No More Mr. Nice Guy

The short-time bars of Soi 6 and go-go bars of Walking Street are not the only tourist attractions of Pattaya. Farangs and Thais travel down from Bangkok to lounge on the beach, dine at the thousands of restaurants, shop at street markets, and take in the sights.

Several years ago Louis Tussaud’s Waxworks promoted its pseudo-museum with a new billboard on Sukhumvit. Farangs couldn’t read the words in Thai, however the giant photo of Adolf Hitler sieg heiling said a million words to foreign travelers on the busy highway.

The ad campaign was aimed at Thais, since the wordage was in the native tongue of Siam.

“Hitler is not dead.”

German and Israeli embassies complained to authorities and the Louis Tussaud’s Waxworks manager apologized for this cultural faux pas.

“We think he is an important historical figure, but in a horrible way. We apologise for causing any offense which was not at all intended. We did not realise it would make people so angry.”

Thais were unperturbed by the mistake.

‘Man kill farang. Not kill Thai. What problem?” One of my Thai friends said over the telephone. Thais aren’t too concerned with anything happening outside their borders or the present. Neither are my fellow Americans. “If he bad. Why no one kill him?”

Indeed Hitler has been rumored to have escape the Berlin bunker. George Steiner wrote THE LAST PORTAGE OF AH about an Israeli intelligence squad finding the Nazi leader in the jungles of Brazil. Several films have centered their plots of the lost empire of the Third Reich. Adolf would be a very old man if he was alive. In fact he’d be the oldest person alive on this planet.

“120 years old.” An overweight Hassidic diamond broker told this joke the other day. “Things are bad on this planet. troubles so bad that people want a strong leader. someone finds Hitler alive in Brazil. 120 years old but still mentally capable. The world leaders struggle to persuade Hitler to take over the world. He refuses time and time again, until he agrees.

“Okay, okay, I’ll do it, but this time no Mr. Nice Guy.”

Yes, Pattaya, Adolf still lives in the minds of many.

Good thing he can’t collect on his royalties.

AH 1889-1945?-2009? and beyond

Wabbits Of The NYPD

A secret organization in the USA government is in pursuit of an escaped mutant rabbit. They finally corral the beast in a suburban woods, but it's impossible to catch him, because he's so fast. The intelligence organization sends out an offer of $10,000,000 bounty for its capture.

Within hours the CIA, FBI, and NYPD show up to help get the rabbit.

The CIA go first.

Two hours later the black squad emerges out of the woods empty-handed.

"We found the rabbit, but we had a team rendition him to Gitmo." The CIA agent tell the G-Man. "Where's our money."

"No rabbit, no money."The search leader is no fool and points to a group of men in black suits and white shirts. "FBI, you're next."

The FBI go into the woods. Two hours later their team exit from the woods.

"We got him but he's in the witness protection program. Where's our money?"

"Bullshit, you didn't see any rabbit." The lead agent sends them away and turns to the NYPD.

"Don't worry, we'll get your rabbit." The NYPD sergeant leads his partner into the woods.

Two minutes later the trees shake from the ferocity of a fighting. The screams are horrifying and after ten minutes the NYPD drag a battered and bloodied bear out of the woods. The lead agent looks at the cops and asks, "What the fuck is this?"

The NYPD sergeant nudgess the brutalized bear, who says through broken teeth, "I'm a wabbit."

On Vacation

An Israeli landed at Kennedy Airport in New York and at immigration the US Customs officer asked, "Occupation ? " The Israeli answers, "No, just for visit."

Happiness ala Vietnam

Sometimes you have to share a joke in this modern world, especially if its humor addresses an eternal question.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese refugee had a discussion about the happiness of life.

“To me, happiness is returning home on a Monday evening, having a wonderful dinner prepared by my wife, then slouching on the sofa watching Monday Night Football,” the American said.

“You Americans are not romantic at all”, the French injected, “Spending a lovely evening with my lover, walking along the Seine River, and having a romantic dinner on top of the Eiffel tower. That is happiness of life.”

“You call those things happiness”, the Vietnamese said, “then you two still don’t understand life at all. Imagine this. You are sleeping soundly at night in Sai-gon. Suddenly you hear loud knocks on your front door. You hear loud voices, ‘Mr. Nguyen Tuong Van, open the door!’.

Awakened with fear, you rush out and open the door. Right there, you see two secret policemen ready to handcuff you. One man says to you, ‘Mr. Nguyen Tuong Van, you are under arrest for possession of heroin. You are being sent to Changi to be hanged. Sweating profusely and shaking uncontrollably, you reply to them, ‘Comrades, Mr. Nguyen Tuong Van lives next door.’ That moment is the ultimate happiness of life, my friends.

International Dating

WHITE WOMEN:   

First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.

Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.

Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN:

First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:

First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.

Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti &
meatballs.

Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat
ring.

5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of
having sex.

6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH WOMEN:

First Date: You get terrific head.

Second Date: You get even more great head.

Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.

CHINESE WOMEN:

First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.

Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.

Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already
realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN:

First date: Meet her parents.

Second date: Set the date of the wedding.

Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN:

First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.

Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
dinner.

Third Date: You get to pay her rent.

Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you. 

THAI WOMEN:

First Date: You get drunk on beer, barfine her and have sex back at your hotelr.

Second Date: She quits working and you ahve sex ten times in one day.

Third Date: You rent a house. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on sum  tam  for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a shack in Isaan. ARAB WOMEN:   

First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out. 

Second Date: You are shot dead.

No third date.

Jezebel / Joke

A black man takes the 410 bus every morning. Elroy gets a seat by the driver. he doesn't say nothing to no one. A nod and not much else. He's not a morning person.

One day a man wearing a beret gets on the bus. He nods to Elroy. He smells his middle finger and says with a French accent, "Fifi."

Elroy is freaked by this encounter, but figures the Frenchman is crazy.

Worse that he's trying to hit on him.

The next morning the same thing.

Smells his finger.

"Fifi."

On the 3rd day Elroy is ready to kill the Froggie and says, "What the fuck is this 'Fifi' shit?"

"Sorry, but every morning before I leave the house I stick my finger in my girlfriend's pussy." The Frenchman lifts his finger to his nose. "Fifi."

The explanation calms down Elroy and the next morning after the Frenchman says, "Fifi." elroy lifts his arm to his nose and snorts from elbow to fist.

"JEZEBEL."