Pattaya's 5 favorite sex positions plus 1

Men come to Pattaya loaded with sexual fantasies from years of watching porno movies, however they don't put much planning into fulfilling these desire and fall into the usual sexual behavior of a male after drinking 20 beers. Crash out in your clothes.
Go-go girls love drunk farangs.
Grunt, groan, two minute sprint, and entry into a near-death coma.
There are six favorite sexual positions. Girls tell me drunks can't manage the first. Even with Viagra.
The list is compiled from Albert Ellis's The Art and Science of Love and from Human Sexual Inadequacy by William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson.
1. MAN ON TOP aka male superior
Bible belters consider this the only acceptable manner for coitus.
Especially since all other primates use doggie style.
Guess it what's separates us from the beasts.
2. WOMAN ON TOP aka female superior
Ancient erotic art shows this position to be the favorite of the great cultures. My only argument against it is that when filmed makes a man look like he's dead, especially after he's been male superior for too long after eating a Viagra.
I call it cowgirl atop a corpse position.
3. SIDE BY SIDE aka spoon position
This is the lazy man's position or a good stale tactic before deciding that you want to continue. The intimacy allows you to regain your breath. Only real problem is that you keep slipping out and it's nearly impossible to achieve a happy ending.
4. REAR ENTRANCE or the mercenary position
Favored by primates ie apes and Greeks.
American males tend to avoid this position since it recalls too much of their childhood homosexual experiences.
5. SITTING or the drive-in position
Reminds us of being young and not having anyplace to make love other that the back seat of a car.
6. STANDING or the quickie
Men likes this and women hate it.
Reminds men of doing it with a girl of loose morals. Reminds women of the same thing. Sometimes expedience brings the two parties to a successful finish.
Now that I think about it, the list leaves out THE SANDWICH, MENAGE A CINQ, and the ever-popular 69.

Obesity in the USA

People have gotten very fat in America. Some blame it on their eating too much. Others accuse the fat of eating too much bad food and some of the fat say they are happy with the way they look. Personally I believe America has a real weight problem in that its population of 300 million outweighs one billion Chinese and that the perspiration of fat people is a major cause of global warming. As Jesse Ventura said once," You have a weight problem, then push yourself away from the table."
And no one listened

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Obama Speaks about Race

Senator Barack Obama has been under fire from his Democratic opponent for his lack of experience. Ms. Clinton highlighted this best with a TV ad asking the voters who would you want to answer the White House phone at 3am. The Ohio electorate responded with 'not Obama', stopping his consecutive run of primary wins, however now Fox News has stepped up the attack on the Illinois senator by airing video tapes of Obama's minister ranting about the 'white devils' and 'damn America'. For a presidential candidate seeking to heal the divisions in the USA, his pastor's rhetoric was rightly deemed hateful, adding to the White America's conception that the black man has a chip on his shoulder.
Last night Obama delivered a major speech in Philadelphia on this subject with Fox News pundits expecting Obama to excoriate his minister. He disappointed them by speaking up for the man who led him to Jesus and explained how blacks do feel anger, how whites feel anger, and that this anger will not go away unless the USA moves away from the politics of hatred. It was a brave stance and something no one in American politics has tried to do in decades ie stand up and speak about something other than the diversions.
It remains to be seen whether Obama will survive this crisis, for Fox News shows no sign of letting this bone drop from its jaws. They will rehash the words of his pastor over and over again, until the two are linked into one face with the hopes of crippling the senator's drive to the White House, so that Senator John McCain can continue the decrepit rule of GOP politics for another four years into the 21st Century.
Am I still for Obama?
Yes.
Does my support matter?
Not a tick.
I only want change, because when the status quo threatens the way of life for Americans, then it is time to change the status quo for the betterment of the USA and the World.

Ghana Internet Scam

I haven't received a spam from Africa for quite some time and I wrote that they might have given up bilking witless westerners of their assets, but this morning they were back at it, although from Ghana instead of Nigeria.
Ghana is a thousand times more trustworthy.
Goldmac Investment Ltd Sent: Friday, March 28, 2008 3:03 AMTo: drjohnkojo12@Subject: SUPPLY INVITATION
Attention Sir/Madam The Government of Ghana, in West Africa, has received funds from the INTERNATIONAL DEVELOPMENT ASSOCIATION(IDA) with loan number :IDA CREDIT NO:3964 GH,and AGENCE FRANCAISE DE EVELOPMENT(AFD),AFD LOAN NO:CGH 6004.01.G, towards the cost of community based rural development projects (CBRDP) and intends to apply part of this fund to cover eligible payments under the contracts for the supply of the following items. 1. Fertilisers.2. Medical equipments.3. Agro chemicals.4. Condoms.5. Knapsack sprayers.6. Treated mosquito nets.7. Round neck t-shrits.8. Computers
9.Building Material
10.Laboratory Equipment
Tender is open to all eligible foreign contractors from eligible source countries as defined in the guidelines of the procurement Board of the Republic of Ghana. If you can handle the supply of any of the above items, get back to me for more details. I am a commission agent. Thanks. Mr. John Kojo
Goldmac Investment LtdPlot 112 Airport Road Accra-Ghana P.O. Box 587
Telephone: +233 2451 95360
E-Mail: goldmac_investmentltd@
Obviously I didn't included the email address to avoid abetting these business hounds.
Caveat emptor is Latin for let the buyer beware.

Love Advice in Pattaya

Spike is a Tasmanian demolition mining engineer. The way a man his age (59) drinks it's surprising he has lasted over 30 years on the job. Claims the drink calms his nerves.
Spike visits to Pattaya every year to Pattaya for a three-month holiday. Having been married once he doesn't get involved with Thai bargirls or 'sheilas', on this trip a one-night stand from Soi 8 unexpectedly lasted a week.
Some of his friends said he was getting serious, but the barkeep, who had been married to Spike's wife's sister, accepted all bets that Spike would be a bachelor again within three days. The odds were 10-1 and he had plenty of takers. After all Spike's short-times tend to be horror-shows and this girl was a beauty.
This evening I was sitting at the bar in Spike's hotel. The girl came out crying. Spike appeared five minutes later. "She complained she hurt from too much sex and couldn't do it again. All the girls say that after a few days."
I started poking him in the shoulder. "That hurt."
"No."
I jabbed him harder with two fingers. "What about that?"
"A little bit."
I knuckled him with three fingers and he flinched, "Watch it, mate."
"Just trying to prove a point." "Which is?"
"All women complain about men wanting sex all the time. Why? Because you would too, if you had a drunk ramming a sausage into you three times a day. Women are soft inside. Men are hard. Gotta hurt."
"So whatcha saying?"
"Just that you can't expect a woman, even a bargirl, to take a pounding and not hurt after a few days." "Hadn't thought of it that way."
"So you're gonna give the girl another chance?"
He wasn't going to find anyone prettier during his stay. Spike is short, fat, and has a face a father would own up to as his son. Then again this is Pattaya and Spike said, "Naw, my love days died a long time ago." He finished his beer and headed into the night.
The barkeep collected his bets. Even at 10-1 he made enough for a good meal at the Lobster Pot. Everyone bitched that they had been set up. The barkeep said, "I know Spike 25 years. He lasted nine years with his wife. He hasn't has a bird longer than a month since the divorce. He's no good. If you can't see that, then you're blind."
We heard shouting from the end of the street. It was Spike and the girl. She was hitting him with a shoe. He went down and took a beating. Everyone at the bar laughed and the barkeep said, "Look who's hurting now? Drinks on me."
"What about Spike?"
No one moved from their chair, but said in unison raising their beers.
"Som nam nah" which in Thai means SERVES YOU RIGHT.

Thai Prime Minister Samak Sundaravej stunned Myammar critics by announcing that the pariah nation was a peaceful nation led by a good Buddhist who prayed every morning.
“The general view of this country has always been one-sided, but there are two sides to a coin,” said Samak, who was in Burma to finalize construction contracts for a controvesial dam on the Salwenn river also added, “Killings and suppression are normal there but we have to know the facts."
This last statement is understandable coming from a man who thinks that the country should prepare for up to 4000 dead in War on Drugs 2, but his most recent words was more about Burma than Thailand.
The reservoir for the Tasang Dam will flood the Shan State, thus depriving ethnic Shan and Karen fighters of their traditional lands without any compensation. Thailand of course will be the main beneficiary from the electrical output of the Tasang Dam, so Samak is thinking about Thailand rather than Burma, since the weaker Burma is, then the safer Thailand will be from its historical rival.
We can expect more outspoken comments from the premier in the future both in public and on his radio shows, since the man has a way with words.

Thai Etiquette (Speaking on the cellphone)

Twenty years ago the cell phone weighed over a kilo and looked like it could survive a nuclear bomb.
Over the years its ancestors have shrunk to pocket size and people converse anywhere at anytime with anyone. The only time a Thai won't answer a call in a movie theater is during the national anthem.
But there are three other times you shouldn't pick up the phone.
On the toilet.
No one wants to hear a fart by fart account of your bowel movement.
During sex.
Unless it's to tell the girl's husband how good it is.
Lastly is driving.
A study has concluded that speaking on the phone while driving is more dangerous than driving drunk.
Over 75% of motorcycle accidents in Thailand are caused by speaking on the phone.
Just this after I saw a motorcyclist laughing on the phone and he drove into a ditch. Couldn't find his phone afterwards either.
555.