Spoof on Soi 6

It was raining last 4th of July in Pattaya. No crowds lined Beach Road for the celebratory fireworks, the American flag was absent from the bars, and the only parade was the stalled line of cars at the beginning of Walking Street. Homesickness was running in my blood, until Nick called from Soi 6, “C’mon down here, you wankin’ Yank.”

Drinks and a burger from the Queen Victoria Pub with ogling the short-time girls were worthy replacements pyrotechnic patriotism and a backyard BBQ. Soi 6 is about 5 minutes from my house at 60 KPH. I made it in four. Nick and his mates were stationed in the Bus Stop Bar. My entrance was greeted with anti-American insults. I told them, “God fuck the Queen.”

The teabags groaned with revulsion. I ordered a gin-tonic. Nick told a short story about being stalked by a 20 year-old and then said, “You wanna play ‘Spoof’?”

“Never heard of it.”

“Great.” Nick had plenty of drinking games. Most of them consist of getting as much alcohol down his gullet as his brain can handle without his stomach revolting in dismay. “You play ‘Spoof’ with three coins. Everyone put out their hands and you have to guess how many coins are in everyone’s hands.”

“Oh.” It seemed simple enough.

“Whoever loses buys a round.”

“I lost the last time.” An Atlanta Reb declared with a red face. “We have to get our 4th of July victory.”

“Why not?” I would have stood a round for America’s birthday anyway.

There were six of us.

We held out our hands.

The count at most could be 18. The least zero.

I tried to guess what everyone was holding and failed miserably, yet managed to get knocked out thanks to a lucky guess and was rewarded with a gin-tonic.

Not too strong, because the bars on Soi 6 never pour full measures.

The girl behind the counter was cute.

Skinny too.

“Watch out.” Nick knew my taste run to thin.

“No worries.” My wallet was also thin.

Down to my last 1000 baht.

At least until after the 4th of July.

Nick called for another game. I couldn’t refuse and lost. Another gin-tonic. After thanking Nick, Simon, Roger, Reb, and the bar owner for the education, I tried calling Scoby’s for a pizza.

No answer.

This was July 4th in Pattaya.

Hungry, drunk, and going home.

Actually it wasn’t too bad, since I had learned something new by ignoring an old lesson.

Never gambled after drinking, unless you want to lose your money, especially at Spoof.

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