Friday, March 13, 2026

Pattaya Always Pattaya - 2010


Back in the 1970s Miami Beach was a neglected beach resort populated by ancient retirees in moldy art-deco apartment buildings. Elderly snowbird males dine at Wolfie's Deli sporting Sta-press shirts, plaid trousers, and gleaming white shoes. Attired in their polyester finery these septuagenarians trolled Miami Beach for blue-haired widows with a little extra income.

The tropical sun set early in Florida. Darkness was not an old man's friend. Females in their 70s looked 50 to a man with poor night vision. Desire youngified every senior female on Collins Avenue. The sidewalks emptied after dusk and the windows female compatriots in looked better than good after dusk and the sidewalks were empty by the end of dusk. Hotel windows glowed with TV lights and the ACs hummed to frost the bedroom to the temperature of the Belleville morgue.

That somnambulant elegance had been vanquished by the trendification of South Beach in the 90s. The decaying hotels  renovated by New York hoteliers, the decayed rooms  filled with hipsters, and the night was animated by bars and discos for the first time since MIAMI VICE.

The city was re-born as a super-cool destination. Nothing kills a city faster than a hipster.

I lived in Pattaya from 1998 to 2008. The population was 90,000. A good mix of Thai go-go girls, drag queens, and fugitive farangs. It was good fun and citizens avoided the Costa de Mafia like we had the pox, then Pattaya was discovered by the squares thanks to the Internet. Worse was to come. Most recently I have viewed the horror of Pattaya under siege by Russian draft dodgers and perverted drunken Indians.  Not a pretty picture.

Luxury condos replaced decrepit beach resorts with hopes of replacing the its faithful clientele of European sex tourists with more fashionable tourists from the Pacific Rim.

Gucci instead of tee-shirts.

Prada took from knock-offs.

Upper-class Thais from Bangkok besmote by the need to flaunt their success with au courant styles have exiled the lager louts and steroid juice monkeys from Walking Street the same way Madonna pushed Meyer Lansky's widow off the throne of Miami Beach, however this transition will take time in Pattaya, for the city on the Gulf of Siam remains the most unfashionable city in Asia.

Dressing well is considered a sign of respect for yourselves and those around you, so Thais can't understand why farangs dress so badly in their wife-beater t-shirts, soiled shorts, and grubby sneakers. I expect nothing better from retired postal workers from South London and divorced accountants of Berlin.

Slobs are always slobs.

It's in their blood.

And they will save Pattaya for the scourge of the good.

Thursday, March 12, 2026

Prada Mannequin On Madison Avenue

Inside Prada on Madison
A mannequin
Lifeless as Pygmalion's statue
The mythic sculptor carving the stone
Each blow creating his love
His chisel not penetrating the marble
A statue so beautiful
Aphrodite bring stone to life__
Inside Prada on Madison
The male mannequin mocks me
Him a smooth brown suede jacket Mine moth-bitten cashmere
Tan trousers the two of us
Different shoes
I have beeter in my closet
Different shirts
We look nothing like
He young
Me old
Him plastic
Trapped inside Prada on Madison
I outside on the sidewalk
I
His portrait of Dorian Grey
He or it no sins
lifelessly without sin
Adam before me
Before the Original Sin
Biting into an apple
Pure
Not I
I all the sins of the world__
Inside the Prada on Madison
The motionless mannequin
Lifeless as Pygmalion's Statue
The sculptor carving the stone
Each tap of his point
Each chip from the chisel
Each spin of his drill
Creating his love
From his dreams
His chisel careful
Not penetrating the ivory alabaster
A statue so beautiful
So white so smooth so cool to his touch
Not as cold a marble
Pygmalion feels the warmth
On the stone after each passage of the rasp
Smoother and smoother
Smoother than flesh
The sculptor prays to Venus
The goddess of love
For a love like 'the living likeness of my ivory girl'.
Aphrodite bringing stone to life
Flesh not stone
Warm not cold
A happy ending__
Inside Prada on Madison
The male mannequin mocks me
Him a chic brown suede jacket
Mine moth-bitten tan cashmere
Same trousers the two of us
Different shoes
Different shirts
We look nothing alike
He young
Me old
Him plastic
Me ancient flesh and bones
He
Trapped inside Prada on Madison
Me on the sidewalk
His portrait of Dorian Grey
He no sins
I all the sins of the world
He bald
Not me
He so chic
Not me
Me so street
I alive
Not he__
I walk away
He stays
We have no names
Neither Pygmalion's statue___
Another day
Another day
I will once more stand outside Prada on Madison
He will once more stand inside

Next time I will not wear
Not Cashmere, but Suede
Just like the Prada mannequin
We are not twins
We have no names
For the Prada mannequin
Not twins
Not Portraits of each other
Just opposite alikes
Lifeless and alive
Me and the Prada mannequin__

Wednesday, March 11, 2026

True Drunk Evil

Shortly after the exercise with twenty-seven navies concluded on March 4, 2026, a US Navy attack submarine (identified as the USS Charlotte) sank an Iranian Navy frigate, the IRIS Dena, in international waters off the coast of Sri Lanka as it was returning from the non-combat event ie Indian Navy naval exercise attended by both the USA and Iran. Peter Hesgeth, the Secretary of War, personally sanctioned the attack without any provocation from the Iranian vessel. Now the second most dangerous them in the world after the Orange 47. A pox on all of them__

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

In God And Trump We Trust

The nuns always taught us about Evil. About Satan. About Sin. All three were to be avoided to protect our semi-immortal souls from the damnations of Hell. Not so the present US government. I have lived through Nixon, the Bushes, Clinton, and one term of Trump, but 47's present manifestation with his MAGA followers, the Supreme Court and GOP Senate and House as bootlickers, Storm troopers resurrected as ICE agents and the constant attack on LBJ's Great Society programs to finance more tax cuts to the ultra-rich. Trump had said that he has a great relatinship with God. The ultra religious of this country regard him as the Second Coming of Christ their Saviour.As a non-believer I find this hard to believe that a pedophile Jesus will save their souls from eternal damnation, since sin against an infinite God deserves an infinite punishment. They are so hard on the wicked, except for 47, the emperor of Greed, the most heinous of the Seven Deadly Sins.

And now Trump has called for a crusade against the mullahs of Iran. The Islamic Republic of Iran has been a radical fundamentalist state since the 1979 Fall of the Shah. Sharia law denies the rights of women and men, but especially women, who have risen against the Guidance Patrol seeking out violaters of the dictates of the Koran. In reaction to a severe economic crisis and the collapse of the national currency the people protested in the streets against the Islamic government for their incompetentcy at providing a stable life. The polcie brutally suppressed the gatherings, reportedly killing thousands by the Israeli and world-wide media, which seized on this unrest to attack Iran in hopes of toppling the Islamic Republic.

Two weeks into the war Trump's armed forces with Zionist air strikes have accomplished widespread destruction in Iran, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Gaza, and of course the West Bank with plans to widen the conflict to then conquer Cuba and seize Greenland. 47 is a dreamer. Evil. Pure evil. Yet the great majority of Republicans support the War. Jsut another chapter of the Eternal War against Terror dating back to 2002. No one can stop him. Just like Hitler. The last Great Evil man. And Trump is no Hitler. At least not yet.

Saturday, March 7, 2026

Times of Nothing - BET ON CRAZY

Thanks to Daylight Savings Time sunset will come an hour earlier this evening.

I hate the winter shift of an hour.

Back in the early 21st century I was working at a diamond store off 5th Avenue. A good address.

Not West 47th Street. The Diamond District. A squalid block which processes 89% of the diamonds in America. Dusk was always a little scary from November to March and one afternoon I received a phone call from a friend in Bruxelles.

"Are you all right?"

"Sure, why not?" I hadn't drank anything the previous evening. That's a lie, but one martini in the Oak Bar couldn't hurt my system.

"There was an armed robbery in the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel." Alan was an art dealer. Criminals in that field never use guns. "A guard was shot by the robber."

"It doesn't surprise me." My police friends have been warning about the rise in crimes of opportunity. Times are tough. Budget cuts deplete patrols. Criminals are freed from prison. "The city feels a little like 1976."

"Rome seven days after the Huns burn it down." He quoted a line from my book about punks. "You be careful."

"I will." With two kids in Thailand I have no interest in getting shot.

At least not over money.

Damn Daylight Savings Time

"Time is part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify the motions of objects. Time has been a major subject of religion, philosophy, and science, but defining it in a non-controversial manner applicable to all fields of study has consistently eluded the greatest scholars." According to Wikipedia.

For countless millennia time had been judged strictly by the simple binary system of day or night.

Shamans for the neanderthals kenned out the infinite passage of the sun, planets, comets, and stars throughout the cosmos thanks to the learned knowledge of the Ancients. The autumn equinox signaled the time for retreat to warmer refuges for winter. The religious hierarchy weren't the only ones who could tell the time, but for the rest of humanity day or night worked just fine and still does for modern man.

Dark - sleep.

Light - work.

That process wasn't good enough for everyone.

Today all that changed with the annual adoption of Daylight Savings and I curse William Willett, the British busybody, who convinced His Majesty's government to shift the hours of sunrise and sunset, so he didn't have to play golf in the cold autumn darkness of dawn, but also because he was angered by the lower classes sleeping away useful daylight hours, even though they all rose with the dawn.

The desire to standardize time across the globe was the dream of western men such as Benjamin Franklin, who proposed to the Paris police that they fire cannons at sunrise to wake the hoi polloi to take advantage of his adage, "Early to bed, and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."

Germany adopted Willett's suggestion during WWI and the rest of the world followed suit to attack the slumber of the working man.

So the only two reasons for this 'innovation' were war and golf.

I don't do either.

Today the sun set around 6:55 pm, as I crossed New York's Inner Harbor from Staten Island. Montauk.

I am not happy for the extra hour of sunlight on the back of the day.

Damn DST and I'll vote for any politician who campaigns for its repeal.

Except for Donald 'Damned' Trump.

I Love My Sleep

The end of Daylight Savings Time means I was happy to sleep another hour this morning. After waking before the dawn I pulled the covers over my head and arranged the pillows for renewed comfortability.

The next forty-five minutes belonged to a blissful slumber.

Sleep is the drug.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Paradise according to Ernest Hemingway, who said, "I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

TRASH FIORUCCI

In July of 1977 the windows of Fiorucci on East 60th Street featured the latest flash fashion from Italy. These trendy threads guaranteed immediate entrance into Studio 54 or any exclusive disco in Manhattan. I was a punk. Glitter wasn't my thing, however a gold lame Elvis suit graced the front window and I wanted it bad.

One sweltering afternoon I walked into the store. I had $100 in my pocket. The store catered to the rich of the Upper East Side. Joey, the manager, and I were good friends of Klaus. He followed my gaze. A gold lame Elvis suit graced the front window.

"Let me guess. You want that suit?" he asked with a laugh.

"Yes, how much?"

"The tag says $600. I can do it to you at $300."

$300?" That price was about twice my wages at Serendipity 3, where I worked as a busboy. "What about I give you $100 now and I pay it off monthly."

"And why would I do that?" Joey earned a healthy commission on every sale. He wanted to be a singer. My voice was actually good, although nothing like Klaus.

"I could get you a gig at CBGB's." I hung out at the Bowery bar every night.

"You're not the booker." Joey wasn't falling for my spiel and walked off to get an espresso.

"I might be able to help you." Joey's assistant manager caressed my shoulder and eyed the changing rooms. "I like boys from Boston. You're so so so tough."

"No thanks, I'm no hustler on the corner of 53rd and 3rd."

"No?" My fists clinched. He was testing my resolve.

"I have a girlfriend." Clara was a Georgia beauty seeking stardom and in my eyes she had a chance.

"She wouldn't have to know and you could get the suit for an employee price."

"I don't play that game." She wasn't really a girlfriend, but we slept together more than once a week."

"That's what all you boys say, but my team knows different." Matt smiled, for the Serendipity 3's waiter staff were a catty squall of gossip.

"Forget it."

I left the store and cut through Bloomingdales. The block-long department store air-conditioned from Lexington Avenue to Serendipity 3 on 60th Street.

It was a hot day and the owners of the precious ice cream parlor offered a quenching ice tea. Liza Minnelli sat underneath a Tiffany Lamp. She laughed with her friends.

"She could be your type," whispered Mr. Bruce.

"Everyone has a price."

"How about $300." The cost of a gold lame Elvis suit.

"Dream on."

I thanked Mr. Bruce and said, "I will always have those."

"I'm sure you will."

I left the restaurant and climbed the creaking stairs to the apartment of my friends living above Serendipity 3. The two southerners laughed hard upon hearing about Joey's refusal to discount the Elvis suit.

"That queen is so mean." Andy danced with the ballet. His older boyfriend liked him in nice clothing. The handsome Carolinian wore Fiorucci like a perfume.

"He's just doing his job."

"And why would you want to be Elvis anyway?" Andy was stumped by this desire. "He's so declasse."

"I don't want to be Elvis, but I just like the suit. Gold, sleek, unusual."

"Straight men. I can't figure you out."

"You should have stolen it," Tim quipped from the corner. The graduate of North Carolina School of Fashion was cutting a dress for his autumn collection. He was the most radical of them all.

"And go to jail?" I passed a lit joint to the elegant designer.

"Jail?" Tim shivered at the thought. He liked sleeping in his own bed. "Heavens forbid."

"Not to worry. I'm a law-abiding citizen."

"Except for a little weed." Andy inhaled from the joint. "And adultery with my friend Carla."

"My affair with Carla isn't adultery. I'm not married."

"But she is," Tim sniped at my sin. "But being queer I can't throw any stone. Love will always defeat sin."

"I agree."

I hung around listening to the boys exchanged tales of the West Village back rooms. Sodom was in full swing that summer and the boys had no interest in Salvation. They loved to be lost souls, but they were never that bad. At least not in public.

At 6:30pm I left their apartment and walked over to Hunter College.

The cloudy sky broke for a summer sun. I ran up the stairs. I wanted to see Carla.

I stepped inside the classroom.

The windows were open for an errant breeze and fans stirred the humid air. Eric, the overweight experimental drama teacher, swabbed his face with a towel. Carla sat at a table with her estranged husband, Chuck. The other students stood across the room, almost as if they were an audience for the couple's reunion.

"Glad everyone could make it." Eric put down the towel and resumed his instructions for A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE. Thunder rippled over the Hudson like tin sheets falling down stairs.

"Carla, you'll be Stella, Chuck will be Stanley." Eric pointed at me. "You"ll be Mitch, except we're going to detour from the usual course of the play, so that Stanley and Mitch are after each other."

"Wasn't that always implied by Tennessee Williams?" Carla asked from her seat. The attractive brunette displayed no signs of discomfort from the heat or the proximity of her husband, the heir to a Wisconsin butter fortune.

"He was gay. You be gay. It's just another approach."

The teacher handed out copies of the new scene to the class.

"Forget everything. Read this, act this, be this."

Eric was renowned for his distortion of plays. He was gambling on the inner tension between Carla, Chuck, and me to dredge a new meaning to the iconic theater piece. Carla and I had spend the previous night together at her studio flat on East 23rd Street. I wasn't so sure about tonight.

Flashes of sheet lightening striped the darkening sky. A weather system was passing from the West. Thunder accompanied our lines. Night fell on our failure to animate the characters. Eric raised his hands. "You came close, but you were never there. I've had enough. And you have too little.

"Too little. I gave it my all."

"So did I," saiid Chuck."

"Okay fuck you too. but this time I want fire. Read the words, but speak your own language. There's no copyright on creativity."

"Okay, then shut the fuck up and let us run."

Carla, Chuck and I modded assent. We gave out souls.

I became a punk rock Mitch, Chuck revived Stanley as a man of the people, and Carla sold Stella as a woman whose madness was cool in another ten years.

"Fuck you, Stella." The words were blots.

"That's it, people." Eric clapped his hand together. "You got it."

Then the lights went out.

Not one by one.

All together, as if the Tennessee Williams' ghost had exorcised our mutation of his famous work. The room was pitch black and Eric lit a match.

"What happened?" asked a fellow student lighting a Zippo.

"This is a blackout.""Chuck suggested, as if he did't want it to be the truth.

"You might be right." It was the first time he and I had ever agreed on anything. We nodded in agreement.

"Then we had better leave the building. You with the lighter. Lead the way." Eric was good at giving orders.

Several minutes later we were outside the Hunter College on Lexington Avenue. Cars were stalled at the traffic lights. Several people directed traffic.

"You think the lights will go on soon?" asked the student with the lighter.

"Who knows." I was glad to be living in a SRO hotel on East 11th Street. No electricity meant no trains and I asked Carla, "You want to come home with me?"

"No." She wasn't walking to the East Village and looked over to her good-looking husband. "Chuck's place is closer."

Her ex-husband's penthouse was on West End Avenue. She had spoken about the view from the terrace many times. My windows overlooked a slum alley. They linked arms and strolled toward Central Park. They were a couple again.

"Win some, lose some," Eric commented on the sidewalk.

"I know all about losing some." I shrugged my shoulders and walked toward Serendipity 3.

I found my friends upstairs at their apartment. Frank and Kurt had joined Andy and Tim. They had run out of ice for their vodka tonics.

"There's no ice," Tim whined drunkenly with crossed arms. "I want ice."

"Stop bitching, bitch." Andy slugged down warm vodka with Frank and stated dramatically, "This is a world without ice."

"The Plaza is the epitome of civilization. They must have ice," I suggested since the hotel was the epitome of elegance. "It has an emergency generator, so ice is less than five blocks away."

"Let's go." Andy, Frank, a young boy from North Carolina and I hurried through the unlit streets. We passed Fiorucci. The gold lame suit shone in the blackness.

Passers-by spoke about looting in Harlem. A radio reported that Flatbush was under siege. There were no police in sight. City dwellers were marching home and Andy pointed to the sky.

"I can see stars." Manhattan was dark from South to North.

"Orion."

"Also the Big Dipper and the Bear." Andy traced the lines between the points of Ursa Major.

"Looks more like a pig to me."

"It's a bear." Frank attended an art school.

We turned the corner at 59th and 5th and stopped arguing upon seeing the darkness.

"It's the end of the world." Andy stared stunned at unlit Plaza Hotel.

"Or we're back in the Stone Age." Frank was excited by the chaos.

"I know the bartender. He must have ice."

We entered the Oak Room. Orlando the head bartender greeted me and confirmed our fears.

"Someone bought all the ice."

"Some rich cocksuckers."

This new truth angered me and I said to Andy, "Let"s hit Fiorucci."

"They don't have ice."

"No, but I want that gold Elvis suit and I'm shopping the old-fashioned way." I picked up a cinder block from a work site.

"That's looting." Andy had been born in a Appalachian hollow and his eyes gleamed with hillbilly abandon.

My blood dated back to the Picts. My tribe had existed before the 10th Commandments and the Nailed God. I strode up to Fiorucci. The cinder block was heavy in my hand. I stood before the window.

"Stand back" I warned Andy and Frank and then heaved the cinder block at the window. The missile struck the plate glass and bounced right back, narrowly missing Frank's skull.

Several guards pointed at us. I hadn't seen them in the shadows. We ran fast. The young boy was not so fast. Frank, Andy and I hid in a doorway. THe young boy ran past us. Andy lifted his finger to his lips.

"Ssssh."

"Where should we go?"

"In there."

"The Subway Inn?" Frank shivered with trepidation. "People get killed in there."

"People get killed everywhere. Son of Sam, Attica, Stonewall. It's New York and we're not dying tonight." Andy dragged him into the Subway Inn.

Stranded workers crammed the dive. Candles illuminated their faces with a devilish glee. A longhair guitarist was playing an acoustic GIMME SHELTER. The sweat mingled with the burning wicks. This was 1719. Where didn't matter and the bartender impatiently asked for our order. I almost asked for a beer, but noticed the ice in the drinks.

"You have ice?"

"Of course, the second the lights died, I send the busboys to buy all the ice in the neighborhood."

I ordered a gin-tonic. The boys got their favorites. Andy, Frank, and I blended into the sweaty crowd, then security guards swarmed inside.

"We're looking for looters. Three of them." A beefy guard eyes me, but the bartender said, "Fuck off. We're all Pirates here."

"God bless Mickey Mantle." Andy raised his glass and nudged me in the side. "Join the toast."

"And here's to Bucky Fucking Dent."

Several beers later we arrived to the apartment above Serendipity 3. The radio broadcasted tales of the citywide black-out and Andy breathlessly recounted of our attempted theft at Fiorucci.

"You could have gone to jail."

"Not a chance," said Andy. "I won the gold medal."

"I took the silver," crowed Frank.

"And your friend?" I asked wondering why he wasn't here, knowing fully well why.

"Anyone can run faster than him."

"But I didn't get the suit." I was shamed by my exploit, especially for not having helped the young man.

"Yes, but we did get away and not going to jail is a good thing."

"Especially tonight" The Tombs in Lower Manhattan would be packed with looters according to the radio.

"But you tried to answer the call of the wild and that deserves a shot of lukewarm vodka."

Tim handed me a shot glass filled to the brim.

"To outlaws." I downed the shot. It was one of many. I fell asleep on the floor and woke up in the morning with the young man in bed.

We were naked. I sai nothing.

"The police caught me and I cried like a girl.

"Tears work when lies fail."

"Sorry about the suit."

"No worries. You did a good job." I kissed him on the forehead and we went back to sleep.

Later that afternoon I tried to enter Fiorucci, but Joey blocked my entry at the door.

"We don't need thieves as customers." The sometimes singer snapped his fingers.

The guards escorted me from the store.

"At these prices I don't know who's the real thief."

Obviously the boys above Serendipity 3 had snitched out my failed trashing of Fiorucci's window. They loved gossip almost as much as cock.

That weekend Clara went back to her husband.

The teacher suggested that I study acting at a different school.

"Fuck acting. I love poetry."

"Hopefully not more burning and looting."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

When Fiorucci closed several years later, I bought the dusty Elvis suit through Matt. I tried it on at home.

"That really doesn't fit you." My girlfriend at the time was a tall model from Baltimore.

"No, maybe it never did, but it looks great on you, so it's yours."

The suit clung to her lanky body like a molten gold.

The lame suit granted her entry her everywhere. I was not so lucky, but I only went places where I knew the door. That was everywhere too, but I really wished I could have been wearing the Elvis suit, but some things just aren't meant to be, especially Elvis Suits tailored for men who are not Elvis.

Friday, March 6, 2026

Kalle Swensen Opinion

A little tip for today, in my capacity as a financial advisor:

You pay for a bank loan for 30 years!

You only serve 5 years for a bank robbery!

The stone cold truth from the legend Kalle the King of the reeperbahn as well as this adage

“Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god.” – This paraphrase comes from a famous cynical remark by Jean Rostand in his 1938 book “Thoughts of a Biologist”: “Kill one man, and you are a murderer. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill them all, and you are a god.”

Thursday, March 5, 2026

POLE DANCING TO THE END - 2010

Back in the day Pattaya was a paradise for middle-aged western men with money. Food, accommodation, cheap beer and beautiful girls calling old men sexy. None of these seductive women were blind, yet the men forget about the truth of their mirrored reflection, for as Frederick Engels the co-writer of THE COMMUNIST MANIFESTO said, "Money is the one thing that can grow hair on a bald man's head for a woman."

Pattaya most certainly was the closest thing to Eden, however men needed money to operate as a sexy men and this year my friend Jamie Parker found his fun funds close to 'empty'. He wasn't a gambling man, but bought several Thai lottery tickets with a portion of his last 1000-baht bill. The numbers came out in the Thai newspapers. None of which Jamie ever read, however his geek, Ort, discovered that Jamie had purchased a winning ticket.

25000 plus.

Jamie was back in the money and after redeeming the ticket his luck ballooned with the discovery of 5500 baht in an envelope at the 7/11. He waited for an hour outside the convenience store for someone to show up to claim the money. No one came in a panic. Up 30000 baht he returned to his unfurnished apartment on Soi Bongkot, thinking to take Ort out for a nice meal and found the go-go girl packing her bags.

An Englishman had decided she was the prettiest girl in the world and retired her from INSOMNIA GENTLEMAN's CLUB. This was good news, since Jamie had been shedding 1000s of baht on the little go-go dancer's ice habit. She loved the gear. Jamie was semi-sad to see her go, although pleased that she wanted none of his cash.

"You good man. You find new girl. No one more pretty than me. Find ugly girl. She cheap."

"If you say so." Jamie watched her get into the farang's CRV 4X4. The guy was older than Jamie. Bald too. He wished them both luck. It wasn't the first time Ort left him for another man, but it was the first time she left with money in his pocket. Jamie decided to celebrate this Trifecta of good luck with a binge at What-Up's a Go-Go. I was in town for a single night. Mem had cut me loose from Sriracha. I didn't plan on a late one.

"Go with friend. Have good time. No look at other lady." Mem knew that her love potion denied me any opportunity to cheat on her.

"No look. No touch." I kissed her and my son good night. The sun fell fast this time of year. It was barely 6 O'clock. I got to the bar at 7. Jamie bought a round of shooters for two go-go dancers and then went over to the DJ with the Doors' first LP CD. Tik Tok" by Kesha on the sound system. # 1 of 2010. He ordered drinks for the DJ and himself, realizing more drinks was only way to bridge the gap between the generations. The DJ seemed rightly skeptical about a request for THE END. Farangs always asked to play hippie songs. All Thai DJs and dacners hated the Eagles HOTEL CALIFORNIA. Jamie flicked him another 1000 baht. Basically two nights wages. The DJ nodded agreement and the fifty-five year-old returned to the couch with a laconic smile and I asked, "What you ask him to play?"

"I gave the DJ 200 baht to play the Doors' THE END." The song was ranked #328 in all-time great rock songs, despite its lasting over 11 minutes.

"Are you joking?" THE END had opened the movie APOCALYPSE NOW. I remembered watching Coppola's homage to THE HEART OF DARKNESS at New York's Ziegfield Theater and hearing the helicopters waft from left to right to rear to front. There were no helicopters on the LP and once here. The song from 1967 transported the go-go girls by surprise and the old guys in the bar too, but their eyes widened with surprise and their lips moved wordlessly to the lyrics. Some of them had been hippies too.

"In a desperate land."

Jamie bought more tequila for the girls on stage. They downed them with a hearty Chai-yo.

"Lost in a romance."

"Ride the highway west baby."

Other old dudes flipped red 100-baht bills on the stage too. They had been young in 1967 and became young again in THE END's trance. "The snake is long." The girls understood THE END was a cash cow and danced accordingly like naked hippie girls at Woodstock. They were so pro.

"The snake is old."

The tequila and Jim worked its effect. The old guys ordered more shots. The young guys in What's Up were out of their element by forty years. The Doors and go-go girls. Jamie was right. Our generation.

"The killer woke before dawn." The girls crawled against the steel poles like serpents with poison ivy.

The DJ still was uncertain about the choice, but the old age brigade sang along with THE END.

Another 1000 baht tip kept the DJ from segueing to Britney Spears. Ah Pattaya.

I was a Doors fan.Few wgite boys my age hadn't been then and now. They had no bass player in the band, but the bassist from Clear Light i.e. MR BLUE supported them in the studio and on the road. I still play the Door's CRYSTAL SHIP, but having the DJ play that would have been pushing our luck.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

Jamie disappeared into the bathroom with the go-go dancer.

I left the bar. Faithful as ever. To quote Jim Morrison, "I only have one friend."

And THE END and Mem, my love, knows that too well.

THE END the 6 minute 45rpm version

APOCALYPSE NOW AND THEN

In 1968 I lied about my age and tried to enlist in the Marines soon after my 16th birthday. My mother refused to sign the papers. The Tet offensive fed her doubts about the final outcome of the Vietnam Conflict. Boys were returning in coffins, wheelchairs, or hooked on heroin. Returning soldiers were portrayed as drug addicted monsters. Dennis Halley came back with nothing more than a thirst for beer.

The twenty-year old had seen action near the DMZ. The Boston Globe had mentioned his heroics during the Tet offensive. My hometown's John Wayne was dating my next door neighbor. Addy Manzi was the prettiest girl on the South Shore. We had vandalized an abandoned missile base of top of Chickatawbut Hill. The police had arrested me and I never gave up his or Addy's name. I considered him a god and said that I was thinking about joining the Marines, while we were sitting by the Manzi's swimming pool.

"Maybe you can convince my mother."

"Why you want to go?" He stared at the stars.

"I want to get out of here." My hometown had three red lights, fifteen churches, and no bars. It was a suburban purgatory.

"I wouldn't do that." Dennis had a puckered hole in his arm from shrapnel and shook his head.

"Marines are taking a lot of casualties. Officers are gungho for promotion. One West Point fuck ordered my friend to get some beer. A mine blew up his truck. My man died for warm beer. Viet-Nam is fucked and if you don't have to go, then don't go. The only people there are dumb fucks like me and poor white trash and blacks who can't afford to go to college."

"What about serving my country?" I believed in the American Way; life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

"I spent two tours humping around rice fields, burning villages, and shooting at an enemy I couldn't see. But one of them saw me good enough to shoot me. If I hear you signing up for the jarheads, I'll kick your ass." Dennis Halley had killed VC. His eyes squinted like he was a stand-in for Clint Eastwood in THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY.

"You want to leave this town, then join a carnival or circus."

"Okay." I wasn't arguing with my hero.

"Good, now give me some room." He nodded to Addy. They wanted to be alone. I didn't have to be told why and wandered across the lawn to my split-level house.

It was painted pink.

The strength of his advice changed my life. I became a hippie instead of a Marine. I protested the war with conviction. My father considered me a 'commie', but he didn't want me to go to Viet-Nam. Like Dennis said the war was someone else's fight and I avoided the last years of the war by attending college.

By the time I graduated in 1974 our troop levels were down to 1950 numbers, but more than 50,000 Americans had died in SE Asia. Hundreds of thousands more were fucked up by grievous wounds to body and soul. Few of them talked about their experiences and those that had not gone wondered whether they missed the glory of war.

No one spoke about the dead or maimed on the other side.

They were gooks.

Dennis broke up with Addy and moved to California.

In 1976 she and I kissed after my older brother's wedding.

I was too drunk to attempt anything more in my family's Oldsmobile.

Later that year I quit my teaching job at South Boston High School in 1976 and relocated to New York. The punk movement was my universe. Manhattan was heaven for a young man in his 20s. I had friends. My girlfriend from West Virginia loved me and I worked at a rock disco on West 62nd Street. My days were free and I spent them going to the movies.

Double bills at the St. Mark's movie house.

3-4 films a week.

STAR WARS at the Whitestone Drive-in.

ALIEN on May 25, 1979 at a Times Square theater.

None was more important than the release of APOCALYPSE NOW on 15 August 1979 at the Ziegfield.

Anthony Scibelli and a few others from Hurrah showed up an hour before noon. The line already ran around the block. The film had won the Palme D'Or at the Cannes Film Festival in May. This was the first day, first screening. More than a thousand of us had nowhere to be in the world, but here. Whenever someone asked why we were waiting, we told them, "To see APOCALYPSE NOW.

"Damn." They disconnected with their day and also bought a ticket for unassigned orchestra seats.

The first showing was a sell-out and disappointed film buffs begged for tickets at any price. No one was selling and the thousand-strong audience filed into the West 54th Street theater with pride.

We bullied our way to the center of the seating.

At noon the lights dimmed to a semi-darkness. None of us were ready for what came next.

A jungle filled the twenty feet tall and fifty-two feet wide screen and the repeating whoop of helicopters passing overhead strobed over the sound system. Dust and fire.

The young boy next to me ducked, as if the rotor blade might slice off his head and then a byzantine strum of a guitar was followed by chimes.

The predominantly male audience gasped with recognition.

THE END by the Doors.

A man's face upside down was overlapped with carnage.

A hundred matches ignited throughout the theater. Marijuana smoke clouded the air.

153 minutes later I walked into the steamy afternoon with a better understanding about why Dennis Halley was so vehement about my not enlisting.

APOCALYPSE NOW was and is and will be a time machine back ten years.

"Do you think it was really like that?" My friend asked after fending off the next sitting's questions about the film.

"Yeah." I really didn't know, but none of my friends who had been in Vietnam had spoken about the war. Some people told stories, but I figured those that knew didn't say and those that say don't really know. Now I had an idea and once more wished that I could have served in Viet-Nam.

Not to serve my country or kill VC, but to witness the spectacle of power and glory humbled by determination. It must have been something and I would gladly have risked my life to have the distinction of being a Viet-Nam veteran. Many men of my age felt the same way.

We had missed out on the Big Show.

Like Civil War re-enacters more than a few of baby-boomers claim to have been overseas with various units and more than a few congressional candidates were caught in these lies by the Press. They had been telling war stories to their small town constituencies for years.

Everyone believed them.

They were no John Kerry, a Navy Lt. There weren't even GW Bush, a Texas Air Force Reservist.

They were Dick Cheney, who had been out of the country and that goes for me too.

I fired no M-16. I never danced with hookers at the Fall of Saigon. My hailr had been shoulder-length on that date. I had danced in the streets of Boston with hippie girls. Our side had forced the peace on LBJ, Nixon, the silent majority, and the military. I never expected a reward for taking a beating from riot police,but I'm getting old. The Department of Defense has yet to answer my requests for a pacifist pension.

Several years ago I flew over Viet-Nam on a flight to Bangkok.

The country looked at peace from eight miles high and I stared down at the mountains thinking about grunts humping 100 pounds backpacks up and down the slopes.

It was a long way from America.

Later that year B=back at the diamond exchange I told the security guards about my trip. Andy had served one tour in 1968.

Army, but working at the motor pool.

He was no peace-nik, but had had no wish to end up a dead hero.

"I've been writing the Pentagon for a pension."

"For what?" Andy knew my stance of the war. He felt it was a waste too, but also that we had to stop the Reds from taking over the world.

"For all the years I protested against the war. Ho Ho Ho Chi Minh, NVA is gonna win." The chant had served as a slogan at demonstrations throughout the USA.

"Fuck that. You traitors will get nothing." Andy spat out these words. The Brooklyn native was right-wing. His 2012 choice for president was the feisty Alaskan Sarah Palin.

Like my father he considered me a commie.

"And you deserve nothing. I landed in Danang at the beginning of the Tet Offensive. Bullets smacked into the charter jet and the sergeants yelled at us to take shelter. I spent the first three days in a trench praying for a truce. Mortar rounds landed ten feet from our shelter. I stayed one tour and got the fuck out. I don?t get a pension for it, so why should some long hair peace-nik."

"Hey, the Feds give money to everyone. Why not me?"

"But you were never in Vietnam?"

"No, but I was in Cambodia."

"You served in Cambodia?" Andy didn't figure me for Army and he was right.

"No, I visited Phnom Penh and Laos too." Both countries were next to Thailand. Thousands of farangs traveled to the borders for a visa renewal. I thought about Dennis Halley's dead friend. He was one of thousands who never returned to the States.

"Hippie scumbag." He gave the finger.

"Baby-killer." I didn't mean nothing by it and neither did Andy.

My fingers split into a vee.

The gesture had many meanings.

Fuck the French to the English archers at Agincourt, since the frogs lopped off prisoners' fingers to prevent their rejoining the killing ranks.

Churchill had transformed the vee into a sign for victory.

I remained true to the 60s.

"Peace."

"And love." Andy returned the gesture, because war was a young man's game made dead serious by the decisions of distant old men and like everyone else who lived through those times we were glad to be sucking air into our lungs.

Here there and everywhere.

ps

The old Ziegfield Theater was closed by the greedy realtors.

No one fought in Vietnam for luxury condos.

But we all believe in peace no matter what the cost.

A Little Brando Maybe

From 201O

Last week I was playing pool at the Abbey. Maz was in town from Alaska. The jewelry salesman was leaving for the Caribbean on Wednesday to work the cruise ships as he had up north. His time in the Far North had not effected his hand and eye coordination and the bald-headed genji ruled the table for several games. I lost to him on a double-scratch on a corner shot on the 8-ball.

While awaiting my next up with the champ, I watched the popular bar on Driggs Avenue filled with young people. I was already in the youth of old age at 58. I spoke to several sci-fi fans about RESIDENT EVIL and a BBC correspondent about the current BBC sex scandal. We agreed that Jimmy Seville the TV announcer was an unrepentent child molester, but he argued that Jimmy Savile was the only person involved during the decades of under-age sex at the media center in London.

"Not bloody likely." Birs of a feather flocked together.

He dropped his quarters in the slot and Maz offered him the break.

His pool cue was missing the tip from the ferule.

"Your stick's accent is 100% Cambridge." It was a good guess and he admitted to having graduated from that prestigious university. "Playing pool well is the sign of a misspent youth."

His blonde girlfriend thought that was funny. She was a literary agent.

"I handle mostly non-fiction." She was young and smart with long legs. She would have been beautiful in any bar in New York. Her unnaturally curly hair discounted her tale about working only with the truth. Her friend lost to Maz and after they left he asked me, "Would you sleep with her?"

"No." I am faithful to Fenway's mom.

"No." Maz is astounded by my self-imposed celibacy.

"She's not my type."

No one believed my restraint, since I had been living down my reputation as a worldwide libertine. I looked around the bar. The women in the Abbey laughed with the freedom of youth. None of them had eyes for a man my age. I had once looked like an Irish Brando. Probably still do look like an older, less heavy than his appearance in APOCALYPSE NOW plus thitty years. I'm overweight, but he was the Second Coming of Orson Welles in that film. I dropped four coins into the pool table slot.

"Not a single woman in here is my type".

"I don't worry about types." Maz was a free agent as I had been at his age.

I was forty years old twenty years ago.

I accepted the truth of my ruin and racked the fifteen balls tight. After Maz's break I ran the table with a series of combos and bank shots. The next player was a black girl in her 20s. She was wearing a short black skirt.

"Nice shooting."

"Thanks."

I lost on the last shot just like before, which was always better than the first adn why they call the game 'Eight Ball'.

ps Me and Amanda

Tuesday, March 3, 2026

Sony World Band Radio

Before the Internet the Sony World 12-Band Radio was my only connection to the West from Biak, Irian Jaya to Tibet.
Primarily the BBC. Big Ben's bongs sounding the hour and then the soothing voice announcing, "This is the BBC. The time is 12pm Greenwich Mean Time."

Plus listening to the music of the world beyond the unlit horizons.

Now all the radio's dials are digital. No more fine tuning as if your fingers were cracking a safe's combination. No freedom to fiddle in Rome, Timbuktoo, or distant stations across the globe. Just what digital gives you.

No surprises.

I left my radio with my Bali house keeper, Nyomon.

He loved me for it.

Long ago in Ubud, I once lived and listened through the night to the news of the world.

So far away.

Same as today from Ubud.

That young man is now in his 50s.

Selamanya muda or Forever young.

Monday, March 2, 2026

GHOST OF THE STUMP

In 1990 gem diamonds were priced to the advantage of the dealers on 47th Street. 50% profit was normal for most quality stones and my boss Manny rewarded his sales staff commissions based on 5% of the gross. Not the profit. On the gross. In late February I luckily hooked of the street a middle-aged woman seeking to buy a 5-carat F-color diamond for her aged mother in Florida off the street. The transaction was smoothly concluded within a week and the customer dropped $50,000 on a 5.12 FSI1 diamond. Everyone was happy with the sales, except for Manny. He thought we hadn't charged enough. Seeking company for his misery, my boss made the woman cry by charging $100 for shipping.

"Her tears were fake." Manny was a firm believer in Cato's old adage that the strongest acid in the world is a woman's tears.

"That may be true." I had fallen in love with enough women to agree with his assessment of her weeping. I always believed the tears. Mine too. "But for a $100."

"Doesn't matter." Manny smiled with the joy of this little victory. "It's all about money."

"She's a potentially good customer." His son and my good friend was trying to educate his father to the modern world.

"No customer owes you any allegiance." Manny was Bowery to the bone. Everything depended on numbers and sleight of hand. "Like everyone else they only think about themselves."

"Thanks. It's a good thing that we don't need repeat customers." Richie Boy shook his head and returned to working the phone.

We never saw the woman again, although the next day she called to thank me for my help. My commission came to $2500. My savings account held over $6000. An ad in the NY Times Travel Section offered around-the-world ticket for $1500. I planned on spending most of my trip in Indonesia.

"I'm going on vacation after you come back from Miami," I informed Manny the next day.

"For how long?" Manny looked out the window. Snow flurries were swirling in the air.

"Six months." I planned on writing a novel about pornography. My finances allowed a budget of $1000/month. The Lonely Planet Guide suggested $10/day for Bali. At $30 a day I was going to live like a pascha, a friend of an Ottoman sultan.

"Your job won't be here when you come up." Manny had worked 6 days a week since the time he was 15. He hated layabouts.

"If it is, it is." I was hoping to get lost on the other side of the world. Few of my family and friends had been to the Orient.

At a farewell dinner at my parents house outside of Boston my family members were curious about my trajectory around the world.

"First stop is LA."

"The home of Mickey Mouse." My youngest brother, Michael, loved Disneyland.

"The second will be Honolulu.

"We've been there." My father tenderly held my mother's hand. Last year they had thoroughly enjoyed their stay at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. All their trips were second honeymoons.

"Next stop is Biak." It was an island off Irian Jaya. The stopover was optional. My travel agent, John from Pan Express, had said none of his round-the-world clients had stopped there.

"Biak?" My mother possessed a dictionary in her head, but she had never seen this destination in the Boston Globe's crossword puzzle.

"Biak. I know Biak." My Uncle Dave tapped the kitchen table for attention. A cigarrette in hand. He had served in the US Navy during the Pacific War against the Japanese Empire. "I fought there in the Battle of the Sump. We bombed the hell out of the jungle. The Japs didn't surrender easy. I lived on a destroyer for six months off Biak. I bet it hasn't changed since 1944. Coconut trees and cannibals. Let me know if the Dutch hotel is still open. Buy yourself a beer on me, if it is and Stay at the old hotel near the airstrip. It was still standing after the battle. I have no idea how."

Uncle Dave cuffed me $20 and back in New York I read about the Battle of the Sump at the Main New York City Library on 5th Avenue. From May 27 to August 17, 1944 the US Marines and Imperial Army fought the first tank vs. tank battle in the Pacific Theater. The defeated Japanese forces hid in a gigantic cave. The marines poured gasoline on them. Only few hundred survived the conflagration spreading through the cavern. I would drink a beer for them and the Marines too. I told my travel agent at Pan Express to book a stop on the island.

Two weeks later a Garuda 747 landed on the lengthy tarmac of Mokmer Airfield. The Indonesian Tourist Board hoped to develop Biak as a tourist destination. The disembarking passengers were greeted by a trio of black guitarists playing BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON. The musicians were near-naked, except for a long gourd capping their penis. A string attached to a necklace of amulets directed the shell skyward. After a quick tour of the souvenir shop the hundreds of weary passengers reboarded the trans-Pacific flight bound for Bali. Naked Canninals were a hard sell for westerners.

I watched the 747 lift from the runway. Silence descended on the airfield like a long-borrowed cloak. The customs officials processed the two missionaries and me. Dusk sped from the east contradicting the  tropical laziness of the languid evening.

Across the street from the terminal was a low wooden building with the name HOTEL IRIAN JAYA. It was Uncle Dave's hotel. The establishment wore neglect with understated pride, but it looked comfortable and solid. The tropics were hard on buildings and even harder on people. Booking a room was facilitated by the absence of other travelers. This was the end of everywhere. The bellhop wore a vest along with a penis gourd. His skin was the color of the old mahogany piano in my grandmother's living room in Maine. Anthropologists called the inhabitants of Biak Melanesians.

"Have you ever heard of Africa?" I asked slowly in English, as I entered my room. "Africa." His eyes revealed a maze of miscomprehension.

"The continent of Africa." I pointed to his skin. Somewhere during the last Ice Age his ancestors must have across the landbridges from the Mother Continent to Asia and this archipelego.

"Tidak tahul, mistah." The bellhop shook his head. He hadn't understood a single word that I had said.

"No problem." I tipped him a dollar, which was big money this far from anywhere and he said, "Terami kasih banyak."

I figured that had to mean 'Thank you alot' and replied, "You're welcome." I put away my bags and opened the door to the veranda. Indonesian pop music was playing in the hotel bar. The sun was setting to the west on a mirror of slate gray sea. I checked my watch. 6:13. Biak was south of the equator. Day and nights were equal. Joseph Conrad might have sat in this room. So might have my Uncle Dave. I sniffed at the air. Clove. Someone was smoking a clove cigarette. I went to the front desk to make a phone call.

"To my mother." "

Sorry," the Indonesian manager explained that the phone only worked for the island.

"No problem."

I decided to celebrate my isolation from the rest of the world with a beer. The bar was at the end of a bamboo hallway. Two 40-watt bulbs provided illumination for the swirl of insects. The clove cigarette smoker wasn't an Indonesian or Biakian either. A white man with a beer-barrel chest sat on a stool with a diminutive oriental female aside him. He looked like an overweight Popeye and noticed my staring. There was no one else in the bar.

"You get off the plane?" His accent originated from Panhandle Texas. I had hitchhiked through Amarillo in 1974. I hadn't stopped there.

"Yeah, my uncle fought on Biak. He gave me $20 to drink beer at this hotel." I pulled out Dave's 'double sawbuck' and walked over to them. "Can I offer you drinks?"

"Then you've come to the right place. One for me. The missus is a Muslim. She'll have a soda." He introduced himself as Larry Smith. We shared the last name. The woman was Annisa. Larry explained it meant woman. He was a diver hired by a Singapore concern to open a scuba school on Biak. "The sea here is virgin. The reef drops into chasms. Fish and sea turtles everywhere and even better old Jap ships sunk during the war are scattered underwater. Rare fish, wrecks, reefs, and cheap beer. You can't get better than that. I have a good boat, but it has a shit engine. I'm waiting for someone to fly in a new one from Surabaya."

Every word cast a magical spell. The Texan was living many men's dream. Larry had escaped East Texas by going to sea. He had learned his diving skills on the oil rigs of the Gulf. His right hand was missing two fingers from an accident off Borneo. None of his stories were lies, because he had nothing to lose by telling the truth. His girlfriend came from Jakarta. They were staying at a less expensive hotel in town. My room was less than $10. His was $3. At midnight we finished the last beers in the hotel on my Uncle Dave's $20. The big bottles were $1 each. 

"I'm going diving tomorrow." He stood and tottered like he had spent too many years off dry land. His girlfriend helped balance him with her 40 kilos acting as a crutch.

"Where?"

"Out there?" He pointed to the black sea. "You want to come along. I'll show you the island too."

"Sure." The hotel wasn't pushing tourist tours. "See you in the morning."

"We don't get up early."

"Me neither."

They wobbled from the bar and I returned to my room. My one luxury was a world-band radio. I tuned to the BBC and fell asleep to a report about the first McDonald's opening in Moscow. I hadn't eaten a Big Mac in 10 years.

In the morning hunger growled through my stomach like a rabid tiger in the jungle. The nearest man-killer was at the western end of Indonesia on Sumatra. I had plans to go after Bali and Java. I washed my face in the sink and went down the hallway to the dining area with a Nelles Map of Indonesia in hand. I was the only guest for the breakfast buffet of eggs, bacon, toast, coffee, rice, and fruit served by the gourd-adorned waiter. I didn't have the courage to ask why they didn't bother to cover their balls. Michael Rockefeller had been eaten by my server's brethren on the Asmat coast.

Food was not the answer to my hang-over, so I drank bottled soda water and ate another order of toast. My waiter was grateful for his tip of $1. His smile revealed sharp teeth. The guide books assured travelers that no Biakians had eaten human flesh for over fifty years. The waiter's fangs looked flossed from use and I exited from the hotel with a shiver.

The gunmetal sea was flat as a young girl's chest. The palm-fringed beach was littered with broken boats and the bones of dead pigs. Large fish quivered at the banquet of dead flesh along the shore. I put my foot in the water. I hadn't come halfway across the world to be squeamish and stripped off my shirt. I swam out beyond the filth. Within seconds my hangover was history, thanks to a surge of exhilaration.

Americans aspired to visit the cathedrals of Europe, the Riviera, and Rome. In the 180s I had lived in Paris for six years. A single night in Biak exorcised those years and I asked myself why I ever bothered living in the West. This was the world of Jack London's Tales of the South Pacific. I swam back to gritty beach and toweled off the wet. I tugged on a shirt and walked over to Larry's Hotel. Biak's market was flush with exotic fruits and multi-colored birds. This was also Conrad's Orient. LORD JIM and MCHALE'S NAVY.

"Mistah tingal di sana." A banana salesmen pointed to an unpainted barrack. Larry's hotel would have been condemned by a bribed housing official in Appalachia. His girlfriend was outside on the patio, washing a tattered shirt the size of a tent.

"Rarry." Annisa called without lifting her head.

"Hey, man." Larry exited from the room naked. His girlfriend threw him a sarong with horror. He wrapped the shredded fabric around his waist. "Go figure. All the men around here wear nothing but a gourd. That's all right. But I go buck-naked and she has a cow."

"You mistah. Not Orang Papua." She didn't look his way. His penis was erect without any help from a gourd.

"Yeah, I mistah Rarry. The Indonesians still show a little respect for the white race. Guess the Dutch knew how to whip 'em good. Me, I believe in the carrot and not the stick, but the Dutch are a tough people. Have to be to grow a tulip. Give me a few minutes and we'll start our tour." I tried to start up a conversation with his girlfriend. She spoke no English. Larry seemed stuck on American as his language. He didn't say good-bye to her, but confided to me, "A good woman, although it's not so hard to find a good human this far from anywhere." An Indonesian waited by a Toyota Landcruiser. The rental cost was $20/day with fuel. The owner didn't ask for any ID. There weren't too many roads on Biak and we weren't going far. "First stop is the caves."

"Where the Japs died." Larry got in the front and I squeezed into the back. He took up a lot of room.

"Good, you know your history." We headed toward the airport.

"My uncle fought here on a destroyer off shore."

"Ugly fight." He didn't say much on the rest of the short ride. We got out of the car and walked to the edge of a cave.

"This is where the Japs were trapped by the Marines. Maybe 4000 of them. Maybe more. The Marines asked them to surrender. The Japs said no. The Marines poured gas into the pit and burnt them alive. Every week a few survivors fly in from Japan to honor their dead." Larry threw a rock into the pit. The smell was of deep earth. "I've never gone down there. You want to go down?"

I shook my head. The smell of burnt flesh lived on the rocky walls. 4000 dead for an Emperor who spoke like a crane. The ghosts deserved their rest. Larry and I drove back to town. We stopped in town at the fish tanks swarming with rare species for export to the West. He showed off his boat. It had no engines.

"Fucking Bugis in Surabaya me promised engines last month, but out this end of the world time is the only luxury not for sale." He shouted to a Biakian puttering with a Zodiac inflatable. "You ever free dive?"

"I have good lungs." I could hold my breath underwater a good two minutes. At least last year off Isla Mujeres I could.

"Where you free dive last?" v"Isla Mujeres, Mexico. 1989." Last summer I had swum through a cave 100 meters long. It was 20 meters deep. I hadn't tried the hole until I was ready and said to Larry, "I'm good for 10 meters."

"What I have to show you won't take us that deep." He ordered the mechanic to fill the gas tanks and a minute later the Zodiac skimmed atop a reflection of the sky. Islands floated on the horizon like ships dedicated to never sinking. Their distance promised that their beaches were preserved in a time warp dating back to Uncle Dave's time and beyond that into the dust of time. Larry slowed the engine and handed me a diving mask.

"This is the place."

"Aren't you coming?" We were a good three miles from Biak.

"Only got one mask. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere."

"Sure." I strapped the mask over my head and he handed me a large rock.

"What's this?" I was a good diver. Not very good. Only good.

"The rock will take you down fast. Stay as long as you can. You'll never see something like this ever again. Few people will, unless I get that engine from Surabaya."

I held the twenty-pound stone in my arms. Larry nodded with a heavy head. I looked at the sky. The clouds reflected in the flat sea. I dropped into the water on my back and plummeted into its depth for several long seconds until I spotted the long destroyer on its side. The markings were Japanese. Sea snakes withered on the current and turtles chased octopii. Fish flowed through the battle wounds like smoke through a chimney. They numbered in the millions. I saw no skeleton. A reef made not by any gods, but by war.

Other ships lay in reflecting shadows. This was defeat. Uncle Dave must have seen the shattered ships aflame. Sailors like soldiers never tell the truth of horror. No one would believe them. My lungs burned like those of a drowning sailor and I rose to the surface half-expecting to not find the Zodiac.

"Pretty damn impressive." I reached out my hand. Larry pulled me from the sea. His eyes scanned the horizon for something dangerous. He had not mentioned sharks. I huffed air into my depleted lungs.

"And there's more down there. I once found a sea cave stacked with artillery shells. 20 meters down. Stacked. Who the fuck would do something like that?"

"Soliders with orders." I had been brought up to think of them as fanatical. So was Larry and Uncle Dave. We all followed orders.

"Yeah, and now all the youong Japanese tourists want is build a golf course here."

"And dive a little?"

"I can only hope for the best. What you think about beer?" "Like it's a good idea."

Larry drove the Zodiac back to Biak without any detours. We drank the first beers to Uncle Dave and killed the rest of his money toasting the fallen. Theirs and ours. That war was long ago. There were more to come. Today the noon sun was wicked, but the beers were cold under the palms of the Dutch Hotel. Almost as cold as the dead.

The Timeliness of Horseshoe Crabs

Fotos from beneath the Broad Channel Bridge June 2025

Now awaiting on Clinton Hill for the Summer homecoming of the Horeseshoe Crabs.

Rene Descartes author of The Age of Reason had argued that animals had no intelligence, because they had no sense of time. The rationalist lablled them 'automata'. or mndless creatures. To argue that accusation horseshoes crabs return to the same beach to lay eggs year after year according to the cosmic time of the moon and have for over 400 million years well before Man needed a clock to know the time.

Moby Dick Amnesia

Everyone of my generation was forced to read Heman Melville's MOBY DICK. The first line of this epic novel "Call me Ishmael" was burned into our memories and teachers spent days trying to decipher the meaning of the novel, but few of us were aware of MOBY DICK's voyage in American Literature had only sold 3000 copies during Merville's life. After slipping out of popularity Melville was employed at the US Customs House in Lower Manhattan.   

I have visited that oval room many times and imagined Melville working day after day at a meaningless job dreaming of foreign places and a pen in his hand, except that Beaux Arts structure hadn't been erected until 1904, however I later discovered dew-masked bust of Merville near the Customs House, but in recent years I haven't been able to find the wall panel, as if he was once more banished into neglect. Thus flees fame and Melville died in 1891 with none of his books in print. but I still love TYPEE, his romantic novel about two sailors deserting their whaling ship in the Marquesas Island. It shed light on a world beyond the land.  

First lines from TYPEE    

CHAPTER ONE

THE SEA--LONGINGS FOR SHORE--A LAND-SICK SHIP--DESTINATION OF THE VOYAGERS--THE MARQUESAS--ADVENTURE OF A MISSIONARY'S WIFE AMONG THE SAVAGES--CHARACTERISTIC ANECDOTE OF THE QUEEN OF NUKUHEVA Six months at sea!  Yes, reader, as I live, six months out of sight of land; cruising after the sperm-whale beneath the scorching sun of the Line, and tossed on the billows of the wide-rolling Pacific--the sky above, the sea around, and nothing else!  Weeks and weeks ago our fresh provisions were all exhausted.  There is not a sweet potato left; not a single yam.   Those glorious bunches of bananas, which once decorated our stern and quarter-deck, have, alas, disappeared!  and the delicious oranges which hung suspended from our tops and stays--they, too, are gone!  Yes, they are all departed, and there is nothing left us but salt-horse and sea-biscuit.  Oh!  ye state-room sailors, who make so much ado about a fourteen-days' passage across the Atlantic; who so pathetically relate the privations and hardships of the sea, where, after a day of breakfasting, lunching, dining off five courses, chatting, playing whist, and drinking champagne-punch, it was your hard lot to be shut up in little cabinets of mahogany and maple, and sleep for ten hours, with nothing to disturb you but 'those good-for-nothing tars, shouting and tramping overhead',--what would ye say to our six months out of sight of land?  

My family whaled the oceans.    

Atlantic and Pacific.      

My great-grandfather died at sea twice.        

I have killed nothing and never eaten man.          

I'm not scared of nothing than the jaws of Mooka Dick.            

Sunday, March 1, 2026

Whales for Sale USA

Written Feb 20, 2013

Back in 2007 two humpback whales became befuddled by the backwash of mobile phones in San Francisco Bay and swam seventy miles up the Sacramento River. Oceanologists failed to seduce the errant sea mammals to the open sea with love sirens from other whales and Japanese researchers offered to lend California marine biologists a sonar signature of their whaling ships in hopes that the whales will flee the estuary in terror. The Bush administration responded with an entreaty from a Sapporo fish market, which would purchase the pair for scientific culinary purposes should the whales die.

"Maybe this gesture will ease the entrance of US beef into the Japanese market," one FDA official mused at a Georgetown sushi restaurant.

Whale meat?

Yes, whale meant.

In the 1960s a Haymarket fish market served whale sandwiches to Bostonians. My friend and I tried one. It tasted nothing like beef or chicken or salmon. It was much better, although my great-grandaunt Bert who sailed around the world in the 1870s said that that the cheaper slabs were very blubbery and full of fat.

Despite its deliciousity I never ate it again for moral reason.

I guess it was too much like eating a fat person, but it's a good thing whale meat has no aphrodisiacal properties or else the Chinese would have sucked the bone marrow out of the last whale decades ago.

Lip-smacking good.

ps thankfully those whales made it to the sea after feasting on the fish in the estuary.

Bertha Goes Whaling 1871

Aug 23, 2021

My great-grand-aunt Bertha Hamblin Boyce wrote this in her 96th Year.

"Maria, it is almost time for my ship to sail. Are you going with me this time?"

That was my father, Capt, John C. Hamblin, speaking to my mother. She had been with him on two voyages, and he hoped she was going with him this time. My sister Alice was born in Australia, and my brother Harry was born in Norfolk Island, in the South Seas.

My mother shook her head and said, "Oh, John, I don't see how I can go this time."

There were six children to leave at home. But I noticed that the trunk came down from the attic, and Aunt Abby and Uncle Josiah came up from Pocasset to take care of the family, as they always did when Mother went whaling. And Bertha, age five, and Benjamin, age two and a half, were outfitted for a whaling voyage; so there were only Etta, Alice, Harry, and John, the four older children, to leave at home.

The ship, the Islander, sailed out of New Bedford. That is where they sailed from in the 1870's. The only way to get to New Bedford was to take the stage coach, so we went bag and baggage by Stage. We never had been on the stage coach before, so that was exciting, of course. A horse and buggy had been the wav we traveled, as there was no railroad in chose days.

When we got to the wharf in New Bedford, there was the ship out in the harbor. We had to go out in a row boat. I remember I was very much afraid the sailors would spatter some water on my beautiful new hat. But I don't chink the hat got wet.

We reached the ship and went aboard. The cabin looked rather small to me after the living room in our great big house in West Falmouth, and I wondered what my mother was going to do with two lively children in that small space.

The Captain's bedroom, with its swinging bed, opened out to the tight of the cabin, and when bedtime came for Bertha and Ben, a trundle bed was pulled out from the swinging bed. And there is where we slept all the time we were on the ship.

On July 25rh, 1871, up went the sails and off we went for the Indian Ocean. And I could have told the whales that they should stay out of sight under water or my father would catch them!

I guess they didn't stay under water. They have to come up to breathe, you know. I am told my father sent home 895 barrels of sperm oil from the whales taken in those two years on the Indian Ocean. So I guess the folks had plenty of oil for their lamps and didn't have to go to bed in the dark.

Everyone wants to know what we did for amusement. What did we find to play with on board a ship bound for the Indian Ocean? We won't see land again for quite a while. Instead of the woods and green fields for our play ground we will have the ship's deck. It was July. The weather was warm, so we will go up on deck and see what we can find that is interesting. I guess there was no danger of our falling overboard, for Mother let us go up alone.

Of course, there were the sailors, but they were too busy on the first day out to pay any attention to us. There was a little house on deck called the cook's "galley," where he gets the food ready. We had to get acquainted with the cook, hoping to get a handout. Then there was a great big sea turtle crawling around on deck. He didn't look too friendly, but I can tell you that I spent many hours on that turtle's back while he was touring the deck. I was careful to keep away from his head so he couldn't bite me. I suppose that in the course of time he was made into turtle soup and other good things to eat, for we brought home a big box of turtle shell, which we shared with our friends.

Ben was a lively little lad. One day he was playing with a rope on deck. The wind was blowing, and the ship was rolling, and Ben found himself swinging out over the sea! Evidently he wasn't frightened for he held on and came back when the ship rolled again.

In the morning as soon as breakfast was over one of the sailors was hauled up to a seat at masthead called the crow's nest. The sailor had a spy glass, which he used to search the sea for sight of a whale. When the sailors on deck heard the words "There she blows!" they knew a whale had come up to breathe and had thus disclosed his whereabouts. The sailor would also tell his latitude and longitude from the ship.

Down go the whale boats into the water; the harpooners begin the chase. Very likely the whale goes down again, but they follow him until they get a chance to harpoon him. Then the fight begins! They are fortunate if the boat isn't smashed before they hit a vital spot. The whale has an enormous jaw with big teeth and can do great damage to the boat. I remember we brought home a whale's jaw that hung on a tree in our driveway for a long time.

Naturally the whale fought for his life. After he was finally killed, he was towed to the ship. The cutting stage was lowered, and the men peeled off the blubber (the fat) in large pieces. It was then hauled aboard, cut in smaller pieces called Bible leaves, and cooked in the try pots. Up in the bow of the ship there was the fire with two large, iron try pots. This is where they cooked the blubber and turned the oil into wooden barrels to be sent home. The fire was started with wood but later would be fed by scraps of boiled blubber.

Sometimes the try works were burning at night, and we enjoyed that. We could see our shadows on the deck.

In those days kerosene was not plentiful and there was no electricity, so people had to have the oil for lamps. I remember two Sandwich glass lamps on our piano which burned oil but later had kerosene burners. We had the first piano that was brought to West Falmouth.

I don't know the names of the islands in the Indian Ocean where the sailors went ashore. Unfortunately, I gave my father's log book away and have lost track of it. The captain or first mate wrote each day's happenings in the logbook. I used to read it once in a while. I remember it told which way the wind was blowing. And all up and down the edge of the page were little black pictures of whales if they had happened to sight one. I remember that one day he wrote: "Next week is Thanksgiving. I hope next Thanksgiving will be spent at home. If it weren't for hopes, what would we do."

I remember that the sailors did go ashore, for one day one of them brought back a pail of turtle eggs. The turtle lays its eggs in the sand and depends on the heat of the sun to hatch them.

We must have stopped at an island where there was a cow for they brought back some milk. My mother scalded the milk so it would keep. It was on the table in the cabin. I decided to take a drink. It burnt my mouth, and I screamed, "I am dead, I am dead!" My mother put me in the swinging bed with Arabian balsom in my mouth, and I was soon asleep. I didn't die!

Sometimes there was another whale ship sighted. That was a great day. The captains would visit each other and have a gam and have dinner together. They would talk of world affairs and share experiences.

Sometimes days went by without sighting a whale. This was rather dull for the sailors, so they spent their time making things out of whalebone. These bones and the things which were made from them are called scrimshaw. It is highly prized by museums. I have two beautiful boxes made of whalebone. My father, Capt. John, was a 33rd degree Mason, and one design was a Masonic emblem. They also made India ink pictures on the large whale's teeth and on ostrich eggs. I also have what is called a swift, for winding yarn. It is adjustable so you can wind a large or small skein. They made a fork of whale bone with a wheel on one end which they called a gadging wheel, used to crimp pies.

My mother used one of these. She must have crimped hundreds of pies for her big family and many guests. She didn't have time to make cookies, so she made what she called "hard gingerbread." The top was ornamented with the wheel. When it was cool and cut into squares, it was like soft molasses cookies. It was much enjoyed by her eight children and all the neighboring children, who were always welcome at our house'.

We sailed the Indian Ocean all of the year 1872 as far is I know. I do know that August 31st was my sixth birthday, and I spent it on the ship, which was anchored between Africa and Madagascar.

My youngest brother was born on the ship the day before I was six. His name was Ernest Seaborn Hamblin. When he grew up the children used to tease him by calling him an African and saying that he could never be president of the United States.

A whale was caught on my birthday, and my father promised to give me a watch for a birthday present.

I remember my father took Mother and me over to see the Chief of Madagascar. He had seven wives. I remember just how they looked. They were dark skinned of course, being Africans, and they were dressed in white. Their lips were blood red from chewing betel nuts. I tell the girls that is where they got the idea of using lipstick.

Early in 1873 my father must have decided he had caught whales enough, for we sailed for Australia. We left the ship in Tasmania, for I remember the ride across the island. There was a wonderful road made by convicts—prisoners from England.

I never will forget that ride across the island of Tasmania. Wild roses were growing all along the road. The blossoms had gone but the red seed pods were very beautiful to me, who had looked out on the Indian Ocean for so long.

When we reached Australia we stayed with a Mrs. Tassell. She was a misslonary, I think. Anyway, she had Sunday School for the natives. Evidently she had Bibles to give away, for she gave me one. I have that Bible now. My mother wrote my name in it and the date presented by Mrs. Tassell. It is such fine print I don't think I could read it now. She also gave me a song book which I lost on my way home. My favorite song was:

I want to be an angel And with the angels stand, A crown upon my forehead And a harp in my hand.

The ship was sold in March, 1873. Capt. Hamblin, my father, had decided to give up whaling and go home. The ship sent home 895 barrels of oil and never went back to New Bedford. The first mate, Mr. Hiram E. Swift of Whitman, Mass., now took over as Captain. His wife came to be with him and brought their little daughter, Amy Louise, but no little boy.

Capt. Swift once visited us in West Falmouth and told me that his little girl had my picture and made a real playmate of it. He also told me (hat one day I went into the cabin and got his pocket book to play with. I told him I didn't take the white money, I only took the yellow money. It was the gold I was after. Even at that early age I knew the difference.

Captain Hamblin and family were now ready to go home by way of London. We took a steamer for London, stopping at Lisbon, Portugal, and Le Havre, France. I know we visited those places for I have on our living room table a pretty little shell snuff box from France and a large shell that held a thimble, little scissors, and a case for needles that I bought in Lisbon.

Our next stop was London. The thing I remember about London was that my little brother decided he would explore the city by himself and was lost in the crowd. My mother was frantic until he was found. We also made a visit to the Zoological Gardens and almost got a ride on an elephant. The elephant was off on a trip with some other children, and we couldn't wait for him to come back.

Our next stop was at Fayal, one of the Azores. We were there long enough to visit one of the parks and to eat some nice little cakes brought around by a man with a little tin trunk. We also have a beautiful lace shawl from there. My mother always told me that the thread was neither cotton or silk but the fiber of a tree. It is a museum piece. We also have some flowers made of feathers, which are still perfect.

Now we are really on our wav home on another steamer. We left home on the stjage coach; but while we were away, the railroad was built to West Falmouth, so we had a ride on the train.

Of course, there was no one at the station to meet us because there were no telephones in those days, and no one knew just when we would arrive. Our house was not far from the station, so we walked home. I will never forget that walk home. The Boyce house wasn't built then. The only house I remember was painted white with blue blinds. It looked very pretty to me. The First stop was at the Hamblin house, to get reacquainted with Aunt Abby and Uncle Josiah and our brothers and sisters. That was exciting! In the course of time we also got acquainted with the house in the barn, also tile hens and chickens, also the two pigs in the pigpen. Life was going to be quite different from our life on the ship in the Indian Ocean.

There were hay fields in front of the house and woods to explore at the back of the house as we got acquainted with West Falmouth. But that is an other story.

I last saw my great grand aunt in 1960 on her 100th birthday. Bertha was in a nursing home, but I recall a vist to her house. it was filled with objects from those travels; shark jaws, Maori spears, scrimshaw. She left everything to her nurse.

The Catoosa Blue Whale


Entered May 15, 2011

Whales are everywhere.

From my novel BACK AND FORTH a 1974 cross-country homage to Jack Kerouac.

Vickie sped east out of Tulsa on the ghost of Route 66. The land was flat farmland with long lines of trees acting as windbreaks. The houses dated back to the Dustbowl. The wind tugged at their hair.

The Le Mans was the fastest car on the road.

After twenty minutes at 80 mph Vickie pulled into a dirt parking lot bordering a pond on which floated a large concrete whale painted blue.

“The Blue Whale?”

“One and the same.” Vickie left the car.

Teenagers were diving from the whale’s head. Young girls were basking in the sun. It wasn’t Encinitas, but this spring-fed pond was America at its best. Families were gathered around the pool. The benches and tables were crowded with hungry kids. Hot dogs sizzled at the refreshment stand. They drank sodas on the grass.

“Nice place.” Sean toed off his sneakers. The grass was lush under his feet.

“Everyone in Tulsa loves it.” Vickie unbuttoned her shirt.

Everyone there was white.

“And no one seems to mind our longhair.” AK tugged off his shirt.

“Maybe in 1969 they would, but also this isn’t Muskogee.” Her one-piece bathing suit complimented her long slender body. “

“A place where even squares can have a ball.” Merle Haggard had immortalized the small town in his 1969 country bit OKIE FROM MUSKOGEE.

“There’s no college there, but there are some hippies.”

“Wearing sandals and beads.”

“More cowboy boots and hats.” Vickie slathered on suntan lotion. AK was dying to do her back.

“I’ve performed in school plays in Muskogee. Romeo and Juliet.” Sharlene was cute enough to be on the silver screen. “Daddy doesn’t like my acting. Thinks it’s unholy, but he loves me and puts up with it.”

“She played Juliette last spring.”

“And you probably had a hundred Romeos.”

“Not even one. I’m saving myself for my wedding night.” The teenager regarded her older sister. Vickie had slept with Nick. The med student from Staten Island had been her first beau.

“Nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t wait until you’re a hundred,” joked AK and the Spear girls laughed at the prospect of Sharlene ending up a spinster.

“I’m sure we can marry her off before then.”

“Enough talk about marriage. Let’s go swimming.” AK ran into the pond. Vickie, Sharlene, and Sean followed closely behind. They dove under the cool water and surfaced in the middle.

“This is great.” Sean hadn’t been in fresh water all summer.

"The water rises from natural springs,” explained Vickie.

“Just like the quarries near my house south of Boston.”

“Are you a good swimmer?” Marilyn asked AK.

“Okay enough.” He had spent three hours a day in the ocean.

“What about a race?”

“Sure.”

Vickie counted out the start.

Sharlene and AK swam the crawl. She won the race by several body lengths.

Vickie and Sean returned to the sandy beach and blew up rafts. They floated in the sun. Her blonde hair hung in the water like a mermaid stranded far from sea