Whales for Sale USA

Written Feb 20, 2013

Back in 2007 two humpback whales became befuddled by the backwash of mobile phones in San Francisco Bay and swam seventy miles up the Sacramento River. Oceanologists failed to seduce the errant sea mammals to the open sea with love sirens from other whales and Japanese researchers offered to lend California marine biologists a sonar signature of their whaling ships in hopes that the whales will flee the estuary in terror. The Bush administration responded with an entreaty from a Sapporo fish market, which would purchase the pair for scientific culinary purposes should the whales die.

"Maybe this gesture will ease the entrance of US beef into the Japanese market," one FDA official mused at a Georgetown sushi restaurant.

Whale meat?

Yes, whale meant.

In the 1960s a Haymarket fish market served whale sandwiches to Bostonians. My friend and I tried one. It tasted nothing like beef or chicken or salmon. It was much better, although my great-grandaunt Bert who sailed around the world in the 1870s said that that the cheaper slabs were very blubbery and full of fat.

Despite its deliciousity I never ate it again for moral reason.

I guess it was too much like eating a fat person, but it's a good thing whale meat has no aphrodisiacal properties or else the Chinese would have sucked the bone marrow out of the last whale decades ago.

Lip-smacking good.

ps thankfully those whales made it to the sea after feasting on the fish in the estuary.

Hillary With Her Friends

Barry Goldwater 1995. She had campaigned him in 1964.

With the war criminal Henry Kissinger.

Her old buddy GW.

At Donald Trump's wedding.

ps check out bill hand on Mrs. Trump's hip.

An American Tradition

After 9/11 the GW Bush administration declared war on Al-Qaada. The Pentagon aided Afghanistan's Northern Alliance in ousting the Taliban from the cities. The foreign mujaddin warriors attempted to flee the country, but hundreds were captured by the US-supported warlords and sent to Fort Qala-i-Jangi for questioning. These prisoners were immediately subjected to torture by the CIA under direct orders from the American government.

Faced with death from vengeful Americans the jihadist seized their guards' weapons and attacked the temporary torture center, killing a CIA interrogator attached to that agency's Special Activities Division. After a vicious battle to retake the fortress over 400 of the foreign fighters were killed by bombs, fire, bullets. Amongst the 87 survivors was an American, John Walker Lindh, who had been fighting with the Taliban against the Northern Alliance.

Faced with a fanatical opponent spanning the globe the US government under Bush opened clandestine torture camps in numerous countries one being Thailand, where the 'enhanced interrogation techniques' were practiced at the Voice of America relay station in Udon Thani. All This prime ministers have denied existence of this safe house, where prisoners "were thrown against fake walls, forced into stressful physical functions, involuntarily stripped naked and slapped." according the Bangkok Post.

The Geneva Convention states in articles 2 and 4 that No exceptional circumstances whatsoever, whether a state of war or a threat or war, internal political instability or any other public emergency, may be invoked as a justification of torture.

And secondly each State Party shall ensure that all acts of torture are offenses under its criminal law. The same shall apply to an attempt to commit torture and to an act by any person which constitutes complicity or participation in torture.

Americans were rightly angered after 9/11 and as a nation wanted blood for blood.

The Thais turned a blind eye to the operations at the black sites.

Waterboarding was legally green lighted by Bush's lawyer John Yoo.

Abu Zubaydah and And al-Rahim al-Nashiri were subjected to the modern adaptation of the Spanish Inquisition's water torture scores of times, despite protests from the FBI.

All records of these sessions were destroyed at the end of the Bush regime.

President Obama condemned the practice and banned water boarding after his election, however the Defense Department refuses to say whether they are adhering to the ban and his CIA director appointment of chief torturer John Brennan has raised concerns within the Senate about ongoing black sites under CIA or Defense Department jurisdiction.

"In the immediate aftermath of 9/11, we did some things that were wrong. We did a whole lot of things that were right, but we tortured some folks. We did things that were contrary to our values," said President Obama and those two words 'some people' is entirely inaccurate.

The USA tortured thousands of Iraqi, Afghanis, and anyone caught in the War of Terror.

Most without any concrete evidence as to their guilt other than confessions exacted under pain and duress.

I hope those safe houses in Thailand are closed, but no one is admitted on the premises, so it would be safe to surmise they are open for business of torture.

I googled the name of the military coup leader and CIA torture camps and was informed that those items matched no news items.

Secrets are best kept a secret, when no one tells them.

Foto is of the Chinese Water Torture from Sing Sing Prison in New York.

Torture.

The American tradition.

A Wanted Man

George W. Bush cancelled a planned trip to address the United Israel Appeal in Switzerland in response to requests for his arrest on charges of torture. Amnesty International's Secretary General stated, “To date, we’ve seen a handful of military investigations into detentions and interrogations in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantánamo. But none of these has had the independence and reach necessary to investigate high-level officials such as President Bush. Meanwhile, there has been virtually zero accountability for crimes committed in the CIA’s secret detention program, which was authorized by then-President Bush.” 147 nations condemn torture around the globe. The USA is not one of them. But none of them have bothered to arrest Obama or Tony Blair or Henry Kissinger as a war criminal either. Hypocrites.

A US Army squad was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi
insurgent, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American soldier in a similar but less serious state.

The soldier was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the platoon leader asked the injured soldier what had happened.

The soldier reported, "I was moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road.

I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved and he yelled back that GW Bush is a coke-sniffing, Israeli-loving Jesus freak and that Barack Obama takes it up the ass from his wife.

So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian.

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Hillary Clinton!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a bus hit us."

This joke was thanks to Nik Reiter of Tottemham Hotspurs Infamy.

Go you yids.

Heresy For Egypt

There are not many deep thinkers in America. People beleive what they are told by the media. This week www.americanthinker.com has attempted to excoriate Obama for paying $190 million to Egypt Right-wingers were incensed by our committment to Peace in the Mideast and asked, "How many meat inspectors will be laid off to pay for this? How many air traffic controllers? How many kids will go hungry?" None of them bothered to question the trillions the American taxpayer has laid out to pay for GW Bush's Wars and I responded by writing, "$12B to Afghanistan, $3B to Israel,$2B to Iraq, $1.7 to Pakistan, $1.4B to Egypt, and $154 Million to the National Endowment of the Arts doesn't come close to the billions endowed to the prevent the collapse of a corrupt banking system. Over $30 billion in overdrafts alone. $67 Billion in ATM charges. ps Uncle Sam should pull down his pants when he's taking a dump." One fascist responeded by posting, "Obama has 1 agenda. How to turn America into a Socialist State as fast as possible. Period end of story." I retorted, "Better than a fascist religious state under GW Bush. I like my beer cold and there is no good beer in the buckle of the bible belt Oklahoma" He thought bitching about GW had lost its zing and I said, "Bitchin about GW. It's starting to get old. has not gotten cold anyone in Iraq looking for WMD." Fuck the GOP.

Iraq = Texas

The State of Texas has been the most executingest state in the union of the past two decades under the governors GW Bush and Rick Perry. Capital crimes of murder are joined piracy, cattle rustling, treason, desertion, and rape. GW Bush executed 152 condemned prisoners with a single stay of death for serial killer Henry Lee Lucas, who was serving six consecutive life sentences in Florida. His predecessor Rick Perry topped that record over his draconian reign in the Lone Star State with hopes of the inclusion of gay sex into the list of capital crimes. Yesterday GW Bush creation of Democratic Iraq demonstrated its will by hosting eleven executions in a single day bringing the total to 113. Most of the punished were convicted of terrorist acts without any judicial backing for the charges. Like Texas under GW Bush there are no pardons in Iraq.

One Of Millions

The protracted economic depression plaguing the world has led Hallmark to introduce a line of greeting cards at offering condolences to the jobless. America's unemployment level is stagnant at 8.2%. Neither of my nephew could find a job this summer and I'm faced with the same fate this month as I return to the States after a long writing sabbatical. My nephew said over thirty-million people are unemployed in America. The number is more like twelve million with another million or so giving up on ever working again. According to the NY Times' Paul Krugman, President Obama has worked hard to help the job market, which has lost almost a million jobs since his becoming president. GW Bush lost about four million during his first three years, but the GOP are constantly throwing out two million as the number of job losses and no one is talking about the yawning maw of income inequality, as the rich get richer and the poor get more numerous, as the Dow Jones rose from 8500 in 2008 to its present 13,000. Me? I'm just a statistic. Same as everyone else. We are not nobody.

9/11 Plus 9

Bring me the head of Osama Bin Laden!

The Pentagon's reward for OBL is $50,000,000 tax-free Dead or Alive.

No takers from 2001 to 2010

The al-Quada mastermind has responded to this offer via video inviting the West to embrace Islam or else. Faced with those two options I regretfully have to inform the world’s most wanted fugitive that I’ll have to take the ‘or else’.

Why?

I like bacon.

I like it in a BLT, spaghetti carbonara, and salads.

According to http://www.islamicinvitationcentre.com/FAQ/diet/FAQ_diet.html Islam banned pork for health reasons. Pig meat is a proven breeding ground for parasites such as Paragonimus, the sucking worm Clonnrchis Sinesis, and the deadly trichina worms reported to infect 25% of pig eaters. This may be true, however my belief for the strict prohibition of pork is that pork was so tasty that it proved a distracting temptation to true believer.

Back in the early 90s I traveled extensively through Indonesia, the world’s largest Muslim nation. My arrival of the mega-island, Sumatra, coincided with Ramadan, the yearly festival of fasting. From dawn to dusk no restaurant were open. While respecting the Muslim festival, I didn’t think that I was included in this celebration of no-eating until trying to snack on a bus to the Batak Highlands.

Angry glares from bearded faces forced a sweet roll back into my bag. Water couldn't pass your lips either and no one smoked kretek cigarettes. Hungry and thirsty the hours passed slowly, until the bus reached a small town 50 miles from Lake Toba.

The Muslim passengers were replaced by darker-skinned natives, who smoked like Pittsburgh steel mill before the Clean Air Act. The women stuffed their faces with a wide assortment of candies and the kids sucked on lollipops. The Muslims said nothing, for the Bataks are renowned as cannibal warriors.

As the bus climbed from the steamy tropical plain the weather grew cooler and the elation of the passengers increased with each meter gained in altitude. Soon they broke into song. The tune sounded familiar.

BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON.

Jimmy Cliff’s classic hit from THE HARDER THEY COME.

As first I thought they were reggae fans, then remember that the Batak people were Christian. This was Sunday and they were returning from church services. I sang the chorus. The people smiled broadly. A man offered me a cigarette. The clove-soaked tobacco was sweet. I stood at the open back door. The passing air felt good on my skin.
We were leaving behind the coastal plains.

Into the mountains.

Cool.

Soon ornately carved wooden houses replaced the concrete bungalows of the Muslims. My travel guide said that the peaked thatched roof symbolized the horns of a cow. A seated man offered a strip of meat. Pork.

"Babi."

He spoke a little English. I had a good Indonesian phrase book. We laughed at my bad Bahasa. At Lake Toba Karo suggested that I stay at his guest house.

That evening his friends organized a party with a pig roasted over an open fire. We drank beer, smoked ganga, and ate sizzling pork. The stars above our heads numbered in the billions. I was too drunk to count more than five.

“Babi bagus?” Karo hacked a chunk of meat off the pig with a field machete.

“Bagus bagus.” Bahasa Indonesian had an easy rule about superlative. Repeat the word twice. The pig was good good, but I was curious about something and asked, “Why are you people Christian instead of Muslim?”

“Only make Christian for Dutch. We have other gods too.” Karo raised the machete. Fat dripped into the fire.

“But why didn’t you become Muslims?” The first wave of Islamic traders had converted millions to Allah because to the simplicity of the religion. Somehow the Batak had resisted conversion and Karo explained, “Because we like pig too much, because it tastes like babi besar.”

Babi besar?

“Big pig.”

“Yes, man is big pig. Bagus bagus.”

I had heard many men profess to homosexual proclivities, but never one to admit his devotion to the hunger that dared not speak its name. Cannibalism. The Asmat people had dined on Michael Rockefeller. The Donner party had survived a winter in the Sierra Nevada by eating their dead. Cannibalism was an abomination and Karo sensed my horror.” Not worry. No eat big pig now. Pig good now. Bagus bagus.”

Their refraining from eating a man seemed dubious, since the Batak gathered around the flickering flames stared in my direction as if I were the ultimate course. This could have been marijuana-induced paranoia, but I slipped away into the shadows and locked my door before falling asleep in my bed to the dreams of painted men licking pig-fat lips.

This evening didn’t put me off pig and I remained firmly opposed to joining the Islamic faith or any religion.

So sorry Osama. No embraces of Islam. I’ll take ‘or else’ forever, but I could use that $50,000,000.

Osama, Osama where art thou?