Thursday, March 27, 2008

Pattaya's 5 favorite sex positions plus 1


Men come to Pattaya loaded with sexual fantasies from years of watching porno movies, however they don't put much planning into fulfilling these desire and fall into the usual sexual behavior of a male after drinking 20 beers. Crash out in your clothes.
Go-go girls love drunk farangs.
Grunt, groan, two minute sprint, and entry into a near-death coma.
There are six favorite sexual positions. Girls tell me drunks can't manage the first. Even with Viagra.
The list is compiled from Albert Ellis's The Art and Science of Love and from Human Sexual Inadequacy by William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson.
1. MAN ON TOP aka male superior
Bible belters consider this the only acceptable manner for coitus.
Especially since all other primates use doggie style.
Guess it what's separates us from the beasts.
2. WOMAN ON TOP aka female superior
Ancient erotic art shows this position to be the favorite of the great cultures. My only argument against it is that when filmed makes a man look like he's dead, especially after he's been male superior for too long after eating a Viagra.
I call it cowgirl atop a corpse position.
3. SIDE BY SIDE aka spoon position
This is the lazy man's position or a good stale tactic before deciding that you want to continue. The intimacy allows you to regain your breath. Only real problem is that you keep slipping out and it's nearly impossible to achieve a happy ending.
4. REAR ENTRANCE or the mercenary position
Favored by primates ie apes and Greeks.
American males tend to avoid this position since it recalls too much of their childhood homosexual experiences.
5. SITTING or the drive-in position
Reminds us of being young and not having anyplace to make love other that the back seat of a car.
6. STANDING or the quickie
Men likes this and women hate it.
Reminds men of doing it with a girl of loose morals. Reminds women of the same thing. Sometimes expedience brings the two parties to a successful finish.
Now that I think about it, the list leaves out THE SANDWICH, MENAGE A CINQ, and the ever-popular 69.

No comments: