Wednesday, June 8, 2011

The End of Anti-Semiticism


Twenty years ago I'm walking through Jakarta to the port. A man of indeterminable race approached me with a smile. His greeting was in Hebrew to which I responded in Yiddish thanks to my studies of the writer Isaac B Singer.

"Are you Jewish?" The portly 30ish man asked with anticipation.

"No, but I'm the shabbos goy." I had spent the previous year on 47th Street schlepping diamonds between the Azhkanazi and the Hasidim. A good sale bought a round-the-world ticket. I was coming from Bali and headed to Sumatra.

"Then you're the closest thing to a Jew in this city." Jakarta was 99% Muslim.

"I like pastrami and don't mix dairy with meat." The Javanese weren't too friendly to Christians and the imans reserved a special vitriol for non-believers like myself. "Some of my best friends are Jewish."

"And I'll be your newest." David Mussery introduced himself as a Syrian Jew running a nightclub called the Pink Panther. We were the same age. I had worked at nightclubs in New York and Europe. We had mutual friends on three continents. That night I danced to LOUIE LOUIE and the Youngbloods DARKNESS DARKNESS with lithe hostesses and scary drag queens. David and I debated the truth according to the Talmud and Clint Eastwood. we drank gin and tonics with goddesses. I called mine 'Mata hari' or the eye of god. Her kiss was a dream. She could have been Miss Indonesia 1991. At dawn he offered me a job with very little pay.

"A sheygutz like you could make a fortune."

"Money and I are distant cousins." I was counting on getting rich in my next life.

"I could teach you the ways of my tribe." David was lonely. I had lived in Hamburg during the winter of 1982. Everyone was a German, but me. I also knew loneliness, but I had a ticket for a ferry this morning. David accompanied to the port with his hostesses. They bid me Selamat Jalaan with their hearts. The ladyboys cried on cue. David asked me to call him, if I passed through town again and I did the following year. He was a good Jew and being a good Jew has nothing to do with Israel.

It's a state of mind.

Not a nation.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

The Damned Live


Hurrah was a walk-up nightclub on 32 West 62nd Street. The second-floor had been a disco in its previous reincarnation. Studio 54 put it out of business. The new owners brought downtown uptown by booking punk bands into the dance space. Video monitors played music and strobed a kaleidoscope of images. My friends and I worked the punk disco for its heyday. Barmen, DJs, bookers, management, security, cashiers, and me employed as the doorman.

Our crowd were cute high school girls, models, drug dealers, movie stars, musicians, teenagers from the outer boroughs, off-duty cops, diplomats, doctors, and artists as well as a diverse collection of undesirables. $20 bought entry for anyone other than a rat pack of macho boys. They were trouble.

Dancing was the main attraction to Hurrah, a cool alternative to 54. The bookers loaded the stage with New York bands such as Klaus Nomi, ESG, Polyrock, and Ballistic Kisses to warm up the audience for headliners like the B-52s, Gang of Four, the Dead Boys, and the Ramones.

In June of 1979 The Damned from the UK hit Hurrah for a one-night stand with the Dead Boys. I was familiar with the band from their newly-released LP MACHINEGUN ETIQUETTE. The Jefferson Airplane’s WHITE RABBIT was a cover from the album. I had the single. RABID was on the B-side.

Aside from letting in underage girls from Fieldston Academy and cuffing twenties for extra wages, one of my tasks as doorman was to lead the top billing bands from the dressing room in the rear corridor through the crowd onto the low stage. A distance of 150 feet. People crammed together past capacity since a cashier and I had racketed the door and resold tickets to SRO shows.

The night of The Damned’s concert I probably had packed another hundred fans into the club. The Dead Boys had torn up the 700+ boys and girls. They wanted more and the more that they were going to get was The Damned. Hundreds chanted for the band. Their boots stomped hard on the wooden floor. The booker signaled me that it was time to get the band onstage. I went to the dressing room. The band was sitting on its asses, surrounded by the usual punk groupies. Cheetah Chrome of the Dead Boys sulked in the corner. The lead guitarist was not used to being ignored by his faithful sluts.

“What’s the problem?” It was obvious that the Damned were going anywhere.

“No Vodka. Our contact stipulated four bottles of Vodka. We ain’t got none.” The lead guitar was wearing a gorilla suit. Pink top. Yellow bottom. It was a warm June night and sweat rivuleted down his face. Hot pants and a tube tops would have been a better choice.

“No vodka. No show.” The black-haired singer announced with folded arms. His skin wwas covered by a film of white. He so wanted to look like a vampire.

“Gimme a minute.” I reckoned that the owners had refused the vodka fearing the band would hit the stage drunk, but if they wanted vodka, I was going to get them some. Jhoury was the head bartender. Long thin and gay, he had a thing for the lead singer. I told him the problem and his hands elegantly seized four bottles of bar-well quality.

Old Cossack.

“Lead the way.” The bottles, glasses, and mixers appeared on a tray, as if Jhoury had been waiting for this call all evening. He had a thing for straight boys with English accents and reveled in his glory, when the band sprang to their feet at the sight of the vodka.

“Good man.” The albino lead singer grabbed the bottles and distributed to his fellow band members. He waved away the glasses and mixers. “We’ll be drinking it neat.”

The Damned screwed off the tops and lifted the open bottles to pour the vodka down their gullets like baby birds swallowing their mother’s spew. Some of it made it down their throats. The rest spilled onto their clothes and floor. Jhoury was in wide-eyed awe. He like his drink too. The bottles were half-empty within a minute. Cheetah Chrome drank most of one. The drummer Rat Scabies smirked at him and said, “It’s showtime. Get us on the stage and keep any lit cigarettes away from us. We’re combustible.”

“Jhoury, you’re coming with me.” I eyed his tray. Jhoury smiled with thanks. He never got out from behind the bar and now he was leading rough boys through a thick crowd. He didn’t have to be told twice and we wedged out way through the phalanx of fans. The band picked up their instruments and opened the set with NEW ROSE.

It was a great show.

They did WHITE RABBIT as an encore.

By 3am Hurrah was empty and the band ready to hit the road on their bus. The Dead Boys with them. They were a double bill for the tour.

Destination Cleveland.

No one could find Cheetah Chrome and the bus pulled out without him. It wasn’t until Buffalo that someone opened the storage area under the bus and found Cheetah passed out on the speakers. He didn’t wake up until Cleveland. It was his hometown.

I never saw the Damned again, but Jhoury and I spoke often about them drinking the vodka. They were our heroes, then again so were so many of the bands that appeared at Hurrah. It was the best of times.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Tank Man Plus 22


22 years ago young protesters gathered in Beijing's Tiananmen Square to mourn the passing of a liberal official. Communist countries in Europe were collapsing like dominoes and the Chinese Politburo feared this non-violent threat to their regime. The hardline Premier Li Peng attempted to establish martial law, however the city troops had no heart to suppress their compatriots. Finally on June 4, 1989 the PLA cleared the square with live ammo. Thousands were wounded and hundreds killed by the People's Liberation Army.

The date lives in the Chinese psyche as the "Six Four Incident".

Order was restored in Beijing with an iron fist, however one brave man stopped a column of tanks cruising down Tiananmen's Chang'an Avenue on June 5, 1989. White shirt, black pants, bags in both hands. His face hidden from the cameras of the foreign press. He stood his ground and the tanks came to a halt. The young man climbed onto the lead tank to harangued the commander, then re-established his blocking position. Two men pulled the man into the crowd. Some people say they were police. Others say the two men helped him escape the police. His fate is unknown to this day.

His name is simply Tank Man.

And his act of courage is legend.

To view Tank Man's heroic confrontation, please go to the following URL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcvaSnmqZ40

You Bet I Would # 10


AVR -1971

GASLIGHT PINBALL by Peter Nolan Smith



Pinball was banned in New York City until 1976 when a pinball wizard proved to a courtroom that pinball was not a game of chance but one of skill by calling out his shots to the amazed judges. The ace later acknowledged that his called shot was pure luck, however pinball machines once more populated amusement arcades and bars. Coming from Boston I had spent hundreds of dollars in the pinball arcades along Washington Street, honing my skills on the slanted playing field.

In 1976 I quit my job as a substitute teacher in Boston and moved to New York in a stolen car. I lived in Park Slope and ran the lunch a gay restaurant in the 30s. Waiter, cook, busboy, barman, cashier. 10am-3:30pm. I earned about $50 a day. New York's premier entertainment area was Times Square. Porno store, go-go bars, massage parlors, XXX movie houses, pool, bars, and pinball. The amusement centers were filled with good players. The best was a Frenchman. We competed head to head once a week. Michel had soft hands. His flipper work was extraordinary. He won most of the time, but not always.

Michel worked as a bartender in Park Slope. The Gaslight Pub on 7th Avenue had cheap drinks, a good jukebox, a few beautiful girls from the neighborhood, and a great pinball machine. It was also two blocks from the apartment that I shared with a gay jazz impresario. The straight crowd at the bar didn't like queers. James didn't care whether they liked him or not. He was a drinker and bought the regulars drinks. They never questioned his largess, especially since I was friends with Davie Corr, an insane bank robber, who once robbed three banks in Flatbush back to back to back. Whenever a stranger challenged me to a pinball game, Davie backed my play. A dollar for 1000 points. I sometimes won by 100,000. It was a good business for a game of skill.

Michel and I battled regularly on SLASH. I maintained an advantage since he couldn't leave the bar long enough to get into his rhythm.

One night I entered the Gaslight and ordered a drink. Jack and Black. The men at the bar kept turning their head to the pinball machine, where a dark-haired skinny girl with big breasts was bumping the pinball machine with her pelvis like she was on a burlesque stage. She was wearing a band-aid of a mini-skirt and a skimpier tuebtop. Her skin was white as a zombie and she was showing most of it. Stiletto heels made her my height. Michel lifted his eyebrow and leaned over the bar.

"She had been playing like that for an hour."

"Non-stop?"

"Non-stop." He motioned with his head to go play with her. She wasn't his type. He liked black girls.

"Anyone play with her?"

"No one good enough here."

"Thanks for that vote of confidence."

At that time I had a theory that the way someone danced was the way they made love. Extending this hypothesis to pinball was a leap of faith and I asked the pinball player, if I could play a game.

"Pinball?" Her voice was pure Flatbush. She was a hometown girl.

"It's the only game in here." I slotted a dollar's worth of quarters in SLASH. We played for a half-hour. I beat her by thousands, but mostly because of how savagely her hips thumped the machine. After the tenth tilt I risked a slap in the face and asked, “Do you make love the same way?”

“Only one way to find out.”

She drank the rest of her drink and took my hand. I waved goodnight to Michel. James was walking down the block with two tough boys. He was into rough trade. Seeing me with Fran he smirked at the both of us without saying a word. He knew better than to cockblock a friend.

Fran lived a few blocks away from the bar. She taught kindergarten. I told her about teaching in South Boston during the busing riots. Her school was in Bed-Stuy. Her pupils were good kids. None of them ever saw her this way.

"Enough talk about school." She pulled me inside her ground-floor apartment and secured a series of locks. The windows were covered by heavy curtains. She didn't bother to switch on the lights.

"I have a crazy ex-boyfriend. He won't leave me alone." Fran stripped off my clothes. She knelled on the floor and shucked off my jeans. "You don't mind if we do it on the floor. I like it that way."

"Not at all."

It took Fran three seconds to get out of her clothes. She left on the high heels. They scraped over the wooden floor like spurs on a horse's back. Her white skin was covered with baby powder and she left a trail across the room. Her pelvis was breaking my bones, but she wouldn't let me go, not even when someone knocked on the door.

Her ex-boyfriend.

“Fran, I know you’re in there.” He called out her name several times and pounded on the door.

“Don’t stop. He’ll go away.” She humped upward with the same power as when she had been playing pinball. I was her SLASH and there was only one way for her to tilt me. The ex-boyfriend finally left the front door only to bang on the window. His persistence was a turn-on for Fran. A good kindergarten teacher and a wicked pinball player. She whispered dirty talk in my ea rand whimpered out a moan of release.

"That was good."

"For me too." It was a lie, but I had no intention of leaving her apartment, until I was certain that her ex-boyfriend was gone.

Back at the Gaslight Pub Michel set me up with a beer. I was exhausted from the first, second, and third times. James was in the back with his boys. He pretended not to see me. The rest of the bar was drunk. I had been gone two hours.

"So how was it?"

Normally I never discussed the secrets of the bedroom with another man, however Fran and I hadn't used her bedroom and Michel was a fellow pinball player.

"She did it just like she played pinball."

"I thought so." Michel winked at me and I went over to the pinball machine. My pelvis was bruised and my hands were weak. I tilted SLASH on the first go and that lack of skill had nothing to do with luck.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Donuts Have Holes


Today is National Doughnut Day. Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy Kreme are providing donuts to customers to celebrate the holiday. National Donut Day dates back to 1938 when the lassies of the Salvation Army gave out donuts to the needy. With many Americans living off the food from the 99 Cent Stores it's a good time for free food.

Donuts are good for you.

As long as you don't eat a dozen.

The World Record in 17 in 3 minutes.

Fast.

And the winner wasn't a bony Asian or crackhead American.

Go fat boys.

NIGHT ON THE TOWN


Last month I was in Thailand. I no longer live in Pattaya. Too many Russians, retirees, and I prefer Sriracha up the coast, where I live with my son Fenway and his beautiful Mom. Sriracha is a totally Thai town and I'm comfortable drinking beer with Mam and playing with my son, but Mam understands my need to see old friends and one night I received a phone call from Ed. The Hollywood real estate broker had just divorced his wife in LA and needed a guide to the go-go bars of Pattaya.

"Go see your friend. But not see any women." Mam kissed me good-night at the bus stop on Sukhumvit. Fenway eyed his father with suspicion. The two year-old had no reason to worry. My body and soul belonged to his mother.

"I'll be back early." The sun was setting in the Gulf of Siam. I'd be at the Buffalo Bar by 7. Ed couldn't be fussy after 25 years with the same woman. "Before midnight."

"Ha." Mam knew men better than me. "Come home when you want."

"Pai." Fenway waved me onto the bus. I blew him a kiss and he wiped his cheek with a smile. He was a good jokester.

The ride to Pattaya Klang took 30 minutes. The motorsai taxi was another five minutes to the Buffalo Bar. Ed was sitting with the owner, Eddy. She was my age and looked older. Jamie Parker was at his side. We all knew each other from New York in the 80s.

“Ed thought I was dead.”

“I heard more than one version of your death.” Ed and Jamie had been bad boys at Max's Kansas City.

“None close to true.” Jamie had been a good boy in Pattaya. Most of the time. He excused himself to speak with the owner. We ordered beer. The first was good the second cold. Used to Manhattan prices, Ed laughed at the bill. “The girls in here seem friendly.”

“Friendly as Fereghinis.” Thais bore no physical resemblance to most venal of Star Trek races. They were more beautiful than any woman on Melrose and twice as thin.

“I thought we were farangs.” Ed ordered two drinks for the bar girls who had appeared to massage our necks.

“It’s what they call all of us.” The word’s meaning depended on how it was said.

“Not me. I’m a farang lao.” Jamie returned to the bar.

"Only because you eat insects.” The CIA called his kind 'snake-eaters'.

“And speak a little Lao.” Jamie paid the bill and asked, “Are we taking Ed on a Black Diamond run?”

Jamie’s no-hold’s barred pilgrimage to Pattaya’s night spots included most hellholes not of the regular visitor’s radar screen.

“Let’s stay with intermediate.” Ed was no stranger to Jamie’s taste for danger.

We got on motorsai taxis and headed down to Walking Street. 8pm was early and Jamie suggested the Tiger Lounge. “It has great AC, they’ll play anything we want, and the two early girls are the best-looking on the street. If we're lucky neither has been barfined yet.”

Ed was a happy man. Both girls were in the bar. Their combined age didn't add up to that of his ex-wife.

Beer, AC, The Ramones, plus Wan and Fah stereo-massaging his back.

No man could ask for more and Ed recounted the damages of the divorce from his wife. “Malibu house gone. My firm considered me a pussy for not fighting the divorce and axed me from the board.”

“And that was bad?” Jamie’s history was nightlife and prison. He only worried about parole boards and that was a long time ago.

"From where I sit now it was a good thing.”

“And it’s only going to get better.” Jamie dragged us to Living Doll 2, where he harangued the manager about an erotic hot dog eating contest coupled with the most hot dogs you can eat contest. The manager deemed the idea a little too 'lo-so' for his clientele. Ed disagreed. “A bunch of fat guys sucking down dogs followed by go-go girls eating hot dog. Nothing could be sexier.”

“Really?” I asked, since Ed was seated with twin sisters. The skimpy bikinis revealed that some farang had their silken skin tattooed with the same craven images front to back. Thankfully none showed his name.

“Maybe I’m wrong.” Ed had supported the arts. None more than exotic dance.

“I show you wrong.” Jamie signaled for the chek-bin and we were off to Heaven Above. The white interior reminded Ed of Clockwork Orange and my old club off 7th Avenue. 1986. “The Milk Bar.”

“Except these girls are real.” Jamie had been saving the best for last. Ed rang the bell. The 49 year-old was avalanched by beauties and for the first time in a long time he was happy. An hour later he disappeared. No one had seen his departure. Jamie and I wandered the street for an hour and he dropped me at a taxi stand. The fee to Sriracha was 1000 baht or $30. I made it home at midnight. Mam and Fenway were on the couch watching Ultraman. My son sniffed at me.

"No perfume." I was ever faithful to my wife. We fought over that fact and made love once little Fenway was asleep. We held each other as if neither of us wanted to let go.

In the morning Ed called me and explained the rest of his night.

“I went back to the Tiger and barfined Wan for the week. I'm taking them to some island not so far away. I’ll call you when I get back.”

“Sure.” Koh Samet was an hour down the coast. I didn't warn him about not falling in love. He had been alone with a woman that didn't love him too long. His holiday might stretch to a week, because time goes fast when you’re having fun. I know, because I've been there too.