Monday, March 31, 2008

Thai Ties


Every time I go to my tailor for shirts, he asks why I don't buy any ties. I tell him that I wore them for most of my life and don't see the point here. Like who am I trying to impress?
My drunken friends or the madam of the Buffalo Bar?
I don't think so, but occasionally I see farang men wearing ties in Pattaya. Most look like missionaries, however it got me to thinking on what occasion would a tie be appropriate in Thailand.
The four most popular reason in the West for wearing a tie are wedding, funeral, seeing a judge in court, and because your stupid boss told you to wear one.
Sporting a cravat at your wedding sets a bad impression in that the relatives might think you have more money than they previously imagined and they'll start hounding your loving bride to fleece you at a previously unimaginable rate. Not that she want to do that, but Thai women worry about their families before a farang. Just the natural order of things.
Funerals at another event for a tie, however no one is going to waste 100 baht of buying you a tie if you are a stiff. Lucky to get a clean set of clothing on your corpse for your final voyage to the homeland or the nearest incinerator.
A tie presents respectability in a court of law back in the West and the same value is matched in Thailand. The judge will look at you standing there all handsome and say, "Alright, add a zero to the fine."
Finally the work place.
Unless you are a salaried wage slave for a corporation sucking out your life's blood, then there is no acceptable reason to wear a tie, unless it is to goof on those that have to wear a tie every day and in that case wear the loudest and most out-of-date tie possible and by all means don't worry about any food stains. After all ties started out as scarves that we used for wiping your mouth after a good meal. Why should now be any different.

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