Eastport to Block Island

Every morning in my youth the Portland radio station broadcasted the maritime weather report by stating the sea conditions from Eastport, Maine to Block Island. This announcement covered the coast of the Northeast and two days ago the conditions off Block Island were calm seas and gentle winds. The Atlantic Ocean was at peace, however the real danger to bathers and travelers were not riptides or tsunamis, for the majority of Americans on my journey from Block Island to Boston were gorging themselves on potato chips, pseudo-water, cokes, and donuts. Over half of them were fat and a good third were verging on obese.

I'm no waif.

I lie about my weight, but I never eat that crap and when my brother-in-law offered ice cream following hot dogs I asked to see the package.

"Sorry, can't eat it."

"Why not?" ST is thinner than me. He works out religiously and abstains from drinking beer.

"It contains corn syrup."

"It's only sweetener." ST attended Harvard. He is much smarter than me and drives a Porsche 911.

"No, it's what Big Farm feeds cows and cows aren't made to eat corn. It's given them to grow big and the same happens to everyone in America." I had no car. Only trains, planes, and buses.

"There's nothing wrong with it." ST defended artificial sweeteners. He had worked as a corporate lawyer. His powers of persuasion are powerful and I lifted my hands in defeat. "I'm only one man. Big Farm has spent billions of dollars convincing America that nothing is wrong with corn syrup and the rest of the poison that the food industry puts in processed food. I don't expect anyone in America to hear the truth. Not when they only listen to the lies. Sorry, enjoy your diet coke."

"What about eating hot dogs? There is no way that they're good for you."

"True, but they taste so good." I have no problem with accepting my tendency for hypocrisy. "But never trust anyone who puts ketchup on a hot dog."

"Why?"

"Because it's just not American."

But obesity is as American as apple pie, as the obese people number more than 30% in 16 states with Mississippi leading the USA with 34.4%. Only one state, Colorado was beneath 20% and that was due to a rampant crystal meth problem.

"You are what you eat." is a phrase originating with Anthelme Brillat-Savarin in Physiologie du Gout 1826. The statement was introduced to English speakers in the 20s and was popularized by hippies in the 1960s.

There were no fat people in the 1960s.

Not from East Block to Block Island.

Not unless they were in a carnival.

Now the fat man has escaped from his cage and wants all America to join him.

It is not a disease. It is a plague.

And it's contagious.

From Eastport to Block Island and beyond.