Saturday, August 4, 2012

WALK LIKE A WOMAN by Peter Nolan Smith


Billy Wilder’s film SOME LIKE IT HOT was a funny movie and I didn't think much about men dressing up as woman, until my next-door neighbor asked me in his basement, “Who you think is prettier? Jack Lemmon or Tony Curtis?"

“Neither.” Chuckie Manzi was posing the question in 1964 and men in dresses weren’t supposed to be pretty to twelve year-old boys on the South Shore of Boston. "I want Marilyn."

“Marilyn's dead and you wouldn't want to make love to a dead women, so if you were on a deserted island and there were only you, Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon and they were wearing dresses, who would be your wife?”

My best friend had confessed to me that he sometimes wore his youngest sister’s bra and panties. He looked nothing like Addy Manzi, but more like Tony Curtis.

“I would kill myself before marrying either of them.” The Church considered men dressing as woman an abomination, however the priests wore long black cassocks. They called them robes. We knew better and kept our distance.

Chuckie and I remained friends throughout the 1960s. Our knowledge of drag queens expanded with the Kinks’ hit song LOLA with Ray Davies singing, “She walked like a woman and talked like a man.”

“You ever see a man walked like a woman and talk like a man?” Chuckie's interests in the bizarre was more advanced than mine.

“Once at the Greyhound Bus Station.” I had been buying Levis at Walker’s Jeans on Boylston Street. “But he was obviously a man. Even had stubble like a man. And you could tell the high heels hurt his feet.”

“I tried walking in my sister’s shoes. They were murder.” Chuckie had persevered with his closet cross-dressing at home.

“I only have trouble with new sneakers.” They burned blisters on my heels.

“Oh.” Chuckie sensed that this was as far as we could go.

After high school we grew apart.

I attended a Catholic university on the outskirts of Boston. I drove taxi to pay for my apartment near campus. My last fares for the night were out of the Combat Zone; mostly go-go dancers, drunks, and a few drag queens. They were all good tipper and several of the queens exiting from The Other Side were more attractive than the strippers. Most of their fares were to hotels with straight men. Neither asked too many questions on the way to their destinations. I couldn't help singing Lou Reed’s WALK ON THE WILD SIDE after I dropped them off for a night of wicked sex in a cheap hotel.

“Candy came out from the Island, in the backroom she was everyone’s darling.”

I didn’t know what a back room.

My move to New York in 1976 taught me the meaning.

I became a punk and sexual frontiers were blurred in a city where people changed their names to suit their desires. I went to gay bars to pick up fag hags. My gay friends told these girls that I was queer. The fag hags wanted to convert me to being straight. I played hard to get, but they thought they had the cure.

One night I was at the Anvil, waiting for my friends to finish their excursion to the back room. No girls were allowed in the bar, so I was surprised when an attractive brunette sat next to me. She looked like a top fashion model in her pink tube top and hot pants, except she was skinnier than any covergirl.

A long lacquered nail touched my shoulder.

”Can you buy me a drink?”

The faux falsetto betrayed why the bouncer permitted her into the Anvil. She was not a woman, only the closest thing to a female in this bar and I ignored her request.

“Do I have to beg you?” She twirled a strand of long brown hair around her finger with a mockery of feminine guile. I almost laughed and she caught my smile.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, just thinking back to an old song.” I wouldn’t be able to get the Kinks' LOLA out of my head for days.

“Something you want to dance to. I’m a good dancer.” She wiggled her shoulders like a go-go girl. This move sold the mirage and I signaled the bartender to give my barmate a drink.

“My name’s Dove. How you like to go in the back room with me? You can do anything you want.”

“No thanks.” I knew what happened in back rooms.

“Why you think I’m unattractive?” Her lips pouted with disappointment. “I know you’re straight. That’s why I sat here.”

“I thought it was to hustle me for a drink.”

“Fresh.” She slapped my hand. “I have my own money.”

She showed me a thick roll of twenties and Dove explained how a US senator was her sugar daddy.

"Which one?"

"If I told you, he'd have to kill you."

Her story about going to the inaugural ball for Jimmy Carter was funny.

“No one thought I was a man. At least none of the men seemed to care. especially the Republicans. They like girls like me."

After an hour my friends were still buried in the Anvil’s snake pit and I settled my bill to leave.

"Where you going?"

"Home." It was a an SRO on 11th Street and 5th.

“So I guess this means you’re going home alone?”

“Sorry.”I almost kissed Dove good-night, but shook her hands instead.

“Don’t’ be sorry, one night you and I will get it together."

"Never," I answered, although Dove was prettier than most of the women in New York at that time and twice as feminine.

I’m patient. I can wait for never.” She waved good-bye and stood up to twitch a hip as a calling card for a date in neverland.

Dove was not only patient. She was persistent, despite my continual refusals to push our relationship any further than friends. I refused her at the Mudd Club, Studio 54, CBGBs, Hurrahs, Xenon, the Kiev, Dave’s Luncheonette, but she kept asking and I kept saying no.

One evening in 1980 I was at a black tie Paloma Picasso party at Danceteria on 37th Street. I was bored after the first hour and went to get my leather jacket from the coat check. A young man stumbled into me and I turned around quickly since he had stepped on my foot. The thin gay boy’s clumsiness was not from too many drinks. A brutish six-footer was shaking him by the lapels. The stitching of his tuxedo was giving way and I slashed my arm down on his aggressor’s wrists, which broke his grasp and the gay boy ran away.

“Why you do that?” The thug demanded with red eyes. He was on something. My guess was speed.

“Because I didn’t feel like being bumped into, while you beat up on a fag.” My brother was gay. My friends were fags. I didn’t like bullies.

“And what are you going to do about it?” His hands clenched into fists.

Boys from Boston didn’t back down from fights and I launched a right to his mouth. The punch seemed to stagger him, then he spit a tooth in my chest. I knew that I had a fight on my hands and not a good one. I threw lefts and rights faster than his counters, but he outweighed me and I backed up to the wall.

Luckily the security broke us up. They knew me and threw him out. Two ballerinas thought that I was hero for standing up against this gaybasher. I felt like one too and accompanied them into the street, where I waved down a taxi. My hand never reached the air, because something hard struck the base of the skull.

I fell into the gutter and pulled my arms over my head. A second punch later my ego was floated past my superego into a green emerald pulsating with lightning every second. This was not a good sign. Finally someone asked with a Jersey accent, “Have you had enough?”

"Yes." I had had enough after the first sucker punch.

The thug stood up with a chain was wrapped around his fist and strode away the victor.

I rose to my feet to survey the damage.

"Are you all right?" asked a young handsome photographer on the scene.

"I think so." My teeth were intact and my nose was unbroken.

"He would have killed you if I hadn't have pulled him off." The photographer was clearly horrified by the damage.

"I owe you one." I looked at my face in a car mirror. Blood was dripping from a dozen cuts and my skull was swollen with blossoming bruises.

For the next week I resembled a welcher on a bet to John Gotti’s gang and I plotted my revenge licking my wounds.

New York was a big city, but the night life in 1979 was a small scene. Maybe 3000 people. I would run into the thug again and carried a long stiletto for my payback.

It wasn’t long in coming.

A transvestite trapeze bar opened in Times Square called GG Barnums. Dove was part-owner backed by her secret senator. One night we were sitting at the bar. She had heard about my beating and thought I was a hero.

“Hero’s don’t get the snort beat out of them.”

“Well, you’re a hero to me and I’d love to show you how much.” The cut of her Chanel dress cut showed off Dove's Mia Farrow figure.

“Thanks, but I’m not really in a romantic mood.”

“I could change that in a second.” Her hand caressed my thigh and showed me a Pond's Cream jar packed with cocaine. It shown Bolivian pink in the bar lights. "You, me, and an ounce of blow. How can you say no."

"Not tonight." I rose off the stool.

“What wrong?”

“That guy who beat me up just walked into the bar.” I grabbed the knife in my pocket.

“I know what you’re thinking.” Dove pushed me back down and lit a cigarette. “I’ll take are of this.”

"This is something I have to do for myself."

"Trust me, it's better this way."

Dove stole through the crowded bar like a serpent seeking its prey. She puffed hard on the cigarette. The ember burned a bright red. Dove tapped the thug on the shoulder. He turned around and she stuck the cigarette in his eye. He dropped to his knees on the floor.

Dove returned to me and asked, “Will you go home with me now?”

“I don’t think I can refuse.” She was in too vicious a mood to refuse.

Nothing really happened between us. The cocaine was too strong. We kissed a little and that was it. She said that my problem was our little secret. She was good at keeping that secret.

GG Barnums lasted a half-year. The trapeze transvestite shows had a short life. Dove started dressed like a Palm Beach divorcee with nova blonde hair. She said that she was moving south.

"The Senator divorced his wife and isn't running for office next term." I wished her luck. "Thanks, but I was born lucky."

I think about Dove everytime I hear WALK ON THE WILD SIDE. Dove was everyone’s darling in the right mood and beat out Tony Curtis as choice #1 on a deserted island, but I couldn’t have foreseen that in 1964. Not even in my wet dreams.

To hear WALKL ON THE WILD SIDE please go to this URl

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnPG2fX5oUM

Gore Vidal RIP

Gore Vidal passed away at the tender age of 86. The provocative novelist wrote twenty-five novels on social and historical issues. My favorite book was 1876 about the stolen election between Samuel Tilden and the Republican Rutherford B. Hayes, which harbingered the flawed 2000 election between GW Bush and Al Gore, whom was a distant relation. In 1968 I also read MYRA BRECKENRIDGE and was bitterly disappointed to not find a trace of pornography in it. At the age of 16 I was ready for the sexual revolution, for that year was a time of turmoil with Paris aflame, RFK and Martin Luther King assassinated by gunmen, the Tet offensive, the Olympic massacre in Mexico City, and the Democratic Convention in Chicago along with various other act of repression by the right. Gore Vidal confronted his arch-adversery William Buckley during a commentary on ABC news, labeled the right-winger a crypto-Nazi to which Buckley called Vidal a 'queer'. The two were more alike than they wanted to admit and I always suspected that they might have slept together in younger years. Buckley later apologized for the insult, but said that Vidal was an advocated for bisexuality. When William Buckley died in 2008 a journalist asked Vidal for his sentiment at his enemy's passing, "I thought hell is bound to be a livelier place, as he joins forever those whom he served in life, applauding their prejudices and fanning their hatred." Never one to shy from controversy Vidal responded to Roman Polanski sexual abuse case by saying, "I really don’t give a fuck. Look, am I going to sit and weep every time a young hooker feels as though she’s been taken advantage of?" Bruce Benderson wrote of his passing; "Shut up, Gore Vidal, and rest in peace for once. I'm in awe that we've lived to see the demise of that energetic old whore, a Wife of Bath who lived as long as Methuselah and still coveted the limelight. A lousy novelist, because he refused to take second seat to his characters, as all novelists must do, and a provocative essayist, who put strategically sensationalist political commentary that he didn't really believe in at the service of his narcissism and grandiosity--to the great delight of all his readers, including me. “'Gore is a man without an unconscious,'” his friend the Italian writer Italo Calvino once said. Mr. Vidal said of himself: 'I’m exactly as I appear. There is no warm, lovable person inside. Beneath my cold exterior, once you break the ice, you find cold water.'” May you have the last laugh, you old curmudgeon, and finally get a little peace of mind. The New York Times was a little kinder to this ogre of soliptic vanity and reported that "By the time he was 25, he had already had more than 1,000 sexual encounters with both men and women" according to his memoir “Palimpsest.” Many of those were during his war service in Alaska, which was an infamous dumping ground for suspected homosexual during WWII. His longtime companion passed in 2003 and asked “Didn’t it go by awfully fast?” “Of course it had,” Mr. Vidal wrote. “We had been too happy and the gods cannot bear the happiness of mortals.” Mr. Austen was buried in Washington in a plot Mr. Vidal had purchased in Rock Creek Cemetery. The gravestone was already inscribed with their names side by side. I applaud his long life. It was worth the living. To view the Buckley-Vidal 1968 conflict in Chicago please go the the following URL; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYymnxoQnf8

Friday, August 3, 2012

1968 Olympic Moment

In 1968 I ran the 440 and 220 for my high school. My best times of 54 seconds and 28 seconds weren't even close to my hero Tommie Smith and I dreamed that one day I might get below 50 seconds in the 440 and 26 in the 220. Tommie Smith ran a blistering 200 meter race in Mexico City to break the world record with a time of 19.83 seconds. Australia's Peter Norman came in second with the USA's John Carlos winning the bronze. At the medal ceremony the three medal winners stood on the podium. At the first bars of the national anthem Tommie Smith and John Carlos raised gloved fists to protest the treatment of blacks in America and Peter Norman wore an Olympic Project for Human Rights badges to criticize White Australia. The trio left the stadium to boos and Tommie Smith said afterward, "If I win, I am American, not a black American. But if I did something bad, then they would say I am a Negro. We are black and we are proud of being black. Black America will understand what we did tonight." Tommie Smith is my hero to this day and that moment sticks in my mind as strongly as the Tank man in Beijing. Smith and Carlos were casket bearers at Norman's funeral. There were three that day and one day we will be free. The painting is by Tristam of Paris' Steaming Musselemn. He is my hero too.

You Bet I Would # 45

I used to be into blondes and I guess I could be into them again on the right occasion.

MAYBE TOMORROW - A novel by Peter Nolan Smith Chapter 6


Night life on Bleecker Street panned out after the Village Vanguard. Sean gazed out the taxi’s window at the forlorn sidewalk grilled yellow by cruel chrome streetlights. This was how New York really looked without the eyes of love.

Three weeks ago Sean had abandoned a 1974 Cadillac DeVille by a gutted pier on the Hudson, intending as on his four previous trips to catch the next Amtrak train from Penn Station, instead he had stopped for an omelet at a West Village restaurant. When he had asked for the check, the brown-eyed waitress’ unexpectedly had propositioned him to accompany her home.

“Excuse me, I don’t think I heard you right.” Only one woman on Boston had spoken so openly and Linda had walked out of his life five years ago.

"Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m an artist and you have a face I’d like to paint.” The brunette tilted her head, as if to study him for another angle.

”Oh.” He hadn’t been with a woman for months and stupidly asked, “Why?”

“Has anyone ever said that you looked like an angel under candlelight?”

Sean shook his head. No one had ever said that he looked like anyone or anything and he imagined himself to be one of a kind. With the world population at nearly

“Good, I was hoping that.” The brunette posed, as if her slender body was treasured by other men. “My name’s Cheri and my shift ends at midnight, which is only a few minutes from now.”

”I haven’t said ‘yes.” The waitress was the exact opposite of a Playboy centerfold, but so was his taste in women.

“And there’s no way that you’re going to say no.” She stuffed his bill in her pocket, signifying the dinner was on the house. “See you outside.”

Cheri vanished into the kitchen and Sean left the restaurant to stand on the sidewalk. A nearby church bell rang out the midnight hour and Sean zipped up his leather jacket against the cold. Christopher Street was swarming with men barhopping in search of other men, although most of the gay disregarded the long-haired stranger in favor of trimly bearded gays in denim jean jackets and work boots.

Five minutes passed and he peered through the restaurant’s front window.

A fat blonde was taking orders.

Sean questioned whether Cheri might have changed her mind and he debated whether to stay or catch the 1:10am train to Boston. If she didn’t show at the end of a count to a hundred, he would leave for Penn Station.

At 59 Cheri appeared from the alley, buttoning her pea coat and tugging on a beret to transforming her into a French art student.

“We can walk to my place. It’s not far.”

”Okay.”

They strolled through the maze of streets in conversation.

Cheri was studying art and came from Pennsylvania.

Sean told her about stealing cars and he recited his poem about a cowboy named Lucky. Cheri laughed at the end and pulled him up at a set of stairs to the Terminal Hotel.

“Home sweet home.”

“Here?” The hotel was in the final stages of a long descent from respectability. “I know it’s not the Plaza, but the view from my room is very Edward Hopper,” she said, entering the shabby lobby.

The clerk ignored their entrance and they took the stairs, since the elevator was broken.

”Climbing three flights a couple of times a day is good exercise.” She lifted her skirt to reveal well-formed legs.

On the third floor Cheri led him to the end of the corridor and took out a key to open the door to # 301. The small room had a bed, a night table, and a closet filled with clothing, shoes, and boxes. Paint tubes, canvases, and an easel stood between two windows.

”I know it’s not much, but it’s in Manhattan and take a look at my view.” Cheri drew back one curtain.

She hadn’t been lying about the view.

The hotel room overlooked the elevated West Side Highway, the Hudson River, and the far shore of New Jersey.

”But I didn’t ask you here for the view. Off with your clothes.”

”My clothes?”

”Yes, I want to paint you in the nude.” Cheri undressed him and examined his muscles like a medical student prepping a cadaver for an autopsy. He tried to tear off her clothing and she pushed him away, saying , “Slow down, there’s plenty of time for that after I paint you. How good are you at standing still?”

”I don’t know.” His hands were cupped over his erection, for the lust in his blood was one match away from arson.

”I guess we’ll have to find out and one more thing. Angels aren’t shy about their body.” Cheri posed him against the wall and squeezed little mounds of paint on a splattered easel. She turned to the wall with a thick pencil in her hand and ordered, “Don’t move. I’ll try and do this as fast as possible.”

"You’re doing a mural?” He remembered reading that Michaelangelo had spent years on the Sistine Chapel.

”I don’t have a spare canvas. Artists work with what’s at hand.” Cheri was already sketching his body on the buckled wall. Within a minute he recognized his body and within three his face was taking form. She was better than good.

“In my grandmother’s house there was a bedroom with a mural of a harbor in Maine. I loved sleeping in that bedroom.”

“That’s nice.” Cheri hardly lifted her head from sketching his body. Her concentration excluded any dialogue and Sean fought to keep from shifting his body, as she spread splotches of paint over the wall. Finally the oil fumes overcame him with drowsiness blind to her laying down the brushes or stripping off her clothes. He woke with his entry inside her.

She hadn’t been lying about their having plenty of time, for the next two days blurred into pornographic positions separated by his monologues on New England; the Quincy Quarries, fried clams, his best friend drowning in Lake Sebago in 1960, losing his virginity along the banks of the Presumpscot River at age 13, the Red Sox’s 6th game against the Cincinnati Reds, and seeing James Brown at Boston Garden the night of Martin Luther King’s murder.

Cheri spoke little about herself while painting and even less before, during, and after their couplings, although she said that her last boyfriend had gone mad, because he had loved her too much.

“How much was too much?”

"I don’t know, you’d have to asked Bix.”

On Sunday night Sean boarded the last car of the train to Boston. His base intuition warned that if he said a single word about his feelings, Cheri would vanish into Manhattan. Instead he asked, “Are you free next weekend? It’s Thanksgiving.”

“I work Friday and Saturday nights,” Cheri replied with an evasive hesitancy.

“That’s fine. I can wander around the Village, until you get off work.”

The train lurched into motion and Sean waved good-bye. Her sullen departure acted as no deterrent to his proposed rendezvous and he telephoned two days later to announce,“I’m moving to Manhattan.”

Her silence bridged several seconds.

“Can’t you wait a week or two?”

“I quit my teaching job.” 1984 had arrived eight years early at South Boston High School. State Troopers in the hallways, classrooms, and dining areas futilely guarded against any racial violence between the whites from Southie and the blacks from Roxbury. An intense hatred had ignited the city and Sean feared catching the plague. “If I stay here any longer, I’ll die. I’ll be there Wednesday night.”

“I’ll be waiting.” She had understood nothing could prevent his arrival and tonight she had fled before he could trapped her in New York.

There was no reason for him to stay in this city another day beyond tomorrow and he turned to Johnny. “Are we there yet?” 


“Almost.” Johnny slapped on the plastic divider. “Stop on Mulberry.”

The taxi driver braked next to a scrawny tree and his two passengers got out of the Checker. Three derelicts stood around an oily fire and Sean asked suspiciously, "Why we getting out?"

"I thought a walk would help you get a feel for the city." Johnny paid the driver and stepped onto the sidewalk.

“It looks more like purgatory.” Sean’s only heaven on Earth would be standing atop the Eiffel Tower with Cheri.

“You’ll get used to it.” Johnny secretively shifted the knife in the small of his back, as they passed a cluster of cardboard shacks sheltering shivering bodies.

“I won’t be here long enough.” Sean envied the derelicts’ sleep and toyed with walking back to the hotel. It might be haunted by Cheri, but at least the bed was warm. "You said CBGBs was close."

"And I was telling the truth. This is other end of Bleecker Street from where Bob Dylan performed in the Sixties and it wasn’t cool then and it isn’t now.”

An old man in rags lurched from a shallow doorway to verify Johnny's statement and stuck out a palm roadmapped with crevices and scars.

"Got a dime to spare an old wino?"

“Sure, Pops.” Johnny seered the lines of the old drunk’s lost past and short future. $5 shocked the red-faced alcoholic, who gasped, "God bless you, young man."

"Have a good drunk on me.”

”Only if I hurry.” The old man wobbled across the silent street into the abyss of shadows. The derelict bar on the corner of Houston and the Bowery charged twenty-five cents for a shot of bottom shelf whiskey. Its closing hours were determined by the last dollar left in the bar.

”That was a generous donation.” Sean gave bums his spare change.

"I hope someone might do the same for me, if I ever that low.” Johnny motioned for them to continue walking down the sidewalk.

"You have a long way before you hit the bottom."

"A car hits me and I'm an old man before my time." Johnny had witnessed the city’s mercilessness too many times to believe in the survival of the fittest.

“I’m lucky with cars.” Earlier this evening Sean’s destiny had scrapped bunkers with death on a Connecticut highway and he reflected on the old superstition that bad luck comes in threes. The car chase had been the first, Cheri's desertion had to be # 2 number one and meeting Johnny could well be number three. “That’s a plus for a car thief.” Johnny stopped at a wide avenue. “I’ve been here before.” Sean declared to his own surprise.

"You been to the Bowery?" No one accidentally visited on a boulevard renowned for its flophouses, drunks, and broken dreams.

"I came with my family to New York in the early Sixties.” His father had taken them to the Empire State Building, the Rockettes, a steak dinner at Tad’s, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral. “We were driving back from the Staten Island Ferry and I saw a man lying in the street and asked my father, if he was dead. He said that the man was a Bowery drunk."

“Those old boozers are tougher than an old dog's paws and so are punks.” Johnny nodded across the avenue to the leather-jacketed crowd underneath a white awning emblazoned with the letters CBGBs. The Palace Hotel next door was a close relative to the Terminal Hotel and Sean glared at his new acquaintance with a twinge of disappointment. “This is it?”

"What’s outside had nothing to do with what’s inside.” The hippie’s disapproval intensified Johnny’s impatience to rip him off and he leapt off the curb to dart through a surge of speeding cars and taxis. "Last one across the street buys the first round."

A rattling Checker bore down on Johnny and Sean braced for the soft crunch of steel into a body, except the thin blonde gracefully vaulted across the hood onto the traffic island and dodged two newspaper trucks to safely reach the opposite sidewalk. He shouted, “I’ll take a Wild Turkey.”

Johnny had challenged death twice in two seconds, but Sean’s mother had cautioned him to walk the other way from any menace to life and limb. He would still be living in the suburbs, if he had followed her instructions, so crossed the Bowery to find Johnny arguing with two men carrying guitars.

"You use the drugs, you have to pay.”

"I owe you nuttin’," sniveled a crow-haired guitarist, resembling Keith Richard, if the lead guitarist had died instead of Brian Jones.

His pointy rat boots, straight-legged black Levi's, a stained tuxedo jacket, and a skinny tie knotted loosely on the collar of a rumpled shirt were the fashionable antithesis to Sean’s Frye boots and plaid shirt. The loiterers on the sidewalk were similarly attired in leather jackets or narrow lapel jackets. Sean felt out of place and even more so after Johnny seized the zombie's guitar.

"Where’s my $50."

"Hey, I gotta be at Max's in thirty minutes." The rocker feebly wrestled for the guitar and Johnny shoved him into a pile of garbage.

"Give me the money and I’ll give you the guitar."

The onlookers hooted, as if this was a long-running sit-com, and the rocker offered shrilly, "I'll give you the fifty at Max’s."

"And wait in line with the other twenty junkies you stiffed today?” The fifty was more useful in Johnny’s pocket than the junkie’s vein. “Fifty or no guitar."

"Okay, okay." The skeletal musician unhappily forfeited a crumble of bills. "Now gimme my guitar."

"Been a pleasure doing business." Johnny released the guitar and the junkie rocker rambled up the Bowery. The thin blonde pocketed the cash and turned to Sean. “This ain’t Kansas or the Emerald City. Trusting no one's the first rule of this city and the second is always obey the first."

A taxi stopped at the curb and the back door opened for a bleached blonde in a miniskirt, ripped fishnet stockings, and gleaming black high heels straight out of fetish stroke book. Standing on the sidewalk the milk-white dominatrix sneered with crooked teeth, "You have a problem with your eyes, caveman?"

Sean stammered, "I haven't seen anyone dress like you before."

"You sayin' I'm a whore?" She flashed a rack of sharp fingernails at Sean’s face.

"Sheila, this is my country bumpkin cousin, so cut him a break." Johnny stepped between them.

"This is related to you?" The blonde’s laugh sounded like her first of the night.

"Can't you see the resemblance, Sheila?” Johnny leaned over to Sean’s face.

"I get it. You're country cousins." The blonde dominatrix blew the bewildered hippie a kiss and entered the club with a sadistic swagger. When the door shut, Sean asked, "Why she dress so slutty, if she isn’t asking me to look?"

"The girls at CBGBs wear slutty clothing, because they are whores or stripers, who might break your teeth or ask you home for a fuck. I’ll let find out for yourself which is worse.” Johnny opened the thick door and Sean's eardrums buckled under a sub-sonic boom. The last band he had heard this loud was Blue Cheer and his guide shouted, "Now hold onto your wig. No more Abba. No more Bread. No more Boz Scaggs. This is the world of tomorrow today."

The pure power on the stage drew Sean forward and a stringy-haired giant in a yellow construction helmet halted his progress with a meaty hand. "Five dollars."

Sean dropped $5 before the bearded man at a desk and beelined for the front of the club, where four men in black leather jackets, torn blue jeans, sneakers, and scraggly hair performed a blindingly fasy version of CALIFORNIA SUN.

The singer resembling a wigged mantis yelled indecipherable lyrics to the frenzied audience. Each song raced to its end in less than two minutes and Sean unconditionally joined the crowd’s bopping worship of the hard-driving quartet. When the band had exhausted the audience's energy, the longhaired gnome announced their encore, "PT boat on the way to Havana."

The heaving mob surged Sean forward and he asked a mulatto teenager with a safety pin stuck in his cheek, "What’s the name of this band?"

"The Ramones." The pimply kid rolled his eyes at Sean’s ignorance.

He had never heard of them, but judging from the number of people emulating the band's get-up, this band had existed for several years.

A minute later the Ramones finished their encore and the jukebox blared a song about Chinese Rocks. Most of the audience surged to a narrow hallway behind the stage and Sean fought his way to the bar, where Johnny handed him a long-necked Bud. He drained the bottle in three gulps and ordered a Wild Turkey from a redheaded bartender wearing a skimpy tube top. He downed the shot and called for another round.

"So how great is this place?" Johnny was pleased by the wad of bills in the hippie’s hand.

”I don’t know about the place, but the Ramones reminded me of these bands; the Remains, and the Ramrods.” Sean had always been puzzled by the Surf Nantasket bands’ failure, while Three Dog Night crammed the Top Ten with covers. “They were sort of like the Ramones.”

"I know the Rockin’ Ramrods. They had this great song about the wind." Johnny preferred MR. WIND to their modest hit BRIGHT LIT BLUE SKIES. “Punk is the bastard son of Garage Rock.”

"The Ramones play here much?" The alcohol boiled in his empty stomach.

”Ever since this band Television convinced the owner to change the format from country and bluegrass on Sunday nights. They lied about performing original Bluegrass music, but drew about fifty people paying a buck and this record producer named Marty Thau talked the owner into letting other local bands playing at the bar. Soon you had Patti Smith, the Heartbreakers, Richard Hell, the Dictators, the Shirts, dBs, and Mink DeVille. Max’s Kansas City joined the act and over in England there’s the Damned, Clash, Stranglers, and Sex Pistols. LA and Frisco are starting scenes. France has Plastic Bertrand. Course the radio won’t air punk, because the record companies force the kids to listen to shit.”

"Like Foreigner and Yes." The Ramrods had failed for the same reason. "On the way here the radio played only one real song." "I ALMOST CUT MY HAIR?" Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young were the Kingston Trio of Soft Rock.

"No, ROADRUNNER."

"The Modern Lovers?" Johnny nodded to a chubby bearded A&R man from Satellite Records. Nick Arcc was a piece of work, but was also well connected with a number of record labels. "

“I saw them play on the Cambridge Commons.”

“Who else you see?”

Sean didn’t get a chance to reply, because two teenage girls in pink polyester dresses kissed Johnny and then squealed with delight, "We loved you in THE MAN WHO FELL TO EARTH. Can we have your autograph?"

“Sure, darling.” Johnny faked an English accent and scrawled a name on a paper napkin. The two girls swooned away and he explained, "They mistook me for David Bowie and who am I to destroy the illusion? You’ve heard of David Bowie, right?”

"Sure.” Seeing Sha-na-na instead of Ziggy Stardust was a secret mothballed in the closet with other embarrassing skeletons. Only Linda knew the truth.

"So you still in a hurry to leave town?" Johnny sipped at his whiskey.

"might hang around a little longer." Sean's eyes followed the sashay of a wild-maned blonde in a rubber dress and Johnny warned, "Heel, boy, that's Dove tonight. Tomorrow morning he's Dave."

"She walks like a woman and talks like a man, Lola, La-La-La-Lola." Sean quoted the infamous Kinks song, rubbing his forehead. The graffiti-marred mural on the opposite wall was wavering into a fuzzy abstract painting and his tongue had been thickened with glue.

”Are you alright?” Johnny asked with a grin, for the two Quaaludes in the first beer were hitting home.

"I’m fine.” Sean couldn’t feel his fingers. “You know the MC5 played at my high school and so did the Stooges. I saw the New York Dolls in Cambridge. They were junkies.”

“Something wrong with that?”

“They tend to fall off the stage.” Sean wavered against the bar and Johnny asked with mock interest, "You play in a band before?"

"Me and my friends had a band." The Hung had three gigs in the summer of 1968. Their final show had ignited a riot and his subsequent arrest had terminated his rock star career. “I was the bass.”

"Really?" The hippie was filled with surprises.

"I'm as good as anyone on that stage tonight." Sean’s hands clustered into a Joe Cocker cramp over an imaginary bass and several girls in beehives giggled at the drunken hippie fingering the air bass. "Man, I'm feeling a little weird."

"You need air." Johnny steered him from the club, as giant doorman in a yellow work helmet shouted, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

“What’d you do to me?” His brain was disintegrating into cold mush and Sean staggered through the front door.

“Nothing.”

“You drugged me.” Sean reached for the lapels of the leather jacket. A sharp point punctured his index finger and he yelped in pain.

"Stay still." Johnny warned, gingerly extricating a hook from the hippie's skin.

"Damn." Sean sucked at the pinpoint puncture.

"English trick. You sew fishing hooks under your collar to prevent anyone grabbing you for a head butt.” Johnny peeled down his collar. “You should be thankful I filed off the barbs."

"Try any other secret weapons and I'll kill you." The threat sloshed out of Sean.

"Calm down, I have nothing up my sleeve.” The alley behind CBGB’s was the ideal setting to rob the hippie. Johnny started for 1st Street, but was blocked by the junkie guitarist and three New Jersey bikers, who rarely visited CBGBs in compliance with the 3rd Street Hell's Angels unwritten ban on competing gangs entering their auxiliary clubhouse.

"Where you headed, queer boy?” The biggest biker stood with clenched fists at his side.

"I haven’t the time for this crap." Johnny tried to sidestep him and the biker shoved him. "Why not, fairy boy? Got a hot date?"

“With someone a little more handsome than you.” Johnny’s hand sought his shank. Sean stepped in front of him and shouted at the bikers, "Piss off?"

"Piss off?" the smaller biker demanded in disbelief.

"You deaf or stupid?” Blank anger was clearing the fog in his head. “Or both?”

"Listen to this granola hippie." The biggest biker poked Sean’s chest, figuring his size and weight lopsided any altercation in his favor. "You should have stayed on the commune. You people______"

“You people?” Sean belonged to no group.

“Go suck yogurt.” The biker shoved Sean against the wall. Hippies were the bully's natural victim and glared at Sean, "What are you going to do, you piece of shit?"

Sean had fought the Boston Police at anti-war demonstrations. Billyclubs versus baseball bats and he responded to the biker's challenge with a left jab squarely to the nose, shattering the cartilage. The biker cupped his nostrils to stem thee bleeding. Sean followed up with a knee to the groin. The biker collapsed onto the sidewalk and Sean confronted his startled friends, “You asking for it, cause I'm dealing it out."

“We’re leaving.” The bikers lifted their fallen friend to his feet. The junkie guitarist had disappeared into the night. The fight was over for Sean, until the biker mumbled, "I'll be getting you for this."

Red Halley lived in his hometown’s dump. The Korea war veteran had boxed in the ring and fought on every street in Boston. Sean sometimes gave him money for Thunderbird. Red Hally paid back the donations with pugilistic advice and had one time said that if a man says he’s out for revenge, you might as well hit them before he gets a chance to come back and get you, so Sean buried his foot into the bigger man's stomach.

”Enough is enough.” Johnny restrained Sean from sending the biker to Bellevue Hospital. As the bikers vanished onto 2nd Street, Johnny clapped Sean’s back. “You’re more a fighter than a lover.”

"You drugged me." The hippie slapped away his hand.

“It’s just the drink,“ Johnny protested to deaf ears, for the Quaaludes toppled the hippie against a pole. He hailed a passing Checker and poured his defenseless victim in the back, telling the driver their destination. "West Street."

On the ride over to the West Village he rummaged through the unconscious hippie's pockets, twice counting the money, twice putting it back. Frustrated by his conscience’s untimely arrival, he punched Sean’s arm. “Arise and shine, flower boy.”

“Huh.”

The hippie had to improve on that response, since the conclusion of his evening depended on his answering three questions and Johnny asked, "Beatles or Rolling Stones?"

“The Stones.” The Lynn Police had stopped the 1966 Rolling Stones concert at Manning Bowl with teargas. The horde of screaming girls had scared the riot squad and the Beatles were too cute for be trouble, plus his mother loved ELEANOR RIGBY.

"Doors or Velvet Underground?"

"And it was allllllright?" Sean recalled Tammi's comment about the Doors and sang off-key.

The hippie was bound to fail the clincher and Johnny asked, "David Bowie or T-Rex?"

"Bang a gong." The dead were easier to deify than the living and Johnny sighed, "Was that a guess?”

There was no answer. Sean never heard the question, for his blank gaze was fixed on a point of no return on another planet and his head lopped forward like someone had slice his spinal cord. He wasn’t a pretty sight, but then it never is when the final destination for the night is utter oblivion.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To THe Torch

I absolutely love ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.

Everyone Know This Is Nowhere

And no one said ti better than Neil Young in his classic song EVERYONE KNOWS THIS IS NOWHERE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZSIz0GW1oM