TIME Man Of The Year 2013

I was baptized a Catholic.

I have been an atheist since the age of 8.

The scandals of Holy Roman Church has reinforced my decision over the years, however I like the new pope.

Francis I was once a nightclub bouncer in Buenos Aires.

I worked that job for over twenty years in New York, Paris, Hamburg, London, and LA.

Francis I is one of us.

I got his back.

He supports the poor.

"Human beings themselves are nowadays considered as consumer goods which can be used and thrown away. We have begun a throw away culture. This tendency is seen on the level of individuals and whole societies; and it is being promoted! In circumstances like these, solidarity, which is the treasure of the poor, is often considered counterproductive, opposed to the logic of finance and the economy. While the income of a minority is increasing exponentially, that of the majority is crumbling."

No pope has spoken like this in my lifetime.

None dared to challenge the rich.

Even the Pirnce of Rome knows the price of questioning the status quo. I know the cost of silence. Pacem in terris. Free the world.

No Beer In Hell

Some things never change, especially if those in charge never change, and today the Vatican re-afformed that atheists such as myself are going to Hell to contradict the new Pope supposedly saying that non-believers could be saved through Christ if they do good. Hell is hell for the Holy Roman Church and in the words of the soul singer Curtis Mayfield, "If Hell's down below, then we're all gonna go." Not me, because I don't believe in Hell. Of course I'll be drinking cold beer before my death just in case there is a Hell, because there will be no cold beer in Hell. Only salty popcorn at a crowded cineplex with gun fiends shooting up sinners. Fuck the Vatican. There won't be any beer in their Heaven.

The Red Waltz Of The Cardinals

White smoke issued from the chimney of the Sistine Chapel signaling that the Catholic Church has a new pope, Francis I. Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elevated to the Papal throne to replace Benedict XVI who unexpectantly retired from the world earlier in the year. The new Pope is the first from Argentina. He is also a Jesuit and probably took the suname of the founder of the Society of Jesus, Francis Xavier. I was educated by the Jesuits at Boston College. They showed a zeal for bettering the minds of their students. They haven't been mentioned in the widespread scandal of child-abuse rocking the Church. During his time in Buenos Aires, the conservative cardinal opposed abortion and birth control as well as writing about same-sex marriage as follows, "Let's not be naive, we're not talking about a simple political battle; it is a destructive pretension against the plan of God. We are not talking about a mere bill, but rather a machination of the Father of Lies that seeks to confuse and deceive the children of God." So the Church has chosen. Life shall be as life has been for thousands of years. Not like I was expecting a change from Old Time Religion. I remain faithful to atheism. It's the modern way. ps The new pope is 75, meaning the cardinals weren't looking for a pope with longevity. And they found their man.

Ex-Benedict For Brunch

I love Eggs Benedict for Sunday brunch. Even better I would love for the Pope to get arrest tomorrow. His crimes are many and most are against the helpless. FUCK THE CHURCH and have a lovely breakfast with an atheist. We never preach.

Penguins and Dwarves

a joke from the roue of Bangkok, Alan Platt

The 7 Dwarfs go to the Vatican and, because they are the 7 Dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.

In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.

Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?'

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe

This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'

The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'
'Grumpy screwed a penguin!'

Papal Bungee Jumping

On 17 June 1982 London Police discovered the body of Roberto Calvi hanging by a rope from Blackfriar's Bridge. The Vatican's banker had bricks in his suit and $15,000 in his pocket. Investigators declared the the death murder. Five Mafia members were indicted for the crime. None were found guilty. A miracle for the Church, then again dead men never tell lies.