Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Khang Mai Dii / Bad Elephant


Here’s an elephant attack joke:

This tourist returns from Africa and calls his doctor.

“I was raped by an elephant.”

“Raped by an elephant?” The doctor is alarmed having once seen an aroused bull elephant at the circus. “I want you to come in right away.”

An hour later the man walks into the clinic. Each step misery. Once inside his office the doctor tells the patient to pull down his pants and is astounded by the size of the man’s distended anus.

“I know elephants have big penises, but this is huge.”

“Well,” The tourist lowers his head. “The elephant first fingered me.”

Lawang Farang


Andrew Drummond of www.andrew-drummond.com reported on March 8 2011 of the mysterious deaths of two Britons, a young New Zealander and a Thai tourist guide a few days apart. All had been staying at the Downtown Inn in Chiang Mai. All died of heart attack. The local Thai police quickly announced to the media, “We have to admit that these deaths coming one after another, are nothing more than coincidence."

The families of the deceased with astounded by this claim of coincidence and the Thai Police responded to their concerns by asking the families for money to conduct an autopsies, most of which would be put to good use in the weekend beer fund.

The entire episode is reminiscent of Hatchand Bhaonani Gurumukh Charles Sobhraj's sociopathic killing spree in the 1970s. The Indian/Vietnamese murderer tallied almost a dozen deaths. His victims were European travelers, whom he dosed with poison. He and his globe-trotting accomplices kept the sick alive long enough to steal their money. The Hotel Malaysia in Soi Duplee in Bangkok was infamous for his patronage. It was the first hotel at which I stayed in Thailand.

Scandal, go-go girls, and a room with a view of the swimming pool.

Room 234.

The hotel staff knew that I liked that room. A go-go girl from the Queen's Lounge on Patpong once jumped out of my window into the pool. She won 1000 baht from Ty Spaulding. Neither of us thought Nim would do it, but 1000 baht back in 1991 was the same money as sleeping with two fat farangs. Nim was smart. She knew the odds. Later she told me in her nakedness that she had leapt from this window before.

"First time scared. Second time no scared. This time mai penh rai."

I actually have a photo of her jumping from the balcony the next morning.

Nim was brave. She had a kid. No husband. She had to be brave for her baby.

I was traveling through Asia. The early 90s were a good time for Asia. Life was cheap. Beer was cold and the women were beautiful. It was paradise and at the age of 38 I felt young once more.

People like us didn't die at hotel's like the Malaysia or the Downtown Inn. We were tough as nails. Killers sought easy suckers. We were too much trouble to both them and ourselves. Mostly ourselves. It's why I'm alive today.

My existence is not for everyone, so tourists to Thailand 'beware of the dog'.

It has a bite.

Khang Noi Need Not Apply to Thai Air


Flying Thai Air from New York to Bangkok was a pleasure in the 1980s. New 747s, good food, generous servings of alcoholic beverage, and beautiful Thai stewardesses. Airlines hired these goddesses with the strategy that the girls married by the age of 25 to free up the hostess ranks for younger acolytes of the air. This unspoken policy worked well until flight attendants realized that their mothers could tend to their children, while they traveled the globe to earn a reasonable income. The 747s aged over the years as did the stewardesses. Service declined with their increasing waist size and last week Thai Airways announced that all flight attendants must comply with waistline and Body-Mass Index or BMI guidelines or be exiled from the sky.

Stewardesses and stewards immediately lodged a complaint with the Labor Court saying that this enforced weight loss plan threatened their health. Thai Airways countered that overweight flight attendants cost the airline in extra fuel costs. The Court accepted the petition, but has yet to decide whether they will issue a ruling pro or con.

I haven't flown Thai Airways in ages. The 747s are ancient, the tickets are overpriced, the food is miserable, and the flight staff rude and discourteous, plus they are stingy with the drink. Once a perennial top ten favorite carrier, Thai Air languishes at # 26 and the executives have chosen to point their fingers at the pum-poi air stewardesses as a major cause of the airline's failing rather than look in the mirror.

The rich are blind to blame, but the big brains at the helm of the Thai flagship airline have decided to hire skinny ka-toeys or lady boys to combat the females of extra weight.

Wait till those girls hit the TSA security lines at JFK.

Everyone will want to feel up a Thai shim.

They are so much fun.

"Hello, sexy man."

That cry will fill the 747s to the brim.

And then the big people at Thai Airways will be so smart again.

Like all rich people.

Monday, March 7, 2011

AMAZING STOPOVER


Thailand's Prime Minister Abhisit Vejjajiva has stressed to the the Tourism Authority of Thailand or TAT that the private investors should shift their investment from budget travelers from Europe and the USA to the 1st-class tourists from the upper-class of the wealthy class. Previous PMs have spoken the same words for the last 20 years convinced that 3 billionaires will spend more money on a weekend G4 Gulfstream caviar and champagne holiday than the record 15.8 million international arrival from the proelitariat class in 2010.

"We want sheiks from the Middle East, Mafia chetniks from the Balkans, druglords from Cali, dotheads from India and the super-dollar-rich from Shanghai."

This was the PM's underling message.

"Fuck the backpackers and fat farangs on Koh Samui and Pattaya."

This message was heard loud and clear, as the government announced yet-another campaign to lure the mega-rich to Bangkok.

AMAZING STOPOVER.

The PM Mark Abhisit Vejjajiva extended warm welcome to fellow members of the ruling class. He was born in England, educated at Eton, and graduated with honors from Oxford. Nothing the rich like better than hanging out with other rich people than putting it to the poor to appreciate the depth of their feeling of superiority.

AMAZING STOPOVER.

Stupid rich boy.

Just another pretty face for the ruling classes.

Who care nothing for their people.

Just like the rich of America.

BLACK BEAUTY / Arthur Lee's lost LP from 1973


The name Arthur Lee rebounded back to life this week with High Moon Records' announcement that his lost album Black Beauty will emerge from bootleg glory as a new release this summer. Love will once more be alive and Arthur Lee risen from the grave.

The founder of Love started the band in 1965. Hollywood was their home. They played up and down Sunset Strip; the Brave New World, Hullabaloo, Bido Lito's and the Sea Witch. An appearance at the Whisky a Go-Go earned Love a recording contract with Elektra Records. The group scored a Southern California hit with a cover of the Burt Bacharach/Hal David composition "My Little Red Book" and hit the US charts with "7&7 Is". FOREVER CHANGES (1967) is considered the pinnacle of Love's musical career.
They might have been bigger if they had a hit single, but success eluded kaleidoscopic members of Love. Arthur Lee was the star. He dismissed drummers, guitar players, and bassist whenever they threatened his genius.

Drugs were involved in his paranoia.

It was the late-60s.

The 70s began with the break-up of Love after the failure of their 1971 LP to chart on Billboard. Fame was followed by apathy. Acid rock gave way to more commercial guitar god bands. Arthur Lee's final recording effort was abandoned to the bootleggers. Trouble with the Law in the 90s earned Arthur Lee a 12-year sentence for illegal possession of firearms. The harsh punishment stemmed from previous convictions for drugs and assault. A judge released the musician in 2001 after the court determined that the DA in the 1995 trial had been guilty of misconduct.

Another black man imprisoned by 'legal error'.

Arthur Lee was grateful that his DNA didn't connect him to 9/11. A punk band approached the singer about playing his old hits with them as back-up. I was lucky enough to see two shows of Arthur Lee and Love in Williamsburg. AP, my friend/architect accompanied to the second concert. The Polish Meeting Hall was packed with rock and roll aficionados. We sang every song and I cried out for I'M DOWN, the dirge ballad about heroin addiction. Arthur Lee stayed away from that song. I couldn't blame him.

Heroin is trouble.

Sadly Arthur Lee died in 2006.

But dead or not he will come to life with BLACK BEAUTY.

Not only him, but Jimi Hendrix too, because Arthur Lee was trying so hard to be a god.

The only god known to play the left-handed guitar.

The critics hate BLACK BEAUTY, but those flacks are in it for the money.

They certainly don't get the glory.

I can't wait






In 1971, Lee was signed to Columbia Records and spent the better part of the summer recording, all of the songs were deemed unworthy of issue. (The entire Columbia project, along with a handful of demos were released for the first time in 2009 on Sundazed as "Love Lost.")Arthur Lee’s 1973 album ‘Black Beauty’ is finally being released



On

On December 12, 2001, Lee was released from prison, having served 5½ years of his original sentence. A federal appeals court in California reversed the charge of negligent discharge of a firearm, as it found that the prosecutor at Lee's trial was guilty of misconduct. After Lee was freed, he put together a new incarnation of Love and planned a Forever Changes 35th Anniversary Tour, to kick off at the Royal Festival Hall in London.

In 2002, Arthur Lee began touring in earnest under the name "Love with Arthur Lee". This new phase of his career met with great success, and he performed to enthusiastic audiences and critical acclaim throughout Europe, North America and Australia. Arthur Lee and The Love band (aka) Baby Lemonade, who first performed with Lee in May 1993 at Raji's, began performing the Forever Changes album in its entirety, often with a string and horn section. A live CD and DVD of this material was released in 2003.
Nils Lofgren performing at the Beacon Theater Benefit For Arthur Lee, June 23, 2006

Johnny Echols joined the new group for a special Forever Changes 35th Anniversary Tour performance at Royce Hall, UCLA, in the spring of 2003. Lee and the band continued to tour throughout 2003 and 2004, including many concerts in and around hometown Los Angeles, notably a show at the outdoor Sunset Junction festival and a headlining date with The Zombies. Echols occasionally joined Lee and the group on the continuing and final tours of 2004 to 2005.

Because of Arthur Lee's illness (acute myeloid leukemia), the details of which were not known by the band at the time, he could not participate in the final tour in July 2005. Since no one knew of his illness, Arthur's decision to forgo the final tour was met with angry, confused reactions. The remaining members of the band, along with Echols, continued to perform at the venues of the last tour (July 2005) without Lee, under the name The Love Band.
Arthur Lee
Black Beauty

image
Love, the 1973 incarnation.

Arthur Lee’s lost album Black Beauty is finally receiving an official release after nearly 40 years of being in bootleg limbo. Newly launched label High Moon Records is releasing it on June 7.

Originally planned to be released by Buffalo Records in 1973, Black Beauty was shelved when the label went bankrupt. It was recorded by one of Lee’s various incarnations of his band Love: Robert Rozelle, Bass Guitar ~ Joe Blocker, Drums ~ Melvan Whittington, Lead Guitar.

High Moon founder George Wallace stated in a press release that Black Beauty is “that rarest of rock artifacts: a never-before-released, full-length studio album, from an undisputed musical genius.”

To hear MIDNIGHT SUN from BLACK BEAUTY, please go to the following URL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6Eb1zEMlAY

OPEN CITY MAGAZINE RIP (1991-2011)


Open City Magazine issued its first edition in 1991. The editors promoted known and unknown writers. Adrian Dannett and Joanna Yaz ( see foto ) published my short story WHY I MISS JUNKIES in 2002 as well as several other pieces of my semi-fiction. OPEN CITY MAGAZINE will be missed by its readers and contributors, yet there is life after death, for OPEN CITY BOOKS will continue the tradition of its founding members; Thomas Beller, Daniel Pinchbeck, and the late Robert Bingham.

Milla Sgeulachd - Gaelic for a thousand story-tellers.