In the 1960s the AM radio on the 4th of July weekend was dominated by the traffic fatality reports and the local radio station playing the TOP 100 hits of all-time. The Beatles seem destined to reign suprme forever. Then Led Zeppelin knocked HEY JUDE from its throne. Eternal gratitude and death to the Beatles, however there’s no way STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN should be #1.
MC5 MC5 MC5 and here’s why.
1. Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin / This song sucks big time. Led Zeppelin closed the 1969 New Port Jazz Festival. The warm-up bands were James Brown. Willie Bobo, BB King. Jeff Beck, and Johnny Winter. Woodstock was two weeks away. 30,000 hippies waited for the first chords. DAZED AND CONFUSED. A hurricane blew through our ears. It should have been enough. It wasn’t. Jimmy Page was punking out and no way their screeching whore singer could carry the crowd.
1969 was years away from STAIRWAY, yet it became an anthem, despite no one knew what it meant, although health workers in St. Petersburg thought the song had been written for elderly residents on the Gulf Coast. A local DJ celebrated STAIRWAY’s release by playing 24 hours Little Roger and the Goosebump parody on meshing the music with the words from GILLIGAN’S ISLAND’.
“Oh, listen friends and I’ll tell a tale.”
Strangely it works almost as good as the original lyrics, thus eliminating STAIRWAY from any consideration for the TOP 100.
DAZED AND CONFUSED maybe, however the real fight for first is between Chuck Berry’s MAYBELLINE and the Rolling Stone’s SATISFACTION along with KICK OUT THE JAMS by the MC5 and I WANNA BE SEDATED by the RAMONES as well as John Lennon’s IMAGINE.
This messianic hit unfortunately is eliminated due to Yoko Ono contamination.
After those giants the next song in competition is LOUIE LOUIE.
Very simple and Arnie Ginsberg WMEX’s DJ thought it was the worst song he had ever played on his turnstile. His condemnation spurred Boston youth to request it all the time. They broke it to the nation and kids everywhere danced to the Jamaican white boy riff. Especially since dirty words lurked under the garage band riffs.
No one knows the words and you can’t sing it around a campfire, unless you’ve been drinking beer.
SUMMERTIME BLUES was a call to revolution, however Eddie Cochran’s hit barely the Top 50 and SOMEONE TO LOVE is locked at 78. Hell, the Jefferson Airplane beat the shit out of HEY JUDE which ahs to be the worst song ever chosen for # 1 of this stupid list. The only rock album in my hometown library was the follow-up LP to their smash hit SURREALISTIC PILLOW.
AFTER BATHING AT BAXTER’S had zero hits.
I must have played it a million times in my parents’ basement.
“Shut off that noise.” Prompted my purchase of headphones.
Jack Cassidy’s bass line was heaven on reefer.
Remember.
It’s drugs, sex, and rock and roll.
Fuck the Beatles.
MAYBELLINE lurks in the far distant at 92.
“Maybelline why can’t you be true.”
I’m sorry.
MAYBELLINE ends up as #1.
“You keep on doing the things to ain’t supposed to do.”
Bad grammar wins every time.
Here’s the rest of the July 4th List.
1. Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
2. Johnny B. Goode – Chuck Berry
3. Like A Rolling Stone – Bob Dylan
4. Respect – Aretha Franklin
5. Satisfaction – Rolling Stones
6. Jailhouse Rock – Elvis Presley
7. A Day In The Life – Beatles
8. Bohemian Rhapsody – Queen
9. Good Vibrations – Beach Boys
10. What’d I Say – Ray Charles
11. Papa’s Got A Brand New Bag – James Brown
12. Won’t Get Fooled Again – Who
13. All Along The Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix
14. Dock Of The Bay – Otis Redding
15. Imagine – John Lennon
16. Born To Run – Bruce Springsteen
17. Layla – Derek & the Dominos
18. Light My Fire – Doors
19. I Heard It Through The Grapevine – Marvin Gaye
20. Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd
21. Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On – Jerry Lee Lewis
22. When A Man Loves A Woman – Percy Sledge
23. Hey Jude – Beatles
24. Hotel California – Eagles
25. Rock Around the Clock – Bill Haley & Comets
26. You Really Got Me – Kinks
27. American Pie – Don McLean
28. Tutti Frutti – Little Richard
29. Baba O’Riley – The Who
30. Sympathy For The Devil – Rolling Stones
31. Superstition – Stevie Wonder
32. Louie Louie – The Kingsmen
33. Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana
34. Bo Diddley – Bo Diddley
35. Yesterday – The Beatles
36. My Generation – The Who
37. Smoke On The Water – Deep Purple
38. Don’t Be Cruel – Elvis Presley
39. Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin
40. Shake, Rattle & Roll – Big Joe Turner
41. Purple Haze – Jimi Hendrix
42. Summertime Blues – Eddie Cochran
43. In The Midnight Hour – Wilson Pickett
44. Time – Pink Floyd
45. Oh Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison
46. Sunshine Of Your Love – Cream
47. Walk This Way – Aerosmith
48. Sweet Child O’ Mine – Guns N Roses
49. Whiter Shade of Pale – Procol Harum
50. What’s Goin’ On – Marvin Gaye
51. Tears in Heaven – Eric Clapton
52. Comfortably Numb – Pink Floyd
53. Bridge Over Troubled Water – Simon & Garfunkel
54. You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC
55. Good Golly, Miss Molly – Little Richard
56. Everyday People – Sly & The Family Stone
57. Roundabout – Yes
58. Bye Bye Love – The Everly Brothers
59. Born To Be Wild – Steppenwolf
60. Sixty Minute Man – The Dominoes
61. Voodoo Child (slight return) – Jimi Hendrix
62. November Rain – Guns N Roses
63. One Nation Under A Groove – Funkadelic
64. House Of The Rising Sun – Animals
65. Mr. Tambourine Man – Byrds
66. Let’s Go Crazy – Prince
67. Please, Please, Please – James Brown
68. Thunder Road – Bruce Springsteen
69. Somebody To Love – Jefferson Airplane
70. Dust In The Wind – Kansas
71. Slow Ride – Foghat
72. Crossroads – Cream
73. Blue Suede Shoes – Carl Perkins
74. With Or Without You – U2
75. More Than A Feeling – Boston
76. We Will Rock You – Queen
77. Go Your Own Way – Fleetwood Mac
78. 21st Century Schizoid Man – King Crimson
79. Mystery Train – Elvis Presley
80. Suite: Judy Blue Eyes – CSN
81. Show Me The Way – Peter Frampton
82. Where Did Our Love Go – Supremes
83. My My Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) – Neil Young
84. Money – Pink Floyd
85. Ziggy Stardust – David Bowie
86. Master of Puppets – Metallica
87. Stand! – Sly & The Family Stone
88. Sultans Of Swing – Dire Straits
89. That’ll Be The Day – Buddy Holly & The Crickets
90. Dream On – Aerosmith
91. Maybellene – Chuck Berry
92. Every Breath You Take – Police
93. Jesus Christ Pose – Soundgarden
94. For What It’s Worth – Buffalo Springfield
95. All Day And All Of The Night – Kinks
96. Tom Sawyer – Rush
97. Tangled Up In Blue – Bob Dylan
98. Hound Dog – Elvis Presley
99. Kashmir – Led Zeppelin
100. All Right Now – Free
So what about the MC5?
They played at my high school dance in 1969. We had won their appearance by selling the most chocolate cookies for the diocese. The brothers asked them to trim ‘fuck’ out of their hit song. They agreed to this censorship and it was a lie.
“Kick out the jams motherfuckers.”
Lets see Lady Gaga sing that or BLITZRIEG BOP
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