The Immaculate Conception of The Blessed Virgin Mary

In the Second Century CE the Holy Mother Mary was introduced into Christian belief in the Gospel Of St. James. The tale of her conception without sex was cobbled together in the Gospel of James from Greek myths and an Old Testament fable Samuel's mother giving birthing without enduring penetration by her infertile husband, Joachim. The Holy Roman Church had promoted this plagirized by declaring that Mary conceived her son without any assistance from Joseph, thus rendering her free of sin unlike the rest of humanity.

As an altar boy in the early 1960s I celebrate thenHoly Day on December 8 before the hometown congregation of St. Elizabeth, who if I remember correctly was Mary's aunt. The nuns tramped us from St. Mary's of the Foothills into the church. The Mass was in Latin and a great mystery to the worshippers ignorant of the dead language. All I understood as 'mea culpa mea culpa, mea maxima culpa' or forgive me three times fast with the last one forgive me a lot'. A covert atheist since the age of eight I mumbled the Latin and sang, 'Oh Mary we crown you with flowers today, queen of the angels. Queen of the May'.

I was good in math and the numbers for the Church were way off. The time between December 8 and Christmas were under a month and most pregnancy lasted nine months, even back in Biblical times. I brought up the discrepancy to my teacher, Sister Mary Magdalene, who subjected me to a palm punishment. Ten slaps of the wooden pointer. As her favorite student she hated the punishment, but the Holy Roman Church had its rules against heresy.

According to Wikipedia The Immaculate Conception went so far as to hold that Anne had conceived Mary by kissing her husband Joachim, and that Anne's father and grandmother had likewise been conceived without sexual intercourse, although Bridget of Sweden (c. 1303–1373) told how Mary herself had revealed to her that Anne and Joachim conceived their daughter through a sexual union which was sinless because it was pure and free of sexual lust. The Greek church regarded the belief as a Roman novelty and the Muslims said nothing. Coupled with the dogma of the Infallibility of the Pope the Immaculate Conception served as a twin weapon against Marxism and the Red Terror of Communism.

My personal hunch is that Mary was impregnated by a Celtic warrior serving with the Roman warriors, thus explaining Jesus' depiction as a white man. Mary lied to her husband about the father, who accepted the claim to prevent being called a cuckold or having Mary stoned as a unfaithful wife. Of course that theory is heresy, however one only punished by excommunication and I exiled myself from the Church decades ago.

Still it was a Holy Day of Obligation and we students got the day off thanks to St. Mary and I will always be beholding to her for that miracle.

I missed the feast for another year.

As I will Christmas. Hail Pagans. Merry Yulemas.

ps In Giotto, Meeting at the Golden Gate, 1304–1306 Mary is portrayed as a twelve year-old.

God knows no bounds in his infallibility.

Sexy Mary

Published Feb 20, 2015.

The Four Books of the New Testament accredit Mary, plain Virgin Mary, as the mother of Jesus, the Messiah worshipped by the Christians. Old Believers highly venerate Mary for the miracle of Immaculate Conception. She professes to have no contact with a male other than the divine intercession of God.

She is the Mother to the Holy Roman Catholic Church for thousands of years.

No one says bad for her other than the Protestants and no one cares about the Baptist doctrine, except the sixteen million adherents to that sect in the USA.

5% of the population denying homage to Mary of Carmen.

That was one her last name.

Another was Mary daughter of Joachim.

Her father was married to St. Anne David. The rich man was unable to conceive a child with his barren wife and fasted in the desert for forty days and forty nights.

The same amount of time the rains fell to fold the world for Noah's Ark.

Angels appeared to announce the blessed birth of Mary.

Another miracle.

Forty days and forty nights.

I have forty days and nights left on my Lental abstinence of beer.

Gratis vino i superstes erit.

The Wine Pissing Son Of Elohim

More than two thousand years ago Mary age 12-14 declared to her sterile husband that she had been impregnated by Elohim, the mythical God of the Hebrews. Joseph thought it was bullshit until Jesus pissed wine. Then everyone loved him like Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.

The Feast of the Immaculate Conception

The Feast of the Immaculate Conception has been celebrated by the Catholic Church on December 8th since as early as the 5th Century, but does not commemorate the virginal conception of the Blessed Mary. The Feast of the Annunciation marks Virgin Mary getting mystically pregnant without any sex.

A miracle, but I believed as a young boy that Mary had had an affair and came up with a miraculous alibi accepted by her parents.

Unbelievable.

Not to the believers.

Jesus Jah Ma

PublishedFeb 20, 2015

“I have nothing against Christ. It’s your Christians I hate.”

This remark has historically been attributed to Saladin the Arab Jihadist during the Crusades.

I feel the same way about most religions except beer-worshippers.

“Every day is Beermas," my mate Nick declared at Pattaya's Buffalo Bar with the fervor of a suicide beer-drinker.

"The same for me." I celebrated Beermas often.

I don’t believe in God, Jesus, or an afterlife and certainly not that Mary was a virgin. That story about the Immaculate Conception was a cover-up for her affair with a mere mortal and it’s about time the church gave up that ghost.

Several years back a newspaper had reported that a female convict in SE Asia had achieved a virgin birth in solitary confinement.

I don’t remember where.

Thankfully there have been no calls about the 2nd Coming of Jesus, although Christian missionaries have been ratcheting up their efforts to convert Thai youth to the passion of God.

Big G wearing a muumuu like Buddha.

Several years ago my friend Ek lost his brother to preachers in Chonburi.

Now Poey’s a Sunday boy. He and his wife pray to God, happy to be saved for the heaven beyond this life.

One day the white-devil bible-thumpers established a mission down the street from my house and the Buffalo Bar.

Jehovah Witnesses.

My ex-wife asked me about Christ.

"They say he give paradise in sa-wan."

"Yes, heaven without beer and sum-tam."

Thai women couldn't live with out the spicy papaya salad.

"No want go heaven no have sum-tam."

That night I spray-painted 666 on the wall.

The next day the small congregation were on their knees praying for the number to disappear by the grace of God.

After 30 minutes they switched to soap and water.

By nightfall the 666 was a shadow.

Only 1% of Thais answered Christ’s summon. The number was bound to rise with the increased uncertainty of the times. Maybe the True Believers will get 1.1%. And if Jesus comes they can go to heaven and leave the rest of us behind.

Bon Voyage true believers.

Macha Bucha Day

Most westerners have no idea why the Thais have so many holidays and grouse continually how these festivities interfere with their worship of beer and go-go girls, however no Thais ever ask why the birth of Christ is only seventeen days after the Immaculate Conception, so get ready for Macha Bucha Day. This Buddhist holy day celebrates the spontaneous gathering of 1250 of Lord Buddha's disciples to hear his words of peace and nothingness. The thai go to the wats in droves to promenade three times around the structure with lit candles and actually this holy day is one of Thailand's most beautiful.

So all you wicked farangs, stock beer for home consumption, but try to do something Thai for a change instead of being a fat lump of lard.

It's never too late to lose that beer belly.

Well, maybe for some us it is.