Illiterati of the Modern Age # 1

Back in the early 1960s I attended a good Catholic grammar school on the South Shore of Boston. Dyslexia was considered a sign of the Devil by the Nuns of Our Lady of the Foothills along with writing with the left or sinister hand. The inability to decode words has been declared incurable by various speech and reading therapy experts and I have to admit that they are probably right. I read the page from the outside in and my typing matches my consonant mispronunciations; gh distorts to hg ad infinitum. I can not read a poet aloud without changing the sentences to suit my impediments, but friends and family emails from the Internet have proven that people aren't dyslexic, then they are horrible spellers and grammarians. Their illiteracy had risen to a new level unrivaled since the Dark Ages, when there were only 3 books in all of Christendom.

The Bible and two holy treatises on pornography.

One male and one female with a small pamphlet for the perverse.

But little concern needs be shed about this collapse of intelligence.

You only have to read the following to understand why we no longer need geniuses. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Like I said who ndees samrts?

Thankfully none of us have to read porn.

Oh my Lucky Day

I am Vice Chairman of Hang Seng Bank, I have Important Matter to Discuss with you concerning my late client, Died without a NEXT OF KIN. Send me your private email for full details information. email me at (infovsa@ aim.com)

Mail

Regards Dr.Raymond Chien Kuo Fung

Neo-Droid Hands

Comic book characters rarely had all their fingers. Many artists are unable to draw a hand, which I've always deemed to be the cause for the advent of abstract expressionism. Most recently I went online to look at wedding bands for a friend. The website offered this image.

Not really a hand.

Then again nothing on the internet is real.

Just zeroes and ones.

Binary number system developed from the I Ching

It holds the power of the known universe.

For man and hands.

Biggest Ferrari Shirtseller in the World

Thailand is famous for knock-offs. I bought the complete collection of STAR TREK DVDs for less than $100. The cost in the States would have been over $1000. My guilt was assuaged by the savings, especially since the money goes to the copyright holders and not Gene Roddenberry, the creater of STAR TREK.

Throughout the 00s I used the same logic to rationalized my internet sales of F1 merchandise. My website was #1 on Google for Ferrari shirts and various other articles of interest for motorheads, although this ranking resulted in a good business, but not great as the dollar plummeted from 40 baht to 31.

I took risks to increase my profits. I shipped the merchandise from the PO. I kept the shirts at my house. My downfall came from greed. I met with several Italians about producing shirts for them. They came from Ferrari's hometown. It was obvious that they were from the sports cars' investigative arm. I gave them an alias and said that I didn't do wholesale that big. This subterfuge kept them off my trail for several months. Business continued to slip and a customer in Texas placed several orders, then announced that he had burned his credit card. He asked if he could send the money via Western Union. It was for $500. I needed the money and said yes using my real name.

Stupid, because the customer worked for Quantico LLD a private investigation firm in Bangkok.

A month later a min-van pulled up to my house and 10 police surrounded me.

Bangkok cops from the cyber-crime unit.

The cops busted me for possession of twenty shirts.

Two farangs supervised the closing of my site and I locked up my house for processing in Bangkok. I was worried about my prospects. I had just sh ipped $5000 worth of merchandise. My bank account was wiped out and I began to wonder what spending a week in jail would be like, however they never cuffed my wrists or took away my telephone. In fact they stopped on the motorway to order me a #3 dinner from KFC.

At the police station I was put into an A/Ced office. The police asked if I wanted to watch a movie. I picked out THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY. Two cops watched it and I explained how Clint Eastwood was a bad hero. After process I was taken upstairs to be filmed by the national TV.

Thousands of shirts were piled against the wall. The police colonel said they were mine in Thai. I coughed and said that he must be mistaken. He looked at me and smiled conveying that this was no mistake and no problem either. These shirts belonged to someone big.

I was taking the fall for him.

Another policeman whispered, "Not worry. This only cost you $100."

I wasn't used to trust a cop, but he took care of me. I made bail and went home that evening.

Ferrari was safe from the ravages of my website. Thai honor was redeemed and I was out on bail. I went drinking with my Bangkok friend. He was a cop. A good one. They always are when they're your friends.

And I've learned my lesson.

Crime doesn't pay unless it pays good.

Rule # 34 No Exceptions

Rule 34: If it exists, there is porn of it. No exceptions.

Dead Zone Mae Sot

Sitting in a resort in Mae Sot on the Burma border. The owner said that there was wifi. There is none. I would read a book CANNERY ROW by John Steinbeck, but for some reason there are never any bedlamps in these hotels and very few outlets, so I have the distinct displeasure of having to suffer through a Thai soap opera.

Argghhh!