Buddha is Back

On the night of Barack Obama's election as the 44th president the crowd in the Select Bar on Lafayette Street in Lower Manhattan sang loudly LET THE SUNSHINE. This song comes from the musical HAIR which proclaimed the dawning of Age of Aquarius, despite common thought that the Age of Aquarius began in 1447. Its debut doesn't matter, since I felt very good about the New Age and so do thousands of Buddhist adherents in southern Nepal, for it appears that the reincarnation of Buddha has re-emerged from the jungle after a year's hiatus.

No one in the Buddhist hierarchy has attested to the validity of Siddhartha's second coming, but the young man's months-long meditation beneath a tree has electrified his followers with anticipation of the Great Awakening.

Let the sunshine.

Cokehead President

President GW F Bush was angry after someone on the staff of #44 leaked minutes of the Oval Office meeting between the incoming and outgoing presidents. It seems that GW F Bush won't back the bail-out of the US automakers, unless the Democrats back his much-maligned free-trade agreement with Columbia.

I've asked several smart friends why GW F Bush would insist on this pact with the Latin American nation. None could give an explanation.

As far as I can surmise, Columbia's main exports to the USA are coffee, plantains, lingerie, and of course cocaine.

GW F Bush doesn't seem like he wears lingerie or eats plantains, so his interest has to originate with either coffee or blow.

My vote is for his drug of choice.

Zoot, ye-ho, coke.

Coffee you can get anywhere.

So GW F is more interested in getting blow than saving jobs in Flint, Mich.

Somehow that choice doesn't surprise me at all.

Then again #43 and I share the same vices.

Perfect Day

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Wintertime in Pattaya

An intense high pressure system has stalled over Thailand inflicting seasonally cooler weather on the entire country. Pattaya hit 22 (73 Farenheit) and Chiang Mai 12. My wife called from Chai-nat saying it was freezing. I’m wearing a sweater, but I still see UK tourists walking around with bare-chests. I called my friend Nick to ask his opinion.

“I didn’t turn on my AC, but it isn’t cold. You’ve been out here too long if you think this is cold.”

Maybe he’s right. Living in the tropics does tend to thin your blood. I took a bike ride by the beach and Russian vacationers were swimming in the wind-chopped sea, while tour boats were loading Chinese holiday-makers for a trip to Koh Lann, the nearest island to Pattaya.

Two old ladies from the Ukraine were slathering themselves with skin-frying oils. As they lay on the sun palette, I realized that Darwin was completely wrong. Mankind did not descend from apes.

Well, maybe some of us, but the rest of humanity genetic make-up evolved from either ET tampering or orgiastic miscegenation between the species of the animal kingdom.

Dogs and snakes (Jim Carey).

Horses and giraffes (John Holmes).

You get the picture.

In the case of the stocky Ukrainian matrons their first ancestor was a walrus and the skinny old dudes lounging in the g-strings reminded me on monitor lizards basking on a rock.

Evolution from more than one source, because you know Adam wasn’t celibate before Eve.

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Woman Seeking Man

My brother-in-law sent this message about a New Retail Store. My wife loves shopping. For women shopping is a sport on the same level as football only they don’t sit on a sofa watching TV. They are on the field and play to win.

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It’s my beer money that loses.

Wah.

Interesting new store format called the “Husband Store” has opened in New York. Needless to say, the store sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:-

“You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building”

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.



———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited __________________________________________________

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Obama Meets F Bush

President-elect Barack Obama visited his home-to-be today. President #43 greeted #44 at the White House. This tradition provided both men with ample time to assess the past and future of America and their spokespeople put a smiling face on the hour-long meeting. President Bush has promised a fast transition.

"I want to get out of the Oval Office and back to doing lines as muy rapido as possible."

He didn't say that, but after his eight-year reign I'm sure he's looking forward to some 'getting down' time, unless he's forced to serve a 3rd term for the sake of the country.

No details of the talks were released, but at least Obama had the graciousness not to punch out old # 43.

I would have.

Airplane Attention Getter

If you are on a plane, sitting next to someone who won’t klm-landing-airplane.jpgleave you in
peace, the easiest way to shut them up is to give them a heart attack.

1. Calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Boot it.
4. Make sure the person can see the screen.
5. Mumble some gibberish under your breath.
6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
7. Then hit this link:

http://tinyurl.com/e8efm