BRIGITTE NEVER GETS OLD

Ten years ago I returned to New York after a long time in Thailand. Culture shock had been minimalized by staying at my friend's $3 million Fort Greene brownstone, however after a week I had acclimatized to fat people with loud voices, young people walking with cellphones in their hands, and the lack of serious conversation. My biographer called and asked me to recount the circumstances of my exile from the Land of Smiles.

"Come meet me at Lucien’s on 1st Avenue. I'm interviewing Taylor Meade.” Dannett was a man about town. He had been a child star as a child. As a man he was still a boy and so was I.

I showed up late. The beat poet had drunk a bottle of whiskey. Dannett was conversing with a young Russian boy, Chad, who was clearly smitten with the respected obituarist’s infectious joi du mots. The magic of Dannett's perpetual youth had that effect on some people and the bon vivant introduced me with an ornate flourish, "Meet my new protege. He likes older women."

"Why doesn't he like older men?" Taylor Meade was upset with the inattention.

"Older women are more intellectual than older men."

"How's that?" I asked in search of finding an answer to why I had divorced my feeling for a married woman madly in love with me.

"Because older men are only interested in younger cock." Chad was street smart which Taylor and I both admired.

"Older men are rarely interested in anything older than themselves." My Thai wife was 24. She was pregnant with my son. I had come back to America to make another fortune. The last had been blown overseas.

"But, truly, I have wept too much! The Dawns are heartbreaking. Every moon is atrocious and every sun bitter," the angelic boy quoted Rimbaud and purported himself like a gentleman.

"I prefer 'I have stretched ropes from steeple to steeple; garlands from window to window; golden chains from star to star, and I dance' It's a little more cheerful." Dannett had a repertoire of quotes memorized as a child actor.

Taylor and I contested their quotes by emptying our glasses, but I was jealous of Dannett's protege. He was 23 and looked 12. His life was life ahead of him. I was almost three times his age and no one had called me young in decades.

"An older women like cut cock," I interjected from behind a glass of wine. We laughed, as Chad assessed the intent of the statement. None of us expected him to say, "That's anti-Semitic."

"Anti-Semitic?" I was having none of this. "Chad, what does a cut cock have to do with anti-Semitism."

"Jews have their penises cut." His cheeks burned with indignation of the supposed slight.

"I was just joking."

"Jokes like that are meant for the Twentieth Century." Americans and especially young ones had lost their sense of humor after the indoctrination of political correctness.

"Lighten up, unless the mohel schobbed off too much prepuce at your Bris. You know that the mohel was buried with all the foreskin he had ever cut off?"

"Prepuce." Chad had never heard the term.

"Yes, the foreskin of Jesus." The Holy Bris of Jesus was reputed to have been preserved in a jar of spikenard and this relic has passed hands throughout the royalty of Europe. "They rubbed it for good luck and it turned into a suitcase without any wheels."

After this quip Chad excused himself from the table. Taylor followed him to the bathroom, looking to get lucky wiht the younger man, while Dannett admonished me for riding him a little hard, however I do believe in the Freedom of Speech unlike France, whose courts had been seeking a $23,500 fine against the withered beauty, Brigitte Bardot, for inciting anti-Muslim hatred in her letter to the then Interior Minister Nicholas Sarkosy accusing the nation’s #1 minority of destroying French Culture by not listening to Johnny Hallyday or eating crepes.

I shut off Dannett's lighthearted harangue and drank my wine, thinking that maybe Chad could help her with this problem. After all he has a thing for older women, as do I, especially blue-haired heiresses dipped in Botox, then again I’m no gentleman and Brigitte Bardot never gets old in AND GOD CREATED WOMEN, except in CONTEMPT in which she was only 29 and I was eleven. Way to young to be with her, but never to young to dream.

Pre-Yom Kippur 2024

I am not Jewish, despite having been circumcised at birth at Boston Lying-In. The doctors were Yankees. My birth certificate even denotes my having been mutilated in accordance with the Anglo-Saxon upper class believing that boys masturbated less without a foreskin. Idiots. We were told that this barbaric custom was for hygiene. Poof! Religious fanatics ruin our heaven on earth, but this coming weekend is Yom Kippur, the high Jewish holiday borrowed from the Babylonians in the 5th Century BCE.

Presently I'm working as a diamantaire in Montauk with Cousin Richie. Jews have their schlongs schnitted post-birth, since The Torah states that God made a covenant with Abraham, and that every male among the Jewish people should be circumcised as an outward sign of this covenant. Of course circummcision has nothing to do with Yom Kippur, but anthropologists state that for the Masaai, Polynesians, and First People around the globe circumcision was a rite of passage for young men as a test of bravery and endurance, a ritual mutilation, a sacrificial spilling of blood.

In 2019 a Masaai warrior had told me that at thirteen or the coming of puberty the tribal doctor had cut his manhood before the entire clan with friends taunting him, as he received the 'button-hole' technique pulls the glans of the penis through an incision in the foreskin, leaving a portion of foreskin hanging as a permanent appendage

Thankfully I don't remember my circumcision at Boston Lying-In Hopiatal for womne in 1952, but just imagine the horror of emerging from your mother's womb to be greet into this cruel world by a man with a knife. No wonder we're all fucked up.

Two weekends from now is the Jewish High Holiday is Yom HaKippurim, the Day of Atonement, when Jews around the world seek forgiveness from their God after which their fate will be prescribed by the Holy One and in accordance with rites passed on throughout time worshippers off the following poem.

"A great shofar will be blown, and a small still voice will be heard. The angels will make haste, and be seized with fear and trembling, and will say: "Behold, the day of judgment!"... On Rosh Hashanah it is written, and on the Yom Kippur fast it is sealed, how many will pass and how many will be created, who will live and who will die, who in his time and who not in his time... But repentance, prayer, and charity remove the evil of the decree... For You do not desire a person's death, but rather that he repent and live. Until the day of his death You wait for him; if he repents, You accept him immediately."

That horrible Day of Judgment is feared to be coming soon with the Israelis spreading war throughout the Levant in a merciless revenge for last year's October 7 Attack on the Negev settlements. Gaza destroyed, the West bank attacked, leaders of the resistance huunted to ground, Missiles and artillery attacks on Lebanon. No one is spared the the wrath of the destroying IDF. The old, the young, children, women, everyone is a target. The fundamentalists of America are on their knees this Sunday, praying that Yawweh will bring Armageddon and Christ will come again. Oh, what joy, the world end. At least all the Christians will be gone.

And if not I ain't atoning for anything.

Atheists have no venging Gods.

The Masaai warrior also said that at 19 he went out into the savannah armed with a spear and slew a lion.

"A single throw at fifty yards. Killed him instantly."

John had the lion skin at home. He showed it to me. It had been on living flesh only five years earlier. Today Israel struck Gaza killing more children. The Zionists are massing tanks to raze Gaza City to the ground like the Romans wiped all tracae of the Cathargenians from the Mediterranean. Azrael has gone mad as they seek revenge for October 7 and the and the Chosen People are hellbent on war. Revenge. revange. r3venge for the Holocaust. No atonement. Madness. Sheer madness.

Sie Gesund The Mohel

Two days ago Philip L. Sherman, New York City's most prominent mohel, passed away after performing over 27,000 circumcisions over forty-five years. A truly holy man, this mohel had time to play music and ride motorcycles between his busy schedule of B’rit milahs, an average of three daily.

"My record is eleven in one day – two twins and seven others."

Jews are circumcised according the Yahweh's instructions to the tribe in the Torah, which is first mentioned in Genesis 17: 9-12: "And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised." thus creating a covenant with their Lord.

Traditionally a mohel cut off the foreskin and then sucked off the blood in a rite called Metzitzah B’peh, thereafter the foreskin was buried in the earth, a practice perhaps dating back to wandering in the desert after fleeing Egypt to escape their debtors.

Eight days old and such a trauma.

Kantor Sherman acknowledged that the infant boy does feel pain.

How can he not?

Some stranger in cutting off his foreskin.

Circumcision is not a prerequisite to being Jewish. If the mother is Jewish then the boy is Jewish. That simple. As for just goys, the medical profession subscribes to the practice for health reason, however the diseases attributed to having a foreskin are extremely rare and our present acceptance of this archaic butchering of the body dates back to Victorian fears of masturbation damaging a young boy's soul and body, although the Puritans also ascribing the the procedure.

I was cut without thought. 1952. The Richardson House. I doubt my foreskin was buried with millions of others from male babies. It is all barbaric to me, as if female genital mutilation as practiced throughout the Muslim lands and Africa. In Kenya I have stood outside the refuges for young women. Their families call for them. Come and cut your skin. Be one with us. The missionaries say nothing about the trimming off the female foreskin, as in America no one questions the continuation of this barbaric practice.

Jesus' foreskin or the Holy Prepuce adorns many European churches, although the one True Holy Foreskin is located in a Calcata church called Chiesa del SS. The faithful have claimed that rubbing the ancient skin on a blind person's eye can restore their vision. Maybe the Catholic will one day attempt to raise Jesus from the dead from the DNA extraction from the Holy Foreskin, and then The Nailed God came perform the miracle of foreskin regrowth. Until then the Mohel will have his way with the foreskin, one tiny schlong at a time.

Unschlocking the Schlong

WRITTEN 6/26/12

German courts have banned circumcision of older boys on the grounds that the traditional cutting off of the male foreskin causes the child bodily harm. In babies the healing process takes up to 10 days, but for older boys the scar will remain for months. Jews and Muslims angrily protested such a judgment as an attack on religious freedom.

I was circumcised at birth. My parents were told that the procedure was painless and my penis would be cleaner than someone with a foreskin. I had no choice in this matter. The doctor sliced off my foreskin and that was that.

As a boy we heard the following joke.

A surgeon retires from his long career as a specialist in circumcision. Throughtout his career he has saved hundreds of foreskins as mementos and now wishes to turn them into a souvenir. He takes his specimens to a leathersmith and asks him to make something out of them. A week later the surgeon returns and the leathersmith presents him with a wallet.

"All those foreskins and you only made me a wallet?" exclaims the surgeon.

The leathersmith replies, "Yes, but if you stroke it, it becomes a briefcase."

None of us who were circumcised found any humor in the joke, because circumcision takes away more than a snip of skin. The total area of skin removed from the penis is about the size of a 3" X 5" index card and with this loss of elasticity the skin becomes taut thereby shortening the penis by a 1/2 inch.

Not much doctors say to guarantee cleanliness, except in coitus the phantom nerves of my absent foreskin ask me, "Why?"

The origins of circumcision lay in ancient times. Some scholars of antiquity consider it a rite of passage or religious sacrifice pointing to Egyptian hieroglyphics, although the man in the image looks more like he is being punished for a crime, since his hands are restrained by another man.

In the Victorian era English doctors prescribed the the theory that circumcision would prevent masturbation in young boys. I have disproved that hypothesis thousands of times as a boy and a man without the pleasure of that extra length or sensitive flesh.

My foreskin is gone.

The operation was performed at Boston Lying-In for Women.

It did not accompany me home.

I doubt it was buried with respect.

In fact it might have been used for cosmetics.

Years ago at the Bangkok-Pattaya hospital I looked into the possibility of a foreskin reconstruction. The Thai doctors shook their heads. They were good at transforming men into women or re-attached penis cut off my angry wives, however there was no procedure for replacing my foreskin.

There is no unschlocking the schlong.

And that is the final cut.