Sunday, June 30, 2024

Bingin Bali Always Overhead

Bingin Beach The Indian Ocean

1994
Me from Sumatra
Richie Boy from Manhattan
To surf Bali
Bingin Beach
Eternal overhead left
Bigger than big
The water ankle deep o'er the reef.
RW next to me
A big wave coming
I
Pearl sliding down the face
Into the turmoil of a close-out.
Surface
The swell thickened and monsterifized
Double over head.
I paddle for life
Make two shoulders
I almost reach the third's lip
Then
Backward o'er the falls
Buried by under a bone crusher.
Ten seconds in the washer
Twenty sensing up
Or down.
Thirty seconds more and no more struggle.
I pull on my lease
Miraculously haul myself to the surface
Richie looks worried
With good reason.
Buried again

In the tumbler again
Breathing ocean.
Near death again.
Spit to the surface
Close to shore
Sand under my feet.
Collapse on dry beach
Dripping sea from my nose
Puking water from my lungs.

I turn to the waves.

RW shouts my name
Maddog
I had been more dead than alive
I ain't no more
I'm at Bingin Beach
With Richie Boy Always left overhead
Always

Friday, June 28, 2024

I See Seagulls


Sea gulls
I see seagulls
Seagulls o'er the sea
Gliding on the updraft
O'er the Montauk bluff

Tuesday, June 25, 2024

February 13, 1990 - Los Angeles - 1990

Another sunny day in LA the different Paradise coming tomorrow I pack my bags with my heavy winter clothing mail it off to Paris. At the saying goodbye to Cindy to LAX evening flight to Honolulu. From here on end go backward glances are allowed go only in the direction the Setting Sun.

My stay in LA I basically spoke with or saw everyone who I intended to contact although I wish Lisa Johnson or Ann Borchette were here, but both of them have vanished from my life without a foreign address or. telephone. I haven't seen either in over a decade. Those years must have touched them as they have touched me.

Yesterday Alice return my phone call have her sitcom and I said, " I saw you on TV the other night. You're pretty funny. Actually you were very good. But you always had a good hand at comedy."

"Which show was it?"

"I only kept it on long enough to see you, then I switched to a National Geographic special." I actually turned in the commercials came on. I hate the ads on the big channels NBC CBS ABC. There was nothing on them I wanted to buy.

Alice is breaking it big on TV. THe second lead in a sit-co. Her true Talent is the theater and her one woman shows. I don't understand 2001 and I MacArthur prize. She's a big hit in the Avant Garde in gay scenes, but even my mother has seen her on TV.

Television is sell out, like Holden Caufield in the catcher in the Rye saying that is older brother the Hollywood to be a w**** writing screenplays. I only wish I could sell out somehow, but no one wants to read my journals not even me.

No commercial value. No sellout. And I have plenty of no commercial value. Alice was always more ambitious than me then again who isn't. She always has been funny and on TV she didn't look different from 10 years ago hello I couldn't see cat scratch on her cheek I love her breasts Andy remark before I left New York," where her breasts always that big?"

"To tell you the truth I can't remember." I thought they were smaller.

We took a drive earlier in the week to see a side of Charles Manson murder. Something told me it wasn't the first time to the house the LA Bianca murders. She's wearing a dark suit sunglasses very androgynous. I don't understand the fascination with murder scenes some women have. Must be because they expect to be a victim sometime from some crazy male who wants to kill all women.

There is no sexual tension between us. Last year she showed up at Kathy Underhill and my birthday party happy Elms upstate. Until that day I had been the enemy of this all women Hood friendship with Kathy reprieve.

During that visit Alice didnt speak about much how's Susan Rowe I just asked her for 3,500 to pay for her rent. Her and her husband for 2 months late on their place in LA. They like many people who weren't from New York to seek a New Life without having a job in hand.

I detested her friend back in New York and I still don't like her I told Alice," the tough call will you give the money or not, but don't let her bully you with guilt. Especially if you don't want to pay the money I should have it to give."

"It's not the money. It's just that I'm constantly bailing her out," Alice replied and laughed a joke her friends dilemma and how they have sort of a blanche dubois- Morticia Addams relationship every Neurosis shared by the two is stepped on constantly. I let us speak without interruption and she batted the pros and cons of giving her the money until she finally reached a moment of silence and I asked," would you really be hurt if your friendship didn't exist?"

Like our love no longer existed, except as memories.

Not really she answered without much thought however the guilt of letting a friend go to hell not her face. I wanted to explain about how Bridget York bully me in Paris but it was too long a story and I just listen casted my vote with her father and boyfriend give the money.

Later when I got to Scotty's he told me how much a player in the sitcom gets per episode at least $30,000 per show. Dallas has to be getting at least six figures a year to sell out to TV.

I almost called right thing but I never got to the telephone.

I've lost my purple jersey which maybe I Hunter Paris and I can't so another day ends find my driver's license. Somehow my mother had a copy and she's going to afford to me in Bali.

Saturday, June 22, 2024

Rolling Stones - Barcelona - June, 13 1990

June 13 1990

Fresh off a Bangkok-Paris flight of my cicumnavigation of the world, I was staying down in Perpignan. My friends Sara Silver and Olivier Brial had scored tickets to the Stones Urban Jungle show in Barcelona's Olympic Stadium through her work connection at Sony. We were three, but had twenty tix in total. Olivier and I optimistically figured that we'd get $100 a ticket. We sold zero. The venue sat 90,000. It was not a sell-out and we couldn't give them away, but the show as always was great. Paint it black you devils.

Rolling Stones concert 1990

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWCYZtX-Bvs

The Longest Day Of The Year - Stonehenge - 2014

37,000 people gathered at Stonehenge to celebrate the dawn of the longest day of the year. Police arrested a number of people for reefer, which the BBC referred to as 'drugs'. I stood on my roof at dusk.

Naked to the sun.

No one else joined me, which is a good thing.

Getting arrested for public indecency would be a horrible way to end Litha, the pagan day of the sun standing still.

Bain sult as or enjoy in Gaelic.

Friday, June 21, 2024

Foamhenge

Stonehenge in Wilshire England has existed as a solar calendar for over 10,000 years. The current stone structures were erected around 5000 years ago. Access to the monoliths was restricted by the English Heritage Commission in 1977, although I can recall visiting the epic steles with a British friend in the 1990s.

Few tourists were on the site. AJ and I looked at each other and shrugged wordlessly that laws were for other people. We wandered amongst the squat stones and no one said anything about our incursion. Times were different in the last century, however the same laws against approaching Stonehenge is in place for its replica Foamhenge in Virginia.

Foamhenge has been a full-sized replica drawing thousands of visitors to Natural Bridge, VA according to Wikipedia.

Sadly the foam hasn't weathered as well as the neolithic monuments of Europe and some of the foam monuments have cracked in half.

Others must be supported by wooden supports once more proving that we can't build them like they used to.don't build them like they used to and to this day scientists can not figure out how Neolithic people constructed Stonehenge without modern technology. The answer is easy. They used Magic.

Stonehenge in Bangkok

New Englanders are relatively starved of archaeological ruins other than frost-heaved stone walls from vanished farms snaking through the woods or the smooth walls of the Quincy Quarries. Not one of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World was on our side of the Atlantic nor from Africa or the Far East graced list either thanks to the Eurocentricity of the 19th Century's tomb raiders.

My seven wonders of the world are the Potala in Lhasa, the funereal Ghats of Varanasi, the Brooklyn Bridge, the Sanctuary of Truth in Pattaya, the Chartes Cathedral, the moon-lit combs atop Tikal's pyramids in Guatemala, and Sophie's Bar in Phnom Penh.

Antiquity and size are not prerequisites for my wonders, however Stonehenge certainly qualifies since archaeologists have uncovered a vast network of Neolithic villages on Salisbury Plain in England suggesting that the earthworks were part of a much larger religious complex.

British authorities have roped off the stone circle from the public.

Previously you could drive up to them in the middle of the night to party with drunken lager louts around a fire. Football fans probably attempted a form of cow tipping with the 4000 year-old monoliths, forcing the squares to ban any contact with the great Circle.

Bangkok has its own Stonehenge in the Hopewell Project.

The government spent billions of baht for a commuter rail system.

Not one length of rail was laid on the concrete pillars.

Hundreds of years from now future inhabitants of the world will wonder about the Hopewell Project's purpose.

Same as anyone driving past them today.

Was it a road to nowhere or Thailand's attempt to rival Stonehenge.

I've been to Stonehenge once.

With my friend AJ on a Neolithic tour of the Salisbury Plain.

Avesbury Circle, Stonehenge, and then the Silbury Mound.

Archaeologists have argued over whether the Druids, ETs, the devil, Merlin, or drunks with time on their hands built the massive monuments. As a descendant of Celtic blood I prefer the Druid theory.

On my visit I intended to strip naked in the circles, however both the Avesbury and Stonehenge were swarmed by tourists.

The Silbury Hill rises rises over the treeless plain. No one else was on the mound. AJ and I climbed 130 feet to the top, where my friend explained the hill had been built by thousands of workers over scores of years in different periods dating back over 4000 years.

It was older than Stonehenge, although not as old as than me even on mornings after I've drunk a lot.

The day was sunny.

AJ and I stripped naked.

We vowed not to believe in gods.

Neither of us avoided looking at the other's body, because straight men shouldn't be naked together within arm's length.

We faced the four points of the compass.

AJ had a bigger belly than me.

He glanced below my waist.

I turned to the north without a comment.

I have no problem with betting naked with gay men. They have no interest in my body. My penis is never big in public, which is why Michelangelo's DAVID should also be a Wonder of the World.

Firstly no one talks about the nudity or that the giant statue's penis is as as small as mine after a cold bath.

And there's no chance I'll get naked at the Hopewell ruins, so I'll have to wait another 4000 years until they deserve such an expose. Thankfully by that time I will be dust in the wind and any thoughts about naked men atop the Silbury Hill will be forgotten too.

sic transit gloria.

Wednesday, June 19, 2024

Juneteenth 1900 Texas

The above photo was taken in Texas thirty-five years after the morning of June 19, 1865, when Union Major General Gordon Granger arrived on the island of Galveston to take command of the more than 2,000 federal troops recently landed in the department of Texas to enforce the emancipation of its enslaved population and oversee Reconstruction, nullifying all laws passed within Texas during the war by Confederate lawmakers. The order informed all Texans that, in accordance with a Proclamation from the Executive of the United States, all enslaved people were free, although not in the border states until later.

Still free, but the fight for equality is not over by a long shot.

Happy ‘tenth.

Information from Wikipedia.

Trans Europe Express 1980s Paris Bruxelles

1985
Paris
The Trans Europe Express
Out of Gare du Nord
Two hours plus
To Bruxelles
Christine et moi
A Bruxelles.
To record a 45
‘Take Me Higher’.
Train leaves the station
Northbound
Paris left behind
Clackety-clack
Picking up speed
Only clack-clack-clack
Through Ile-de-France.
Early morning
Gray sky
Comme toujours
Petite dejeuner
In the dining car.
White table cloth
Silver service
Maybe a glass of wine.
Picardy
Flat fields forever.
Clack clack clack
Back in our seats
Christine asleep
Last night drinks
A Le Privilege
Clack clack clack
Wallonia
Out the window
Gray sky
Rain
Rows of plowed dirt to the horizon
Thinking of Jaques Brel
Le plat pays qui est a mienne.
Clack clack clack.
Christine still asleep
Maybe dreaming
I cover her with a SCNF blanket
Le Trans Europe Express
Le Classe of Old Europe.
Clack clack clack
The main station of Brussels-Midi
Less than an hour away
Clack clack clack
Sixty years ago.
A horrible war was fought here
Millions died on this soil.
The War To End All Wars.
Nothing but farmland today
Clack Clack clack.
Thinking of Jacques Brel
"The flat country that is mine."
Clack clack clack
And Brussels
Chocolate, beer, a deeper gray than Paris
Soon to come.
Tonight
In a studio
Christine at the Mike ‘
Take Me Higher.
Clack Clack Clack
Trans Europe Express.

of course who can't forget TRANS EUROPE EXPRESS by Kraftwerk.

Monday, June 17, 2024

Bruins June 17, 2012 - The Cup

Twelve years ago

June 17, 2012

That morning I was at work on 47th Street and my coworker at the diamond exchange said there was a big crowd before the NHL store.

I realized that the Bruins might have come to show off the Stanley Cup. My boss Manny asked where I was going. "Personal business."

Sure enough inside the 6th Avenue store Bergeron, Chara, and Tim Thomas stood on an interior balcony. Bruins fans were ecstatic. The trio descended to leave and as Chara passed I asked if I could touch the Cup.

"Touch it. You can hold it."

He handed the trophy to me and I kissed it. Tears of an eighteen year old remembering #4's goal against the Blues.

Tears of joy.

Sunday, June 16, 2024

THROWING LIKE A GIRL by Peter Nolan Smith


My introduction to baseball came in the early spring of 1958. My father dragged me away from our Zenith black-and-white. Our favorite show, THE THREE STOOGES, was on the TV. Even a six-year old boy knew better than to resist a man his size.

"Too nice a day to waste in front of the boob tube." My father hated TV's grasp on his children. He came from the age of radio. I followed him out of the house into the backyard. A line of trees struggled to sprout leaves after a long Maine winter, but at the end of the street the sun sparkled off the million mirrors scattered across the harbor separating Falmouth Foresides from Portland. April would soon be May.

My father handed me a brand new baseball glove. I needed his help putting the enormous mitt onto my elfin left hand. My older brother stood on withered grass twenty feet away. His left hand buried in another new leather glove. A Red Sox cap shaded his face. He clutched a baseball in his right hand.

"Time for you two to play America's Pastime." My father had served with the Army Air Force in World War II and fought the Great Maine Fire of 1949. Standing close to me he demonstrated the proper stance for a right-handed batter. "Legs apart with your body square to the plate and your eyes on the mound.

"Yes, sir." I had watched a few games on TV and thrown the baseball with my older brother. I knew that Ted Williams number was 9, but my mind was better suited to Hide and Seek. No one could find my secret places.

"Okay, let's play some ball."

My father crouched behind the piece of wood serving as the plate and told my brother to throw a strike. The seven year-old looked over to my mother in the breezeway. She nodded her approval and he chucked the ball with every ounce of his skinny body's strength. His lucky first pitch thudded into my father's glove. The bat never left my shoulder. I had been too scared that the ball was going to hit me.

"You're supposed to swing at the ball." He stood up and acted out the motion of batting with an imaginary bat. The 38 year-old Maine native had the same athletic build as the baseball players on TV. He resumed his position and smacked his fist into the glove. "Give it another try.

I obeyed his command and swung at the next pitch with closed eyes. Something struck the bat and my hands tingled with shock of the accidental meeting of two objects. The ball floated into our new neighbors' backyard.

The eleven year-old girl with short red hair fielded the ball on one bounce and winged it to my father with teenage accuracy. His clean-shaven face grimaced from the impact in his glove. My father was an electrical engineer and he tried to analyze the source of her strength. The girl was mostly bones.

"That's some arm."

"My father wanted a boy, so here I am." The freckled redhead was a classic Tom Boy and I fell in love the second she taught me how to grip the ball with my fingers.

We spent the rest of the morning throwing the ball with the lanky girl, whose name was Charlene. My father stopped to pick up my errant throw. There had been many.

Her mother came out to introduce herself. The slender blonde worked as a nurse for Maine Medical and her husband captained an oil freighter out of Bath. They were from Bar Harbor.

"That's some baseball player you have." My father nodded at Charlene.

She cut the air with the swing of the bat.

"Her father played semi-pro. I told him to quit and get a real job or else we were through." Charlene's mother had a nice smile. Her teeth were perfect. "I suppose having a tomboy is his revenge, but baseball is a love they share."

My mother invited her inside for tea and a chat. My sisters sat on the porch. My best friend, Chaney, rounded the corner of the house. One look at Charlene and he ran back home for his glove. Some older boys appeared to mock our playing with a girl. One was our school bully, Skeeter Kressee. My father challenged them to a game.

Five on five with my father the umpire. Charlene knocked in all our runs. It was my first win in a game. Most boys in America worshipped Mickey Mantle, but Charlene was my baseball goddess.

Every day after school my older brother, my best friend, Chaney, and Charlene practiced baseball. By the end of May my brother and Chaney could toss a baseball over the peaked roof of our two-story house. I had broken my sisters' bedroom window on my last attempt. Charlene took the time to teach me the mechanics of throwing. Her father must been a great instructor, because after an hour my toss cleared the peak of the roof by ten feet.

Throughout that spring three other neighborhood boys joined our team and we played 7-on 7 pick-up games in the dirt lot next to Route 1. Charlene was our ringer. We routed the boys our age. Our winning streak continued against 3rd and 4th graders. My father would coach us on the weekend. A bunch of 5th graders came close to beating us in early June. Charlene smacked a flat pitch so hard that the ball cleared the state highway. We called ourselves the Red Sox and there were no Yankees in our town to challenge our team.

We were six boys and one girl.

One afternoon Chaney, my older brother, and I came home from Pinewood School to find Charlene sobbing on the front steps. Her Wilson glove and bat lay on the ground. My younger sisters' crying jags were over lost dolls and our teasing. Charlene's tears came from a greater disappointment. We stood on the lawn and watched her for a minute without saying a word. Her sorrow was that deep.

"What's wrong?" I asked and my older brother elbowed my ribs.

"Leave her alone."

"Did someone bother you?" I looked up the street. Skeeter Kressee was tormenting a neighbor's cat. I picked up the bat.

"It's not Skeeter." Charlene wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt. "I went to try out for Little League and the coaches told me to go home and bake a cake."

"They would have never told Frank Malzone that." Chaney barked with boyish anger.

"Frank Malzone is a man." My brother idolized the Red Sox 3rd baseman.

"And Charlene is the best player in our town." My favorite Red Sox was Pete Runnel. I had traded two Frank Malzone baseball card for one of his. "Did you get a try-out?"

"No, they said girls should play with dolls not with balls." Charlene walked away from our house without her baseball and glove. "You can keep those. I won't be needing them anymore."

We had a game that afternoon. The 3rd graders beat us 15-0. We were too young to play anyone without Charlene.

That night at the dinner table I told my father about Charlene not being allowed to play Little League. My mother frowned at the information.

"You can't always get what you want." She had given up a singing career to raise five children. The strength of her voice had stopped the Portland Cathedral choir in mid-chorus of AVE MARIA. She understood sacrifice.

"She's a very good baseball player. Better than I was at that age." My father appreciated talent. He watched THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW every Sunday night. "They should let her try out."

"Boys and men don't like playing with girls or women." My mother served my father another portion of roast beef. "Mostly because they're scared of losing."

"You may be right." My father cut into the meat. He loved my mother's cooking. "But she deserves a try-out and I'm going to get her one."

"Good luck." My mother was sincere in her wishes and stood up to clear the plates from the table. The boundaries between male and female had been carved in stone for centuries.

"Thanks." My father winked at my older brother and me like he had a magic lamp in his back pocket. "I can't promise it will happen, so don't say anything to Charlene or your friends. You can keep a secret, right?"

"Yes, sir," My brother and I answered in unison. We were good sons and did as we were told 99% of the time.

"Because telling a secret means it won't happen."

"Just like telling someone your wish after snapping a wishbone." My older brother nodded with understanding. He and I fought for wishes with dried chicken bones. He had won each and every time and I believed that his wish was to always break off the wish part of the wishbone. We bought our empty plates to the kitchen sink and went upstairs to our room. Our lights went out at 9. I listened to the Red Sox game on the radio powered by an alligator clip attached to the steel of my bed. The rocket-shaped radio was made in Japan.

Chaney once told me that the Japs played baseball.

My uncle said the same thing and he had been in Japan after the war.

I fell asleep before the game's end. The home team was playing the Yankees. The Bronx Bombers never lost to us.

The next few days were typical for the coast of Maine. Rain, cold, and windy. Our baseball gloves remained on their hooks. We didn't see Charlene once during that time. She went to school and came back home before us. Twice I went over to her house. No one answered my knock on the door.

Friday night my father came into the house.

"You didn't say anything to Charlene about the try-out?"

"No." I didn't like the sound of this questioning.

"To your friends?"

"No." I searched my mind for something that I might have done wrong.

"Your teachers?"

"No."

"C'mon, we're going to talk with Charlene."

I grabbed Charlene's baseball glove and bat.

The three of us crossed the backyard. He rang the doorbell and Charlene's mother opened the door.

"Can I help you?" She was wearing curlers.

"I'd like to speak with Charlene. It's about baseball. I tried to get her a try-out, but everyone said that she couldn't"

"She already knows that." Charlene's wife lit a cigarette and offered my father one. "She's giving up on baseball. Talking to her won't change her mind. This is a man's world. She knows that now. So there's nothing to talk about. Thanks for coming over, but that's the way it is and she'll have to live with it."

"But___" I looked up the stairs, hoping to see Charlene.

"No buts." My father lit the cigarettes with a Zippo lighter. Charlene's mom leaned closer to him. They inhaled at the same time. "Charlene has made her decision and so has the Little League. It isn't right, but like her mother said, "That's the way it is." Thanks for your time."

"Thanks for your effort." Charlene's mother smiled at my father. They nodded, as if they were allies in a greater fight.

"What about her glove and bat?" I was sure that I could convince Charlene to play with us. I just needed the chance.

"Leave them with me." Her mother took them out of my hands. "Her father can decide what to do with them when he gets back home."

"Have a good weekend." We returned to our house and shut the door. My mother and father spoke in the dining room alone. They were having an adult conversation. Nothing else was ever said about Charlene's playing baseball. My parents became good friends with her mother and father. The two couples went out together. My mother always said that they had a good time.

I saw Charlene later that summer. Her hair was longer and she was wearing a dress. I tried to speak with her, but she ignored my attempts. She was almost 10 and I was definitely 6.

Two years later we moved from Maine to Boston. My older brother and I were on the same team in the town league. I told the other kids about Charlene. One of the boys laughed at my story.

"Girls can't throw a ball."

"Can too."

"Can not."

I punched him in the nose and he cried to the coach. I got in trouble. It didn't matter too much to me. I was no good at baseball, but some of her skill wore off on me. Opposing players would shout from the bench.

"You throw like a girl."

I ignored the insults.

My throws reached the plate fast and hard same as Charlene, because that girl knew how to throw.

Saturday, June 15, 2024

BACKWARDS ON ICE by Peter Nolan Smith

Back in 2014 the Bruins overcame a horrible 1st period to tie the Blackhawks and force another sudden death overtime. This time the flow of time was in the Bruins' favor and Paille scored the game winner. Game 3 will be in Boston.

I love hockey.

Several years ago I beat my cousin Oil Can on his $15,000 table hockey game at his house on the North Shore.

4-3 with a stomping on decider.

"I'd like to see you do that on ice." Oil Can wasn't a sore loser, but he had lost four games at home. His son was disappointed since Harrison had been working hard to be the first person to beat his father.

"I'd be lucky to score a goal." I was useless on skates.

"It'd be a four-game sweep with each one a shut-out." Oil Can wasn't bragging about his prowess with a hockey stick. He had started for our high school as a freshman. Harrison was playing basketball.

"Your hockey team went 0-17 my senior year." 1970 was forty years ago.

"And the next year we reached the playoffs." His team had challenged the hockey hierarchy through 1971 to 1973.

"You were a good squad." I had seen them beat BC High at Boston Arena. Our home rink was Rindge Arena off 128.

"We could go play a one-on-one right now on Route 1. I've got all the equipment." He had starred in his high school re-uniuon game the previous winter. He was even better in baseball.

"Not a chance." I was intent on enjoying my victory at table hockey. "I can't skate backwards."

"What was that about?"

"My father brought us down to the pond up in Maine." My father was from Westbrook. Boys were expected to skate six months after they learned to walk. There was a pond overlooking Portland Harbor. The smell of bread from the Nissen Bakery mixed with the smell of the sea. "He told us he was going to teaching us how to skate backwards. My brother was 5 and I was 4."

"A good age to learn."

"We had walked down the street with skates over our shoulders. Mine were CCM." Skating backwards would help me play for the Bruins in the future. They never beat the Canadians. I was going to be a star, since I could skate forward faster than anyone in our neighborhood, except for Charleen Davis, but she was a girl and girls didn't play hockey. "The ice was clean and my father showed us how to position our feet. My brother and I got on the ice. We should like him. He pushed off and tripped over a crack. His head smacked the ice and he stood up with a smile."

"Your father was a good skater." Oil Can had lived up the street from our teaberry ranch house on the South Shore of Boston.

"Yeah, but blood was flowing down his face. He had cut his head and the smile was from a concussion. He had broken his leg skiing the year before and I thought that he would have to wear a cast on his head." He told me that he wasn't hurt and I believed him." I loved that man.

"Ice is hard, but not that hard."

"After that I never wanted to skate backwards." My father gave up on teaching us how to skate backwards.

"So no game today?" Oil Can wanted to show his son that he wasn't a loser. Harrison loved him either way.

"Not a chance, but I'll play another game to seven on the table hockey." I was happy to give him a second shot at shining for Harrison. I have a son and Fenway loved his father too.

"You're on." Oil Can popped open to beers and we clinked bottles. "Here's to our fathers."

Harrison toasted us with Coke. He was 11 and one day soon he would beat his father at his own game. It was only a matter of time.

ps I took Oil Can in the second series 4-2, because in table hockey I didn't have to skate backwards.

GO BRUINS.

Wind River Mountains 1998

Wind River Mountains 1998

In the Spring of 1998 my seventy-eight year-old father and I flew to west for a ten-day road trip through Wyoming and Montana. After a five-hour from Boston we arrived in Bozeman a little past noon. We picked up a rented car outside the terminal and drove an hour south through the Paradise Valley to spend the first night at the historic Chico Hot Springs. That evening we dined in the old hunting lodge. Free range ribeyes and a bold Bourgogne. It had been a long day for my father, but due to the two hour difference between Boston and Montana, he was happy to catch WHEEL OF FORTUNE. I went to the bar in my swimming trunks, drank two gin-tonics, and then went for a hot soak in the outside pool, gazing at the infinite cosmos over the mountains. I was in bed by 9 and fell asleep reading LEWIS AND CLARK and dreamed of a wilderness from coast to coast. tim, he went to bed in The next morning the two of us continued down Paradise Valley to Yellowstone Park.

Buffalos grazed on the new grasses of the Paradise Valley the low valleys and my old man marveled at Old Faithful's punctuality. He had never been to this part of the West.

"I wish your mother was with us." She had passed away from previous year.

"Me too." My mother loved to travel and before her death she had asked me to be her eyes on the world.

We spent the night near Inspiration Point and headed south in the morning.

Snow tipped the jagged high peaks of the Grand Tetons, but my father didn't talk much of the long stretches between towns. His thought rested on his dear Angie.

When I was behind the wheel, we listened to the country-western stations. My father switched to his classical CDs during his driving shifts. Sometimes he cried during the opera arias. My mother had a great singing voice.

On the fourth night we stopped Pinedale in Wyoming. The mountains to the south were painted pink by the setting sun and the clear evening sky shone with the cosmos. My father marveled at the remote beauty and I told him, "Back in the 1830s mountain men hunted beaver in that wilderness."

"Doesn't look like it's changed much since then." My father had fought Maine's Great Fire in 1947.

He knew his woods.

"Probably not."

There was only one way to find out and during our steak dinner at the hotel restaurant I pored over a map of the Wind River Mountains and plotted out a day's hike across the range from south to north.

"What are you thinking?"

"That tomorrow I might take a walk." I pointed to a trail crossing the mountains. "I calculate the distance to be about fifteen miles."

"Distances in the mountains are different from distance on the road," my father cautioned with the wisdom of a Boy Scout leader.

"I should be able to cover that distance in ten hours walking two miles an hour. You drop me at the southern trailhead and pick me up at the northern end." I was in good shape for a man my age.

"These aren't the White Mountains."

"I know."

Back in the early 1960s our family had climbed Mount Monadnock, whose summit was a little over 3000 feet.

The Wind River Mountains' highest peaks towered above 12,000 feet.

"That hike could end up being a long fifteen miles." My father didn't walk anywhere. At Yellowstone

I had to drag him to view Old Faithful's eruption of steam. "And you're not as young as you think you are."

"None of us are, but Mom asked me to be her eyes on the world and I know she would like to see those mountains."

"She would be just as happy with a postcard." My father liked playing it safe, but he was only in condition to talk me out of attempting this hike and not accompanying me.

"My eyes are to see for her."

"If you say so." My father regarded my life a reckless journey. He wasn't too wrong, but I finished my wine and refilled the glass with water. I didn't need a hangover for tomorrow's trek with the trail cresting two 9,000-foot passes. "I don't like you doing this on your own."

"I'll be careful." Only two years earlier I had hiked in the Himalayas.

"It's your funeral, so please don't take any shortcuts. That's how people get lost."

"Yes, sir."

The next morning we woke at dawn and ate quick breakfast.

"Looks like clear skies," I said getting into the car.

"The weather down here isn't the weather in the mountains." He gazed at the peaks.

"There isn't a cloud in the sky."

"Now."

"I'll be fine."

Forty minutes later my father dropped me at the southern trailhead.

I checked my bag for my map, compass, knife, water, food, whistle, matches, flashlight, an all-weather jacket, fleece, and camera. It was 7:34 AM.

I looked at my watch.

"Sunset's in twelve hours. I should get to the northern trailhead before then."

"I'll be waiting on the other side."

My father hugged me and I set out on the trail to soon be surrounded by wilderness. Bighorn sheep danced on rocky tors and elk herds groomed the alpine meadows.

Back in the early 19th Century Indians had hunted these animals and trappers had caught beaver in the glacier-fed streams. I fell into a good pace. No other bootprints marked the trail.

Within an hour I topped a bald promontory two miles from the trailhead. Mountain peaks barricaded the western horizon. My mother would have loved the view and I toasted her in heaven with a sip of water.

I surveyed the trail map. The path divided into three directions. The northern fork led to a nearest col. The distance to my destination was thirteen miles. I was making good time and I anticipated seeing my father in seven hours.

The weather changed at this height and light clouds obscured the steep pass. A sharp wind swept chilled air across the bare rocks and a strengthening flurry obscured the peaks. I pulled on my cap, fleece and jacket, then trudged down into the aspen forests, where the sun broke through the overcast and I took off my jacket to eat an early lunch of salami and cheese.

Reinforced by the meal I followed the trail up-and-down over several aretes, then switchbacked down to a creek.

The spring melt flooded the path. I swam from one side of the torrent to the other somehow losing my way and I backtracked a mile in soaking clothes.

Cold and exhausted I sat on a flat rock and dried my boots in the sun.

Thirty minutes later they were merely damp. I took out the map and realized that I had only covered three miles in the last two hours.

A family of moose wandered across a boggy swamp. They were thin from a long winter. The wind carried my scent to them and they trotted into the forest. I pulled on my boots and tramped over a 9000-foot high pass. The air was thin and my heart thumped out a rapid beat. Not having seen anyone all day I wondered whether I was on the right trail.

A sign post confirmed my suspicion. I had missed my turning.

I gazed at the wet ground. Bear tracks marked the path. The paw prints were three times the size of my feet. People died in these mountains and died easy from cold, starvation, and animal attacks. I ate my last chocolate bar and counted my blessing. At least I wasn't lost anymore and I spoke to my mother every step of the way downhill.

At 7 O'Clock I arrived at the parking lot. My father stood with two rangers. I must have looked a wreck and the rangers shook their heads, thankful that they didn't have to traipse into the forest at night to find my body and returned to their pick-up truck.

"Twelve hours on the nose." My father tapped his watch.

"Better than thirteen."

"And certainly better than twenty."

"How was it?"

"Beautiful. Mom would be happy."

"She's happier you're in one piece. You hungry?" My father opened the car.

"You bet." I hobbled over to the passenger side on noodled legs and threw my bag on the floor.

"Thirsty?" My father started the engine.

"And then some." I unlaced my boots. The smell was wretched.

"I got a six-pack of beer and a half of a cold pizza." My father cracked the window. "I thought you might need some nourishment."

"You know me all too well." I popped open the Coors and drained the can in one go, feeling every seconds of my forty-seven years. The pizza had an extra topping of pepperoni.

"You don't know how good this is going to taste."

"Oh, yes I do. After the bulldozers stilled the last flames of the Great Maine Fire of 1947, my crew and I had celebrated our victory with a pizza in Portland. It was the best thing that I ever tasted outside your mother's cooking."

"Same as this pizza."

"You know it."

We toasted that thought with beer

Neither of us were mountain men.

We were simply a father and son on a road trip.

Cold pizza.

Colder beer.

And my father had a bottle of white wine in the cooler.

My mother would have liked that.

And so would we later.

A Monk's Summer Leaves

Stayed in two days A monk No talking two days A monk. Walking Down the Avenue. Silent The sidewalk alive As are the trees The branches The green leaves Arching Into the summer sky Oh summer Oh summer Oh summer I silent A monk oh summer ps there was no fasting. Not for this monk

Friday, June 14, 2024

June 13, 1978 - Journal

This morning a knock on my SRO door.It was Ernie the porter for 27 11th Street. An eviction notice in his hand. He was about fifty. I never saw him outside the building. No one had, almost as if he were in hiding, but he always said hello. Friendly.

" I have nothing to do with this. If you pay right away. There's no problem. This is an SRO. The owners are used to people having no money."

"Will they change the locks?" I owed three weeks. $45 per week. $135. I had $63 in my pocket. I already had borrowed from everyone I knew. Alice had given $60. She only earned $120 a week. No one at CBGBs was rich.

"You have a couple of days."

"That's all I need." I shut the door and sat on the sagging bed. This SRO was bad, but not the bottom. Flophouses like the Palace Hotel over CBGBs were worst. Drunks and junkies were there. Here the residents had jobs. Not in banking. Not union. Just jobs like mine. A waiter in an executive dining room on Wall Street.

I sat with my nerves jangling, wondering where I was going to get $75 more. I had my last unemployment check from my teaching job in Boston for $110 coming. Not tomorrow and probably next week. I could ask my boss at Ebasco for an advance. Until then I'll have to avoid the manager. Arthur hates all of us. like we were to blame for his having a crappy job. George, who worked as a dishwasher at a hotel, said the manager had been fired fom the Plaza for stealing. No jail, just sentencing to sit in the office at the door. Like Ernie. He never left the building.

S*** this does wonders for my nerves. My boss at work get in advance on money. He doesn't know, it said to ask Arthur this afternoon. I avoided him yesterday cuz I thought this wouldn't be a problem. I was wrong it is a problem

Work isn't going to answer this problem. Hustling be able to get some money. $ 200 is my soul worth. I have to get a new job

Comparative standing at the windows the dining room 27 floors above Wall Street. Jersey across the river behind that the monster continent of America stretches in some 3,000 MI. For the last month I've been confined to this island 2 miles by 15 Mi is all I know. I have no idea. Boris looks like anymore concrete sidewalks asphalt streets and steel skyscrapers cover Manhattan break 4th Central Park boys dog s******* mothers I crave real nature

Later

The end of the road in Seattle I-90 Hobos under the bridge This is Skid Row Nowhere else to go Alaska to the north No roads go there Only ferries No money Stay in Seattle On the continent's edge.

Cbgb's was really boring last night I need a break from that place hang out at a bar enlightened one the smoke from other people's cigarettes belongs I can't hear what anybody says the light is poor your senses deprived by the punk rock drunk. I just gave it all up and headed west. America's first step from here is New Jersey. And that thought is enough to make me go nowhere

Later

I get my check early from ebasco.

Hopefully Ernie will let me back into 11 West 11th Street very sweaty. There are tramps camping kind of Bleeker Street he has a Barcalounger the lamp plug into nothing I'm so comfortable I wish I could be as comfortable he needs no money I have no money I should just hit the road. Obama's cultivating a rock garden. He doesn't take his boots off bums do and they put them under their heads don't get stolen sleep drunk. This one is different his name is Jim. He comes from Kansas. He hasn't been back there in over 20 years

The highway is lonely play tonight they're still strangers driving Westwood so I'm leaving their wives of their homes others their jobs sway Last Chance in Interstate bar girls beer booze all you want open all night to all the lights nowhere Nevada.

Later

And over the phone at the SRO dropping quarters $3 for 3 minutes. We both express our love and she told me," it was a mistake to come back to West Virginia."

I never Wonder and I always thought she would go and not come back

" none of my friends live here anymore. One friend Jane. . She's in the hospital he just gave birth to triplets. My brother Bobby. I never see him. I've been here 2 days already I want to leave. What should I do

May 23, 1978 I - East Village - Journal

I was at the Cornelius Street Cafe with Alice Kim Amos and Serena, Sean's wannabe girlfriend. We are making plans for the four Gemini party. Amos Kim Serena and me. At Kim's Bleecker Street apartment. We have given out over a hundred invitations that's CBGBs, work bars, and restaurants.

My back was to the door which I never like always worried that someone with whom I had a fight they hit me in the back of the head like Jack McCall shooting Wild Bill Hitchcock in Deadwood while he was holding the dead man's hand.

A finger poked me in the back in the mystery voice said, "What doing here?"

It was wrong being very plain but you lost that I'm a bitch protect myself look. She looked very vulnerable and has since coming back from Paris. Our past barely crossed in our meetings dance really last more than a minute.

Talking to my friends everybody but Alice later scolded me, "You never introduced me to anyone."

"Ro, this is Alice."

I said without explaining who was who Ro was to me. Basically I wanted to shield Alice from knowing that I was still in love with Ro. Maybe not now but maybe yes.

"We're planning a birthday party."

"Am I invited"

"I'll tell you later/ You have the same telephone number right. 255-3035."

Across the old man hold on her jacket. I said nothing and then asked, "Are you thinking of fuckign her?"

"No, I have you."

Kim ever mischievous asked, "Who was that?" The next fuck of yours."

"Who isn't?"

Chemistry more than a few alliances set a word to Alice. I've never said a word what about hers. In many ways they only exist for sex to be shared fucking someone else.

Marooned in the city Seeks exits Once disguised As walls To stand on an Eastern ocean seeing Atlantis Beneath the waves He deserts the city To wade in the tide.

I was in north of the Arctic the resort fully mechanized early decor for several days rumbles have been felt there are no natives to this island the researchers say it happens

This one day there was an extreme Quake shaking me up to a friend's house on top of a hill and beneath his house was a widening crack look down the hill at the ocean surf was unusually rough somehow Antarctic was ending

My friend brought his wife and child his yard we boarded and took to the Sea through the heavy Breakers. The other inhabitants of the island ignore the signs. It was too late anyway Wild tremors and the island split into pieces which slipped into the sea The water took on a glass effect glass with Swirls and curls usually High thin

A whale shark we try to go faster and filling our sales Dream City

The monster was upon us the auto part is lost at my legs torn off but a nearby ship rescued us and I was saved along with my friend's wife and child. Wife was Alice

Fix my legs became a sheep herder. I won't attack my flocks Until it detects Alice then I killed it

Alice sup with me during these dreams. she has gained weight but it's still very cute like a young Shirley MacLaine. I loved her in the movie the apartment, but not in a sexual way.

When she woke, when she woke she felt her stomach and said, maybe I should get pregnancy test and

Later

On the 26th floor the Ebasco the rest of the waiter staff for the executive dining room it's not a Papas plot to the Protestants like having waiting on them the subjugation of the peons I don't understand a single word they say

You smoke Marlboro said the drinks man to Antonio farro Toro Antonio are fighting about the position of the Bermuda Triangle wanting to have it down to Puerto Rico photos in Panama Farrell being a sailor is adamant as to where it is it is the entire ocean ships sink under the water they are gone is perfect for an artist .

Thursday, June 13, 2024

Antlers - Kingsley Amis

I woke up this morning with a hangover so bad, I thought I had grown antlers. - Kingsley Amis

The Last Babylon 2007

Walking Street was crowded with drunken marines, dok thongs, Englishmen on Ecstasy, tattooed go-go girls, shouting Arabs, Amazonian transvestites, and wide-eyed Chinese tourists. These diverse groups threaded through the gauntlet of dueling music from various beer bars and discos. The heat drove everyone insane and alcohol was behind the wheel. The collective madness left me in the dust and I realized vengeance was better suited for the Bible. All I really wanted was a cold beer.

The opening of final chapter of LOVE YOU LONG TIME dedicated to my cousin David Barry

Mistaken Hemingways

Back in 1979 I ran into Margaux Hemingway at a disco. I introduced myself and complimented her on her role in MANHATTAN.

"That was my sister."

We had a good laugh and a few drinks.

Life is a laugh.

86ed from the Buffalo Bar

I first walked into Pattaya's Buffalo Bar on Third Road in 1997. It became my local after I moved to Soi Bong Koch. The beer was cold, the open-air atmosphere was a welcome change from the go-go bars' tobacco-reek, and more than a few of the hostesses were desirable. My ex-wife understandably hated the place and didn't buy my excuse for frequenting the bar.

 "I only go there because it's not far from home."

It was less than two minutes away by motorcycle.

Telling a lie would have sounded better, but the truth was much easier to remember.

I'd go there with my little dog Champoo. She'd sit on the bar and lap at a small bowl of Heiniken. The girls loved my Szhi-Tzu. They didn't even know my name, but nothing nice lasts forever.

Eddy, the fortyish owner, had taken up with a young Belgium thug. She relinquished the daily running of the bar to Sandy, an old crow from Isaan. The mama-san's constant cawing grated on the ears and she insulted the best girls like Cinderella's stepmother realizing that her beauty had faded for good. They left in droves.

Only Tuk remained, which was enough for me.

She had plenty of salacious stories from her past and present.

One night I was sitting with Tuk and Champoo. My dog was having her usual. Heineken. She didn't like Chang. It was either too strong or bitter. She's been doing this over three years. Everyone loves her, but this night Sandy tells me to get Champoo off the bar.

"Dog dirty. Dog smell. Dog not come to bar."

I thought about it a little. I had been coming there for years. Buying drinks for everyone. Never complained when they added a little chisel onto the bar bill.

I wasn't having anyone speak to Champoo like that.

"Just give me the bill. I'm leaving. You know what. I'm never coming back here as long as you work here."

"Good." The old harridan didn't own the place. She only worked there.

"Good for me too. Save money. And I tired of hearing you speak."

"Good you go too." Sandy screeched with her eyes wide. She was angry at me and Champoo. "You not special. You same all farang. Come and go. Come and go. One day die.

"And you're the same as all women. You get old."

The tone of the conversation descended down a slope slippery with expletives in Thai and American. The bouncers rushed into the bar, ready to throw out an unruly foreigner. Seeing me they stopped in their track. I bought them pizza. Sandy gave them shit.

"Don't worry boys, I'm leaving."

"And don't come back." Sandy shouted from behind a phlanx of bar girls.

"No problem."

Outside the bouncers begged me to incite Sandy to a fight.

"You slap her no problem." Dao the head of security winked at me. She was no one's friend, but my mother didn't raise me to hit women and to be honest Champoo was a little dirty, although no more than most of the old farangs haunting the Buffalo or me. At least she never sweats. Not even when she's drunk.

So there ends a beautiful relationship between me and a bar. Funny, not sad at all. Then again there are 3000 other bars in Pattaya. One of them has to be right for me, but in the end I knew Champoo and I would come back to the Buffalo.

After all it was right down the street and neither Champoo nor I liked driving home drunk.

Wednesday, June 12, 2024

Happy Sabaii Sabaii Happy

In 1972 Bhutan’s King Jigme Singye Wangchuck attempted to reform his country’s feudal economy on a Buddhist spiritual level rather than a capitalistic model. To best judge his efforts the king created a Gross Domestic Happiness Index based on life satisfaction, life expectancy at birth, and ecological footprint per capita. The Wall Street Journal ignores the Happy Planet Index, which placed the Pacific nation of Vanuata at the top of the list. Zimbabwe understandably was dead last in 178th place.

Thailand ranked 38 in the 2006 Happiness Survey before coups, yellow shirts, red shirts, shooting in the streets of Bangkok, and burning luxury mall. Four years later the ranking is not lower, but higher.

# 32.

Maybe Thailand mai mi sanuk or not have fun, but they have about forty-three smiles for every expression much like the Eskimos have 23 words for snow. The present smile is known as sao sokh yim or unhappy smile. This mask of chagrin hides the basic dissatisfaction of the nation’s present state.

7/11s do not answer all our needs.

Although a little beer drinking never hurts.

Several years ago I stopped into the Janet Bar on Soi Excite. It was past midnight. Twelve ladies sat on the stool. Two westerners were at the bar. Natalee joined me for a drinking. She was typically looking very sexy, but complained, “Mai mi kak.”

“It’s low season. There aren’t customers anywhere.” Rainy season is lean for the bargirls.

“No good.” Her eyes begged me to bar-fine her.

“Mai mi taeng.” I lied about my finances. Natalee requires training and my long-term devotion to sloth has relegated my sexual prowess to an amateur level, plus I was faithful to Mam, the thinnest woman on Soi 6. She wasn't faithful to me, but one day she would be to our mutual happiness.

“Wah.” She faked crying and went to eat Chinese chicken feet at a table with the other girls.

The nearest westerner smiled sadly and said, “You speak Thai good. How long have you been here?”

“Four years straight.” My first arrival in Thailand dated back to 1991. I was only 39. A mere youth. So innocent. I never thought I would live here, but neither did I think GW Bush would win a second term.

“I’ve been here two years.” His accent was London. East End. He was about 30 and dressed better than most of the beer slobs of Pattaya. “Married a girl and lived up-country the last year.”

“How that working out?” I immediately regretted the question.

“Left her a week ago.” Alan introduced himself and signaled the bartender for two beers. “She is as good as gold, but her family was stitching me up for money. Her step-father is an ex-cop and drinks whiskey all day. And her mother took all the gold I brought my wife for her wedding. The old man wanted 50,000 baht and I told him no.”

“Good idea.” I had heard this story a thousand times. 90% of fathers of the bargirls are a good old rice farmer. Happiness is a bag of tobacco and a bottle of lao khao every day. Easy happy.

“That started the end. He called me a cheap farang in my own house. I bought a house up there. Okay, not much. 5000 pounds and spent 300,000 baht on a wedding.” Alan sounded more disappointed than mad.

“That doesn’t sound gra-dook kat man to me.” Up-country Thais consider farangs money cows.

“No, but the worst was that my wife didn’t back me up.”

"Supporting you would go against the grain. Thai women place their mother first, father second, then the rest of the family, the village, every other Thai before you.” I had experienced this first-hand with all my girlfriends here. The Thais are natural zenotropes. They hate everyone else.

“The old man came to house later with a gun. He wanted money. I told him I was leaving. Asked my wife to come along. She said no, so now I’m here.” He was looking for advice. Advice he wouldn’t follow, because he’s still in love. “My girl ain’t so pretty, she’s 31, but we have sex twice a day.”

“Sex has nothing to do with love.” Although spending a night with Natalee might come close. “Best to cut your losses. You’re from the East End. You’re not a square. Don’t let a rice farmer sucker you.”

“I don’t know.” Weakness of the heart is blood in the water to a Isaan grifter.

“What’s your old man say?” Alan’s father was a dry cleaner in the City.

“He said there ain’t no kids and you’re still young. I’ve been married before.” These failures rankled him. “I wanted this to work out.”

“Sorry.” I ordered another round.

Natalee came over to massage my neck.

“You still not want to go home with me.”

“I want, but have no money.” I was saving my money for Mam.

She frowned and joined the other menless women.

Alan’s happiness index had dropped below the UK average. Mine was someplace near Peru, which is #3.

Beer makes me happy as does hearing someone having it worse than me. We changed the subject and drank two more beers. It was 2am when I left for home. I wished him luck. Natalee blew a kiss. Alan stopped to speak with her. She smiled with enthusiasm. There wasn’t another man in sight.

I arrived back to an almost empty house. My wife has been up-country a long time. She wasn't coming back. Not tomorrow. Not ever. Thankfully my little dog was happy to see me, but then dogs are the only animal who loves you more than themselves.

Happy?

You should see Champoo's tail wag.

Now that’s happy.

La Belle Francoise Hardy 1944-2024

Francoise Hardy remains an icon of beauty.

The brunette had tons of hits in the 1960s.

Francoise was the ultimate Yeh-Yeh Girl.

Sadly Francoise Hardy passed this past week.

But Mlle. Hardy remains a beauty.

And Forever.

"When I write, it is always the melody that comes first, and it just happens to be the case that the most beautiful tunes are sad, and the lyrics follow the mood of the melody." Francoise Hardy

ps if you want to speak French comme une francais, sing along with Francoise.

The Star Ferry Of Hong Kong

The Star Ferry has traversed the harbor between Kowloon and Hong Kong for well over a hundred years. The owner took the name from Tennyson's CROSSING THE BAR, "Sunset and evening star, and one clear call for me!"

Two weeks I stood on the decks of the Celestial Star, the oldest ship in the fleet.

William Holden met Nancy Kwan on the Radiant Star in the 1960 film THE WORLD OF SUZIE WONG.

The ferry was exiled from service eleven years later.

I can't get Suzie Wong out of my head.

I known other Suzie.

Actually only one.

She loved opium.

The crossing was quick and cheap.

245 US cents.

Always Asia

Tuesday, June 11, 2024

A Life Worth Living - Francoise Hardy

“If there were no Frenchwomen, life wouldn't be worth living.” Friedrich Engels

Francoise Hardy Eternity-1944-2024-Eternity

"I never get bored. There isn't enough time in the day for me." FH

Monday, June 10, 2024

1995 Journal Bangkok

My 1995 journal. A page After my youngest brother's death , I quit my job at the Milk Bar in Beverly Hills and bought a round the world ticket from Pan Express. NYC - LA - BANGKOK - train to CHIANG MAI - LHASA - INDIA visiting the holiest places in the world to expedite Michael Charles Smith's passage through eternity. An epic journey. I was my brother's eyes and ears on this life. I still am.

Sunday, June 9, 2024

May 15, 1978 - CBGBS - JOURNAL

I spoke to Alice before she took off from Charleston. I offered to meet her at LaGuardia. Arrival time was late at night. She said she was just going to her apartment. Only seven more days or so to her college performance at The Ensemble Studio Theater. THE GENTLEMEN FROM VERONA. Shakespeare. I have only seen a hippie troupe performing MIDSUMMER NIGHT DREAM in the Boston Common and AS YOU LIKE IT after the blackout a year ago. The city had been so quiet.

I said I would see you tomorrow I went to cbgb's. Strangely playing pinball my shoelaces broke a strange omen.

Alice has become so distant. She loves in the theater. I have a life in the theater too. But only as a spectator. On the outside looking in.

Excessive man from CBGBs. I don't know for what. Maybe cuz he's only 15. He's been banned before. his father came down and told Hilly not to let him in. This won't last same as the others. X is a die-hard punk.

I will miss him, since the 15 year old guitarist is the only other player in CBGBs.

Pinball is my relief from frustration in anger. When I play I think it's nothing more escaping the gravity of the death hole touching the flippers to prevent the ball disappearing.

I rarely tilt.

Mayor LaGuardia in the thirties send the police to smash all the pinball machines. He explained this action, by saying " pinball machines steal money."

He was right, but not for people like me who basically play for free games.

I started playing at the amusement centers of Washington Street up from the Combat Zone, then the Phoenix bar on Commonwealth Avenue, the Bright Spot in Allston, 15 Lansdowne, days of Buchanan's underneath the Lenox Hotel, blue Ranch by the Greyhound bus stop, The Gaslight Pub in Park Slope, The Ocean Club on Chambers Street, and now cbgb's.

I played all over America and only found several players of my caliber; Xcessive, Micel the French bartender from The Gaslight Pub, and Fran Malin, not that she was as good as me, but she humped the pinball machine savagely he's thrust pushing the ball back into space. I asked if she f*** the same way.

She said yes.

It was the truth.

Saturday, June 8, 2024

Angkor Wat 1999

1999 Angkor Wat The Civil War over. Peace reigns once more Kampuchea. On a visa run I fly to Phnom Penh to have the Thai embassy stamped my passport with a 90-stay. I saw no guns on the streets. The pepole were tired of war. After a wicked night on the town and a morning fast ferry up the Tonle Sap, a hugh lake fedding the Mekong, to Siem Reap. Tomorrow Angkor Wat. In the morning at the suggestion of my humble guesthouse I hired a young boy as a guide and a motosai to tour the famed Khmer ruins. We set out at dawn before the sun rise to melt the flesh from our bones. The Hindu empire sought to recreate the paradise of Mount Meru, the home of the Gods. The ten year-old directed me through the massive main temple to the jungled wreathed Ta Prohm complex. By 11 tourists were invading the sights and we drove back to Siem Reap. On the way back Ktut sighed and said, "The French said they discovered Angkor Wat. There were three monks here and countless villages. They discovered nothing but an abandoned city. Abandoned by a people tired of greed " I wanted to say something about the Khmer Rouge marching the citizens of Phnom Penh to the rice fields. This was a time of peace. Back at my hotel I paid Ktut $20. My daily salary for the common man was $1 a day. I hired Ktut for two more days and we traveled through the ancient lands of an old empire. Free as the wind. Ktut expertly spoke of the various

The Myth of Monkey Brains - 2017


Sitting in a Hong Kong dim sum cafe, I reflected on the strange ‘delicacies’ eaten on my travels; snails in France, dog in Indonesia, fried rats and insects in Thailand, alligator in Florida, and sausage pies in the UK, but whenever the discussions comes around the table to the most revolting meal in the world the vote unanimously goes to the fabled Monkey brain feast in Hong Kong, where the skull of the live monkeys are sliced open and the diners scoop out the raw shaking simian cerebellum.

While the Chinese will eat almost anything, live monkey brains are not on the menu according to most international cuisine experts. Dead monkey brains are served in several locations throughout Asia. I’ve seen monkeys eaten in Central American and SE Asia, but never brought myself to dine on them, since the roasted bodies look like little babies.

There are accounts of people eating live brains from the 1940s such as this one.

“The monkey’s head was supported by its neck in a bracket, two pieces of wood with a semicircular hole on each side such that when you put them together, they form a complete circle around the animal’s neck, allowing the head to be exposed above the plank. The hair around the head is shone with a shaving razor. A small chisel and a hammer is used to quickly chisel a circle around the crown, and the top part of the skull is removed. A teaspoon is used to scoop up the brain, which is immediately eaten. This has to be done before the monkey dies.”

Of course this could be urban myth, but I’m not making any effort to find out if it’s true or not.

Above is a photo of chilled monkey brains.

Ain't for me.

The World Of Suzie Wong / Movie


In 1960 Nancy Kwan earned a Golden Globe nomination for her title performance in THE WORLD OF SUZIE WONG.

Once a month my Irish grandmother took my older brother and me to the Loew's Orpheum in Boston. I was eight. Nana was an indeterminate age, having claimed to have been born in the Year of the Crow. Her gravestone later marked her birth year as 1898, although it doesn't seem likely that a sixty-two year-old fervent Catholic would have taken a child to a movie about a Chinese whore.

"Don't tell your mother." Nana swore us to secrecy about this cinematic experience. She was a good Catholic woman from the West of Ireland. I doubted that she had ever confessed all her sins to the priests, because not all their sins were sins for her. My mother would have died to learn of our exposure to such a forbidden subject, however Nana liked good-looking leading men and William Holden filled that bill playing Robert Lomax, an American artist questioning his muse, until he moves to Hong Kong and falls in love with a beautiful prostitute living at his hotel.

Throughout my youth I dreamed about living at Wan Chai Hotel and Suzie Wong.

East meets West.

The Malaysia Hotel in Bangkok came close to the Wan Chan, although none of the go-go girls from Patpong held a candle to Nancy Kwan, except when the lights were out and then I remade the scenes never shown in the original film.

Cut to the love scene and fade to black.

Films such as THE WORLD OF SUZIE WONG fly straight in the face of American morality. Loving a working woman was never a fit subject for a nation consumed by religious righteousness. Any strays from the straight and narrow have been castigated as proteges of Satan.

Whenever I mentioned in the West, that I live in Thailand, women's eyes sparked fire with condemnation. I ignored their antipathy, because to them life in Thailand can be a mirror of THE WORLD OF SUZY WONG or a bad porno movie.

Being a pseudo-intellectual I opted for the first.

Because I still have dreams of Suzie Wong.

Only now they are about my loving Mam.

She is all the Suzie Wong I need in this life and the next.

Here's the trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnepiAcqb_g

Birkin Bag Hong Kong -2017

In 2017 I was commissioned by the Aide De Camp of an Arab prince to deliver a $100,000 Hermes Birkin bag to a Hong Kong banker. $2000 plus flights hotel and a trip to see my family in Thailand.

I flew from NYC to HK empty-handed and picked up the bag at an auction house in HK. After a swift examination I delivered the Birkin bag to its final destination three blocks away without ever meeting the banker. I received a signed receipt and walked to the Star Ferry and crossed the Perfumed Harbor to my hotel in Kowloon.

Crossing the Perfumed Harbor I looked at the distant hills.

China.

I knew Yunnan and Szechuan.

I had dumplings in Kowloon.

The next day I was on the Rayong Beach with my family.

A drifter's life.

Friday, June 7, 2024

Star Ferry - Hong Kong

A poem I wrote last evening on the subway home. Funny the things we remember

From Hong Kong to Bangkok to see my family. Had a great trip.

Crossing the Perfumed Harbor
By the Star Ferry
I looked to the north.
Hills rose to the north.
Tall hills.
Golden in the dawn light.
The June air hot humid.
Eyes closed
I erased the condos.
All the cars.
The modernity
Then a mirage of Hong Kong.
Long ago.

Two hundred years ago
The island
Trees
Fishing villages
To the north.
The glory of China
The Celestial Kinggom.
To the west.
I open my eyes
I see
Only one second
Of that eternity.
Then
Back to 2017 The Perfumed Harbor The Star Ferry Hong Kong.