Showing posts with label sumatra. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sumatra. Show all posts

Thursday, June 11, 2026

THE TASTE OF PIG by Peter Nolan Smith

My great-grandaunt Bert circumnavigated the world on her father’s whaling ship in 1868-1869. In 1960 National Geographic published a story about her childhood travels and at her 101st birthday the old Yankee lady related tales of the black-toothed betel-nut chewers of Siam and tiger hunts on Java.

The only two other family members of the previous generation had visited the Orient. My Uncle Dave had served on a destroyer during the Battle of Biak in World War II and my grand-aunt Marion traveled through Indonesia in the 1950s. She brought back a statue of a bare-breasted Legong dancer from Bali. Their travels to faraway places sparked my imagination and throughout my youth I dreamed of traveling to Indonesia.

My chance to scratch this itch came in 1990.


That December after a successful holiday stint selling jewelry I sold a 10-carat diamond for a good profit and sought to temporarily quit my job at the diamond exchange. Manny, my boss, asked my plans.

"I’m going to travel to Indonesia and write a novel." My commissions on holiday sales and savings from working every day of the Christmas season added up to enough an around-the world ticket and cover my expenses for about six months throughout the Orient.

"You should invest your money in some diamonds. That's how you make more money."

"I want to see the other half of the world."

"Suit yourself, but don't expect a job when you get back." Manny was twenty years older than me and hadn't taken on a vacation in years.

"I won't."

I bought an aroun the world ticket from Panexpress for $1400. MYC-LA-Biak-Bali-Java-Singapore_Bangkok-Kathmandu-Paris-London-NYC. I also purchased THE ROUGH GUIDE to Indonesia and researched the various islands of the populous archipelago to plan a two-thousand mile trip from Biak in Irian Jaya to Sumatra in the west.

My family up-country farewell party in Boston was a blur of good luck wishes and the day before my departure I rode the subway up to 47th Street to say my good-byes and receives my commission.

"How long are you going?" Manny paid out my money in hundreds and the stack had a good feel to it. I wasn’t rich, just free.

"Six months. I'll be back in time for the wedding season."

“Six months? Sei gesund.” Manny returned to sorting diamonds. The Brownsville native loved his work. He was happy on 47th Street. I was happy two days later catching a flight from JFK to LA on Garuda Air, Indonesia’s national carrier.

After a week in LA I boarded a Garuda 747 to cross the vast Pacific. THe airliner landed at the small fishing port of Biak in Irian Jaya. Bali-bound tourists bought cannibal souvenirs from the small gift shop. Two missionaries were greeted by their Melanesian flock and boarded Cessnas to their churches. The 747 lifted off the tarmac.

I was the only Mistah or white man on the island, at least until I met Larry Smith, a fameed diver opening up a dive shop here. His boat's engine was kaput, but his Zodiac was good for free-diving off the cliff like reefs. And I couldn’t be happier, drinking a Bintang beer with the Texan on the veranda of the old Dutch hotel overlooking Cendrawasih Bay.

For the next three months I traversed Indonesian archipelago on boats, ferries, trains, and buses. Indonesia possesses hundreds of languages and cultures. Each journey brought me to a new land. The kids shouted 'allo mistah' and Bahasa Indonesian became my fourth language. My first second language had been Latin thanks to being an altar boy. It was of no use in the Orient.

After crossing Java by train in early April, I flew out of Jakarta to Padang and stayed the night in a cheap hotel on the Indian Ocean. After swimming in the ocean at dawn I showered and caught the Sumatran coastal market town on a bus bound for the Batak Highlands. Some 600 kilometers to the north. The seats and aisles were crammed with Sunday shoppers and I stood at the open back door smoking a kretek cigarette. Sweating profusely from the coastal humidity. The clove and tobacco smoke mixed well with the diesel fumes from the bus' laboring engine.

I studied the chattering passengers.Their smiling faces were ethnically different from the dour lowlanders and halfway up the mountain they sang a song, which I immediately recognized as BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON.

I had first hear the church tune in Jimmy Cliff’s THE HARDER THEY COME. I loved the Melodians’ reggae version and I joined the impromptu choir. The closest passengers stared at me with amusement. At the end of the song an old man rose from his seat and shook my hand.

“Chretian?” He had several front teeth. They looked sharp.

“Christian,” I replied without hesitation. My atheism was a secret better kept from the devout.

“Saya nama John.” His English was a step above the usual ‘hello mistah’ from most rural Indonesians. “Where you go?”

“Danau Tobah.” I took out my Nelles map.

The largest lake in Indonesia was set within a gigantic volcano. I had seen its photos in National Geographic. My grandmother in Maine had the entire collection in the attic and those magazines set my heart to distant lands. His index finger stabbed the map.

“Tobah my home. You stay at my guest house. Very cheap. Very good.” John motioned for the young man next to him to get out of his seat.

“No.” I waved off the offer. “I like standing.”

“No, you big mistah. You my friend. Sit. Duduk.” The word sounded more like an order and I sat in the young man’s place. Accepting an offer is always better than refusing one in the strange land.

On the climb through the mountains John proudly recounted the traditional fierceness of Batak warriors. saying, "Many of our people serve in the top ranks of the Indonesian military. I fought for British against Communists in Malaysia. Where I learn speak your language. Good money."

The Irish and Scots had assisted the English in the conquest of the world. John's tribe had done the same for Java for the Dutch and Malaysia for the British.

"My family live Lake Toba. Since before time.”

“It says in my book that the Batak people came to Sumatra 2500 years ago.” The Rough Guide delved deeply into history.

“2500 years before time.”

“This book states that 50,000 years ago Lake Toba blew up and nearly killed off everyone on Earth at the time. Some scientists think the population of the world was reduced to 10,000 and they lived someplace in Central Asia.”

“That book say many things, but Batak people believe world came from Sideak Parujar."

"Sideak Parujar."

"Yes, goddess leave husband, a lizard-god.”

John related the Batak tale of creation in a combination of Bahasa Indonesian, English and a little Batak to the passengers. I understood about 5%. Thankfully he was a skilled mime. The rest of the bus listened intently to every word and the children shuddered, as John stabbed downward with his hand.

“Sideak Parudjar thrust sword into Naga Padoha. He not die. God never die and every time he move earth shake.”

His captive audience applauded his story and John lit a kretek cigarette.

I liked the smell of burning cloves.

“As Christian we not believe in other gods, but the old stories too good to give up. Maybe tonight you tell story.”

Nearing dusk the bus descended from the volcano’s rim to the floor caldera of Lake Toba. A two-story ferry waited a Parapat and we boarded a ferry to the island on the opposite shore. Mostluy Batak passengers. Three westerners. The temperature was much cooler as expected from anywhere 2900 meters above sea level.

John’s Batak Villa was simple and cheap. The food adequate. My room’s deck offered a lake view facing the high rim of the ancient volcano. The other guests were European backpackers. German, French, and of course Australians eager to leave their subcontinent. Few Americans traveled this far from the States. That night at the lakeside terrace I narrated the story of the Evans Mountain ghost. His family gathered around our table, as I introduced the Batak clan to a haunted house in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. The Evan's Mountain House.

John struggled to translate my tale. The two of us acted out the ghosts and the little children shivered with the old man's version. At the end the children clapped their hands and John said, “Good story. Everyone like. They think Mistahs not have ghosts. Only have one god. Good story. Now go sleep.”

I spent the next few days sightseeing I spent the next few days sightseeing around Samosir Island on a Honda 115cc motorcycle. Even driving off the island to Hadabuan Naisogop Waterfalls to the west. The river was icy cold. I ate a nasi goring, In the waterfront town of Pangururan. I was so far away from the Western World, but at night I listened to the BBC on my Sony World Band radio. Ever so far from London.I ate a nasi goring, In the waterfront town of Pangururan. I was so far away from the Western World, but at night I listened to the BBC on my Sony World Band radio. Ever so far from London.

The lake was too reedy for swimming. Like an ancient water ogre was trying to seize your ankles. While it wasn’t the rainy season, the equatorial sun flayed the skin off my shoulder. John’s wife salved my burnt flesh with a healing clove oil.


Every evening I ate with John’s family. They asked questions about my family. I lied about a dead wife. They all said sorry. I showed photos of my nieces and nephews, claiming that they were mine. A man my age without a wife or children was considered strange and unlucky by the Bataks and all Indonesians. They had big families and the children strangely cried all the time unlike any other small ones in Indonesia. They had big families and the children strangely cried all the time unlike any other small ones in Indonesia.

“They think they big. Not understand they small,” explained John.

The day before my departure to Medan John invited me to a pig roast in a mountain village. We arrived at a compound of wooden houses before sunset. The thatched roofs were curved like the horns of bulls. Bulls were a sign of wealth throughout Indonesia and much of Southeast Asia.

Dogs crept closer to steal the offal. John warded them off with a club.

"Angin no good."

"They like people."

"Because people give dog food. I no trust dog, but everything have tondi, man, pig, dog.”

“Tindi.” I figured tindi meant soul.

Two younger men tended to the cooking. Pig fat sizzled onto the coals. We had finished the beer and drank arak or rice wine from plastic bags.

“Tindi live many places. The first in body. The second in birth bag from woman.”

“I was born with the placenta wrapped around my head. In the land of my grandmother the Irish think that gives the new-born the gift of sight.”

“Sight?”

I searched for the right word from a small Bahasa-English dictionary.

“Penglihatan, but with mind.”

“Ah, ESP,” John rattled off an explanation to his friends and they murmured in appreciation of my gift.

Batak people understood the shadow worlds.

"In old days every Batak men have birth bag buried special place to protect tindi.”

“Not the same as in America.” Doctors chucked the placenta out with the trash.

"America have no tindi."

"Too much tindi."

Spirituality in the West was the domain of priests, ministers, and rabbis and I almost told John and his friends this, except they believed every man was in touch with the world beyond our senses.

Once the pig was cooked, thick slabs of pork were sliced with the long curved kris. We ate with my right hand, since the left hand was for wiping the ass. John called his right hand ‘Adam’s Spoon’.

A young man broke out hasapsi, a traditional two-stringed lutes to play a lyrical song. More plastic sacks of arak were passed round the fire. A fiery combination.

“You like pig.” John swayed to the music.

The other men were entering a pig flesh trance like Americans after gorging on turkey on Thanksgiving Day.

“Saya suka babi sekali.” I had never tasted better pig.

The older men toasted my compliment with hunks of sizzling meat held in greasy hands. We smoked kretek cigarettes to the filter and I felt one with them enough to muster up the courage to ask John a question, which had been nagging me for days.

"Islam came to Banda Aceh almost seven hundred years ago. Most of Indonesia submitted to Allah, but the Batak and other mountain tribes resisted Mohammad's call. Why?” “First we have the Batak tradition.” John licked at his lips and spoke slowly in simple Bahasa, “At one time Batak people ate men.”

“I had read that.” The Rough Guide covered every aspect of a culture without recrimination.

“We drank blood and ate heart, palms and soles of feet. They were good eating and rich with ‘tindi’ or the life-soul of eaten. In old days we ate man with his family. We suck the bones dry. The meat we eat last and we store bones in cave. If man stranger, we ate him cepat. Fast fast. You know what we call these men?”

“No.” The fire flickered low. Dogs slept at our feet. The jungle was filled by silent shadows. The horned houses were giant buffaloes. I could have been Marco Polo. The year was 1231 AD.

“Babi Bisa,” he spoke the words in a hush.

The other men woke from their stupor and muttered the words in unison, “Babi Bisa."

“Big pig?”

I recognized the words from my guidebook's extensive dictionary, but I didn’t like John's tone.

“Yes, and that why we not Muslims. Because pig taste like man. We killed them on stone.”

The elder explained our conversation to his tribesmen. They laughed and stared at me with an ancient hunger. No one in my family had ever eaten another human being and I tried to hide my shaking as I said, “I like pig too. Not because it tastes like man. I like pig, because it tastes good. Even the oink.”

I snorted several times in my best imitation of a pig.

The party chuckled in convulsion and lifted bags of warm arak. The pig was gnawed to the bone. The snarling dogs had their way with the carcass. In the end we snacked on the crispy ears. The fire died out and John walked me to the hotel.

At the door to my room he said, “I tell story to many Mistahs. It is joke. No Batak eat man in hundred years. Many westerners run away, not you. Why?”

“Because I like pig too.” Bacon was my favorite meat.

“Why?”

“Nothing taste like it.”

“Not babi besa?”

“I don’t know, but I think not. Man is not as clean as a pig and not as smart. Dumb men can’t be good eating. I also think the only reason we survived the tigers was that we smell baa and taste worse.

John lifted his head to the stars and laughed aloud. He clapped me on the shoulder and fondled his muscle.

“You not good food. Too tough.”

“Same you.” “Same you. We are both pria tua.” I was thirty-eight an John had to be in his forties. Both old men.

His wife shouted for him to come inside. John ignored his wife’s entreaty and walked over to the restaurant. His friends greeted him. John's right hand surveyed the flesh on a fat man. He turned and mouthed the words.

“Babi besa.”

“Sekali bagus.” Good eating, because a young pig was always better than an old pig even with babi besa.

“Sama sama. I not here in morning. Selamat jalan.” John wished me a good trip.

“Selamat tingaal.” I wished him a good life. It was the best thing to do with someone who hadn’t eaten you. And everyone who has a taste for pig knows that is the truth.

And everyone who has a taste for pig knows that is the truth.

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Explorer Club Trophy Room 9/16/2025

Yesterday I was in the explorer's Club. A member in good standing for the past two years. Visiting the trophy room with three friends I told them stories about how the skins and tusks and artifacts arrived here. Hunting and exploring. I myself possess an elephant's foot from Andy Reese, ballet dancer and film maker for Club 57. He bequeathed the item after his passing from AIDS back in the 1980s. In 1991 coming down the west coast of Sumatra I recall hearing a tiger roar in the distance. It sounded like it was behind me. Chills up and town my spine.

I check ed this message and discovered once more that I had misspelled and as adn. A common occurence as I have been blessed with manulysia, dyslexia of the fingers, which mihgt have to do with that I was born a natural lefthander, however the Sisters of St. Joseph at my parochial school south of Boston regarded that as a sin or lámh chlé in Gaelic. My nana called it Kithou, which might have meant something else. I write with my right hand, but deal cards with my left. I resisted change whenever I could.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

BERENTI MISTAH by Peter Nolan Smith

In 1991 I bought a round-the-world ticket for $1399 from Pan Express. The owner set up a magical itinerary.

"New York - LA - Hawaii - Biak - Bali - overland to Jakarta." John recited the trip from memory, since he sold hundreds of these tickets every year.

"What do you mean 'overland to Jakarta'?" Their advertisement in the NY Times offered a flight between Bali and Jakarta.

"Oh, sir." The Hindi travel agent produced an Indonesia brochure extolling the volcanic beauty of Mount Bromo, ruined temple of Borobuder, and ancient palaces of Yogakarta. "Many people prefer to travel overland to see the sights of Java of which there are many. I will reserve you a flight from Jakarta to Padang."

"Padang?"

"Yes, sir, in Sumatra." Another brochure praised the cultural heritage of the Batak, the awe of Lake Toba, and the jungle paradise of the orangutang reserve. "You fly out of Medan to Penang and Malaysia and overland to Bangkok."

"Let me guess." I was falling into step with the program. "Most people do this overland."

"Yes, sir. What are you going to do on the trip?" Hindi are a curious people and John was no exception.

"I'm writing a novel." NORTH NORTH HOLLYWOOD was a story about a hustler forced into a contract murder of a porno producer by dirty NYPD cops and who avoids violating the 5th Commandment by escaping into the desert with two lesbians filming a movie about the last man on Earth. John didn't need to know the plot. Hindi men were in some ways very curious about sex.

"Oh, sir, I must warn you that many countries in Asia do not like writers, especially journalists."

"I'm not a journalist." My typing was atrocious and my grammar was even worse.

"Whatever you do, do not tell anyone you are a writer." His head bobbed side to side like a broken bobbing dolls. "The police do not like journalists in Asia."

"I'll keep that in mind."

John was 100% correct about overlanding across Java.

I saw the dawn from the rim of a volcano, met the sultan of Yogakarta, drove up to the vertiginous heights of the Dieng Plateau, endured the scorching equatorial sun riding a motorcycle around Lake Toba and watched male orangutang masturbate without shame. The females shunned the jerk-offs. I arrived at the Medan airport for the flight to Penang. The police spotted my typewriter. I

"Berenti, mistah.

"Saya?" I had learned a little Bahasa in three months.

"Yes, you." A short pineapple-skinned officer nodded and his two uniformed compatriots pulled me from the line. The other passengers smiled with relief, happy to not be me. The police sat me in their very official office and the head officer asked, "Journalis?"

The trio wore grim faces. A single overhead fan wobbled in its socket. The chair was nailed to the floor.

"Tidak journalis. Penulis buca." I claimed the higher status than journalist.

"You write books? About what?" The lead interrogator leaned forward with a metal sap in his hand.

"About the mafia. Porno. Hollywood." I was one smack away from squealing the truth about any crime dating for Adam's eating an apple .

"Hollywood?" The three cops intoned the word with sanctity normally reserved for Allah. Indonesia was 90% Muslim.

"Yes, Hollywood." I followed the lead and told them about how JFK was killed by the CIA. They spoke about the betrayal of Sukarno by the present dictator. A bottle of Johnny Walker Black hit the desk. Red is beneath them. We drank toasts to freedom.

"Beraka," I spoke every language with a Boston accent.

Whiskey in hot weather was a hard slog. It was getting late and I asked the chief officer, "So I missed my flight, how do I get to Penang?"

"You didn't miss your flight. We held the plane. One more drink and kamu boleh pergi."

"To whiskey." Without it the Irish would have ruled the world.

The police drove me to the waiting plane. The other passengers were gobsmacked by re-appearance from the belly of the beast and even more so by the power fist salute of the police.

"Beraka."

It was a small world after all.

Monday, November 28, 2016

FROM BIAK TO MEDAN on Kindle Amazon

FROM BIAK TO MEDAN covers my travels from Indonesia's Irian Jaya to Sumatra in 1991. A time was before cellphones and ATM. My modes of transport were liners, jets, prop planes, horses, motorbikes, trains and buses. I was a 'mistah', but soon learned enough Bahasa Indonesian to know that 'angin' was dog and 'babi bear' or big pig meant man to cannibals. These are the first of a series of stories from the Ring of Fire, when I was still younger than yesterday.

Selamat Datang

Here's a sample OF FROM BIAK TO MEDAN

BERENTI MISTAH

In 1991 I bought a round-the-world ticket for $1399 from Pan Express. The owner set up a magical itinerary.

"New York - LA - Hawaii - Biak - Bali - overland to Jakarta." John was reciting the trip from memory. He sold hundreds of these tickets every year.

"What do you mean 'overland to Jakarta'?" Their advertisement in the NY Times offered a flight between Bali and Jakarta. My foreign ventures had been limited to Europe and Central America up to this point.

"Oh, sir." His Hindi gentility was measured to assuage the traditional occidental temper and John produced an Indonesia brochure extolling the volcanic beauty of Mount Bromo, ruined temple of Borobudur, and ancient palaces of Yogakarta. "Many people prefer to travel overland to see the sights of Java of which there are many. I give you a flight from Jakarta to Padang."

"Padang?"

"Yes, sir, in Sumatra." Another brochure praised the cultural heritage of the Batak, the awe of Lake Toba, and the jungle paradise of the orangutang reserve. "You fly out of Medan to Penang and Malaysia and overland to Bangkok."

"Let me guess." I was falling into step with the program. "Many people do this overland."

"Yes, sir, you see the picture better than most. What are you going to do on the trip?" Hindi are a curious people. John was no exception.

"I'm writing a novel." NORTH NORTH HOLLYWOOD was a story about a hustler forced into a contract murder of a porno producer by dirty NYPD cops and who avoids violating the 5th Commandment by escaping into the desert with two lesbians filming a movie about the last man on Earth. John didn't need to know the plot. Hindi men were in some ways very curious about sex.

"Oh, sir, I must warn you that many countries in Asia do not like writers. Especially journalists."

"I'm not a journalist." My typing was atrocious and my grammar was even worse.

"Whatever you do, do not tell anyone you are a writer." His head bobbed side to side like a broken bobbing dolls. "Big people and police do not like journalists in Asia."

"I'll keep that in mind."

John was 100% correct about overlanding across Java. I saw the dawn from the rim of a volcano, met the sultan of Yogakarta, drove up to the vertiginous heights of the Dieng Plateau, endured the scorching equatorial sun riding a motorcycle around Lake Toba and watched male orangutang masturbate without shame. The females shunned the jerk-offs. I arrived at the Medan airport with my trip and book at the halfway state.

I queued for the flight to Penang. The police spotted my typewriter. I

"Berenti, mistah.

"Saya." I had learned a little Bahasa in three months.

"Yes, you." A short pineapple-skinned officer pointed my way. The three of them pulled me from the line. The other passengers smiled with relief. I was their sacrificial lamb. The police sat me in their very official office and asked, "Journalis?"

The trio wore grim faces. Torture was their specialty. A single overhead fan wobbled in its socket.

"Tidak journalis. Penulis buca." I claimed the higher status than journalist.

"You write books? About what?" The lead interrogator leaned forward with a metal sap in his hand.

"About the mafia. Porno. Hollywood." I was one smack away from squealing the truth about any crime from Adam upward.

"Hollywood?" The three cops intoned the word with sanctity normally reserved for Allah. Indonesia was 90% Muslim.

"Yes, Hollywood." I followed the lead and told them about how JFK was killed by the CIA. They spoke about the betrayal of Sukarno by the present dictator. A bottle of Johnny Walker Black hit the desk. Red is beneath them. We drank toasts to freedom.

"Beraka." I spoke every language with a Boston accent.

Whiskey in hot weather was a hard slog. It was getting late and I asked the chief officer, "So I missed my flight, how do I get to Penang?"

"You didn't miss your flight. We held the plane. One more drink and tua jalan."

"To whiskey." Without it the Irish would have ruled the world.

The police drove me to the waiting plane. The other passengers were gobsmacked by re-appearance from the belly of the beast and even more so by the power fist salute of the police.

"Beraka."

It was a small world after all.

To purchase for $1.99, please go to the following URL

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00I6LGIVK

Terima Kasih Bayat

Thursday, August 21, 2014

BEAR SEASON by Peter Nolan Smith

Hunting season along the Hudson River opened in mid-October.

Bow and arrows only.

Guns weren't allowed until November, so I felt relatively safe walking in the woods wearing a neon-orange hooded sweatshirt. No animal in that color existed north or south of Troy, New York and during the shooting season non-hunters drape their bodies in brilliant orange to prevent any hunter from mistaking them for a deer.

d

“No one has ever been refused a hunting license because they’re color blind,” Floyd told me at the Green Acres Tavern. The drinking establishment on Rte. 29 was brightly lit at all hours of the day, since the owner thought people looked more honest under 100-watt light.

“So someone might shoot me even if I’m wearing this.” The orange was hurtful to the eye.

“If drink was involved, everyone is fair game.” Belvin shrugged his shoulders.

The fifty-six year-old farmer was a crack marksman. The previous weekend he had scored 99 out of 100 with a bolt-action .308 Winchester. “People shoot at whatever they see come hunting season. One time I’m sitting here and this down-stater enters the tavern, telling everyone about the spike-horn deer he killed. None of us had ever heard about this species of deer and asked to see his kill. It was a billy goat.”

“That’s nothing. Them folks will shoot anything that moves.” A scrawny UPS driver diverted his attention from the NFL replays. People up here like talking about hunting season. “My uncle’s game warden down in Duchess County. One time he stops a truck on Route 44 and asks the driver what he has on the roof. The driver tells him a spotted deer. It was a St. Bernhard.”

“I lost a cow to a hunter three years ago.” A lady mournfully remembered with a Bud in her hand. “She was a good milker.”

“I’ve never hunted in my life.” My father was vehemently anti-gun, so the majority of my experience with weapons came from shooting with my Dutch uncle Howie Hermann at the 20th Street Shooting Range in Manhattan. Every Monday night we would meet at the 2nd Avenue Deli and then drive over to shoot pistols; Lugers, Colts, S&W ad infinitum. Howie was real gun-nut.

Sweet as pie, but he liked his guns.

“Nothing wrong with not hunting," another drinker commented from the end of the bar. His voice betrayed his real feeling on the subject. Guns were sacred this far north of New York City.

“I know that.” My youth had been spent in Maine. Deer and bear had been strapped to cars during hunting season. Their blood dripping over the windows was a badge of manhood in the North. “I never really wanted to kill anything, but I’m not saying it’s not a good thing as long as it’s for eating.”

“Deer meat’s good.” Belvin had a side of deer in his freezer. “Bear not so good.”

“If you get them in the fall, you can grill them up as steaks.” A bearded beer-drinker added from his stool. Everyone here knew everyone. “But they cook up dry real quick.”

“But if you undercook it, you get trichinellosis.” I was the outsider, but was familiar with this problem thanks to reading about the disastrous Franklin polar expedition. The crew ate bear and died of trichinellosis.

“That’s deadly, ain’t it?” The beer-drinker was scratching his head, as if his fingers might jog lose the brain cells holding that information.

“Same as if you ate uncooked pig.” Belvin was a subsistence farmer. He could eat everything on his land, excepting the tree bark and his wife knew how to make teas from them. “You get nausea, heartburn, dyspepsia, and diarrhea. That’s why the Jews and Muslims don’t eat pork.”

“I’m not so sure that’s the reason. I have a lot of Jewish friends who are bacon Jews. They love pork. I think the real reason that their religions prohibit pork is that it tastes so good.” At least to my palate. “I was in Sumatra once. A big island in Indonesia. Full of Muslims. Anyway I go up to the highlands and the people are Christians. Everyone of them. They even sing Christian prayer songs like BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON. We were out in the forests and I asked them as we were cooking wild pig, why they didn’t become Muslims like everyone else. The elder explained that they loved the taste of pork too much to give it up for any god.”

“Not much tastes better than bacon.” The UPS driver smacked his lips.

“What about apple pie?” The woman eyed the dessert tray by the kitchen window. The food at the tavern was home-made.

“Apple pie is pretty damn good, but it ain’t meat.” The bearded farmer’s statement granted him a bar of nodding heads.

“The pig that night on Sumatra was good. The hill people ate everything, but the oink. Afterwards the headman asked, “You know why we like pig so much?” I shook my head and he answered by saying, “Because it tastes like man.”

“Cannibals.” Belvin’s hand reached for a gun at his waist. The .357 was in the truck.

“Supposedly not anymore, but I didn’t like the way they were looking at me. Sort of like a fat person after eating a salad.”

“What you do?” The UPS driver was on the edge of his seat.

“I thanked them for the dinner and headed home. I thought they were going to bushwhack me on the trail. I locked the door of the hotel and left the next day. Believe I was happy to be back with the Muslims, although they were a little grim about my beer-drinking, but I’ve never heard of any Muslim cannibals.”

“Me neither.” The bartender put a shot of whiskey in front of me.

“What’s that for?”

“You won the biggest bullshit story of the night award.” Belvin scanned the rest of the clientele. They were locals. “No one here can come up with better.”

“But it wasn’t bullshit.” My bone marrow trembled with the remembrance of the ex-cannibals’ faces.

“You should make it a double.” The UPS driver had returned his gaze to the Jets’ highlights. “He even believes his own bullshit.”

“Here’s to bullshit.” I drained the shot and ordered a round for the bar. It wasn’t painful. Buds in the Green Acres are only $2.50 and that’s everyone’s favorite beer. Mine was Labatt’s Blue. It cost $3. Belvin drove me home before midnight. We had long tomorrows ahead of us. He left me off at the end of my friend’s drive.

“That was sure some good story.” Belvin was smiling with the belief that I was the best bullshitter he had heard in some time.

“Thanks.” Sometimes it’s best not to disappoint the masses. I waved goodnight and Belvin disappeared over the crest of the hill. In the light of the moon my sweatshirt glowed orange. I made it home without a single shot coming in my direction.

Next month would be another story.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Islands Of Nowhere

In the winter of 1991 I spent a month on the Pulau Weh at the westernmost tip of Sumatra.

The quiet island was remote. Few westerners ventured north from Medan. There were better beaches in Thailand and an ethically more interesting culture around Lake Toba, however I was drawn to this destination knowing it was the end of the great Indonesian archipelago.

One evening I rode a 115cc motorcycle to the highest point of the island.

I was surprised to see distant island floating on the sunset's horizon.

They were not on my Nelly map.

Upon my return to New York, I visited the map room of the 42nd Street library. The woman at the desk provided e with several maps, both nautical and topical.

No islands dotted the Indian Ocean so close to Pulau Weh other than Great Nicobar.

Google Maps shows a single island between the two.

It has no name.

Neither had the Senkaku or Diaoyu Islands in the South China Sea. The unpopulated were terra incognita until a recent territorial spat between Japan and China introduced the desolate five islets and three barren rocks to the world.

At stake is an expansion of fishing and oil rights.

None of the islands have water and they cannot support permanent human habitation, but unlike those islands north of Pulau Weh they are on the map and no nation owns them.

Same as Antarctica, however China has claimed air rights and international flights have been diverted from previous air traffic routes to avoid confrontation with a resurgent Middle Kingdom.

Both nations have naval ships cruising the waters.

Hopefully the winter weather will force the navies back to port and the Senkaku Islands will return to oblivion.

The Pacific Ocean almost looks clean this far from Man.

I hope it stays that way.