Monday, July 11, 2011

The Ferocity of the Fat Front


Obesity is a human condition in which what a person eats can kill them. The threats are heart disease, type 2 diabetes, the failure to breathe, cancer, and osteoarthritis according to Wikipedia. Obesity is determined by Body Mass Index or BMI = kilograms in weight divided by your height in meters squared.

18.5 is considered underweight
18.5–24.9 is normal weight
25.0–29.9 qualifies as overweight

Any BMI breaking 30.0 is considered obese.

At 93 kilos and 1.80 meters tall I fit into the upper echelon of overweight. Not bad at all after a week's vacation of lobster dinners, swordfish, tuna, oysters, beer, wine, hamburgers, and hot dogs.

Last night I walked into Frank's Lounge and the rattlesnake-thin bartender Tim commented, "Pete, you been putting on some weight?"

"Good eye." I smiled thinking that the last thing a bartender is supposed to say is how bad you look. "I'll have a Stella with ice."

Only one and I was out the door.

It was time for regain my girlish figure. New York was due for a heat wave. Some of my bloat could be attributed to beer bloat. Sweating was healthy. That night I shut off the Dallek portable AC and soaked my bed like I was spitting from every pore.

In the morning I checked my profile in the mirror.

Not bad and I tried on a pair of 36 waist jeans.

No problem. I had to fight the monster of obesity, however the Fat Front was actively combating any strategy to slimize America and this week the fast food chains, Big Farm, and their media flacks launched an attack against the First Lady's program to create a new concept of nutrition for the young of this country.

Michele Obama's effort is strictly triage. The fat adults are lost to the Beast. Their love of potato chips and ice cream exclude any hope of rescue, but the same way the crack epidemic died after the high attrition rates of murder and incarceration, these mor-obs or morbidly obese Americans will extinct themselves with their eating binges, creating salvation for the young.

Big Farm sees the future and their executives recognize their existence depends on new recruits. Sugar-coated cereal is the first dose of crack food for kids. Saturday morning cartoons are financed by Big Farm. Mickey Ds and Lucky Charms drenched in Coca-Cola are slung like Casper the ghost crack to eager devotees to Fat and this week the powers of obesity hired a former Obama White House communications director to front their junk food assault on the young.

The Sensible Food Policy Coalition includes General Mills, Kellogg, PepsiCo, and Time Warner. They are buying support with millions of dollars to congressmen and TV. The US Chamber of Commerce and Viacom are also members of this cabal to fat up America's young.

The former White House comm-ad is fat. She had to defend her kind. Without more fat people her race will die, because they are incapable of sustaining their numbers by procreation. Big Food is the enemy. I know. At 29 BMI I am on the edge and I'm praying to a record heat wave.

No more lobster rolls.

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