Too Close To Call

The recall vote in Wisconsin has been declared too close to call by the BBC and Al Jazeera. CNN and Yahoo has refused to comment on the exit polls, while CBS has the GOP incumbent slightly ahead. Drudgereport.com went out on a limb to call the results as follows; 60% to Walker to some 39% for his Democratic challenger. That ain't too close to call in my book, but then the GOP outspent the Dems $29 million to $15 million. Putting their money on the rich, because no one wants to be poor anymore. Onto November.

Zombies on the Highline

They are everywhere. Photo by Jorge Socarrás He lived while others dined.

Cannibal Capture

The BBC News have announced the Berlin Police's capture of the Canadian cannibal/porno star/bisexual/model/transsexual Luka Magnotta. His crime of killing a Chinese student and posting body parts to various political figures had gripped the imagination of the media, who followed his flight from America's northern neighbor to the Europe with the enraptured interest any reporter who give to a bisexual tranny cannibal murderer. According to arresting polizei cadets Luka surrendered at an internet cafe, simply saying in English, "You got me". Speaking German was not among his many talents, so now Canadians can rest easy. The murderer is in jail. He will be extradited to Montreal to face various charges ranging from murder to unauthorized shipment of human parts. ps There is no death penalty in Canada.

Chuck Norris versus Zombies

Chuck Norris doesn't mess around with the dead.

The Roam of Ghosts

My son talks about phee or ghosts. Fenway's not scared of these spirits, but he doesn't want to go to certain houses on our soi in Sri Racha, since the four-year-old sees birds with voices. His mother thinks that he has the 6th sense. Mam says that she is not frightened by ghosts.

"Not zombies too." She weighs 45 kilos. Zombies like fat people. Mam is mostly skin and bones. A Biafran beauty.

I explained that zombies weren’t ghosts, but flesh-eating monsters.

“I not see them eat Thai people in movie. Maybe not like taste. Scare farang, not Thais.”

“What about the ghost that eats people’s intestines? Phi Krasy?”

Mam shivered like a ghost entered the room. “Don’t say that word.”

“Phi Krasy?”

MAM didn’t talk to me that night and I slept close to her body, if only to protect her from the dead.

Here’s a list of thai demons or phi-saat complied by Stacker on http://www.thailandqa.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4792

Phi Krahang - A glowing fusion of a man and a bird dedicated to a diet of offal.

Phi Krasy – this demon lives within a witch’s body. the succubus leaves the sleeping host to consume your intestines. Eyes incapable of blinking and can’t look anyone in the face like a TV newscaaster.

Phi Phrai – The spirit of a woman who has died in childbirth and whose body has been used to make phi thai hong lotion. A sorcerer must hold a candle under the corpse’s chin, and from the resultant melted oil essences are manufactured which drive men mad

Phi Tai Ha – The spirit of a woman who has died of malaria. The ghost will also spread this disease.

Phi Thuk Khun – The substance of a living person which has to be sent out on astral journeys every week, or harm will come to its owner,

Phi Khamod – A spirit in the shape of a red star which, like a Will o’ the Wisp, misleads wanderers.

Phi Nang Tani – A female tree spirit which is essentially beneficent and may fill the alms bowls of itinerant monks.

Phi Pa – A forest spirit. Hunters may leave a piece of the foot, lip, tongue or eyelid of a killed animal to show respect to this spirit.

Phi Poang Khang – A spirit in the shape of a black monkey which likes to suck the big toe of people sleeping in the jungle. It is said to live near salt licks.

Phi Ka – These spirits are inherited through women and can be contagious. The Ka, if not properly treated (with raw eggs) will attack and possibly possess people without the owner’s knowledge. Perhaps understandably, ordinary people are said to be reluctant to marry into Ka clans!

Phi Hai – Hungry, amoral spirits associated with places where people have died an unnatural or violent death. Phi Hai are easily offended, and take every opportunity to possess people. Normally, they can be induced to leave their victim if suitable offerings are made, but on occasions an exorcist has to drive them out. In such cases, when incantations and lustral water prove insufficient, a whip may need to be employed.

Phi Pob – A malicious and very dangerous spirit which manifests itself as a beautiful woman. Phi Pob float through the air because they have no legs or lower body. They generally appear as a length of internal organs and intestines suspended from a strikingly lovely face – therefore, beware beautiful women gliding mysteriously by in long dresses! This type of ghost is probably more feared than any other species in Thailand.

They're coming to get flesh.

More on me than Mam.

And I'm a better meal than Fenway.

By at least 70 kilos.

Zombie Zictims

"Zombies, zombies, zombies." Last week headlines across America screamed the warning of a zombie attack in Miami after a crazed naked man at a derelict's face in public followed by a mother eating her newborn's toes as well as a Maryland college student confessing the crime of cannibalism to local police and a man mutilating himself with a knife. Zombies on the loose have seized the imagination of the country and last year the Centers for Disease Control lured teenagers to their emergency preparedness blog by adding zombie apocalypse. This week the CDC stated without any reservation that the organization knows on no virus or condition that would reanimate the dead. The zombie mania had legs and a zombie video went viral on the internet. Newspapers were quick to report that the zombie attack was probably caused by the attacker's drug overdose on 'baht salts'. The stellar quality of this spastic journalism was brought to earth by calmer minds discovering that the video had been faked by a group of young men seeking to challenge people's racial prejudices. Most viewers found the video funny, but one RESIDENT EVIL fan said according to rt.com, “They are idiots. Luckily for them, arms are banned in Miami. Should it happen in Texas, I would’ve shot him down without even thinking.” Arms are banned in Miami? Gun owners are allowed by allowed by law to strap on firearms, so the pranksters were lucky that they only scared teenagers. The debunking of this report did not reap a harvest of recantations from the media such as ABC News, which stood by its coverage of the drug-induced zombie craze by printing the testimony of a 'bath salt addict, "It felt so evil. It felt like the darkest, evilest thing imaginable." Bad thoughts lead to bad deeds, but there are no zombies on earth. Not yet, but if there are I hope that they are the slow-moving zombies of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD instead of the fast one from RESIDENT EVIL. The first to satisfy the hunger of the fast-moving zombies will be fat slow-moving zictims. Rule # 1 - always keep a few fat people around to scream in terror. Zombies love screaming zictims. ps I understand about the toes of little babies. They look delicious.

CALL IT STORMY MONDAY T-Bone Walker

Rain has been falling all this Monday morning and I can't help but think about T-Bone Walker's CALL IT STORMY MONDAY. His electric guitar signals a departure from acoustic blues and many artists have covered the song over the decades since its release in 1949 with some crediting the rights to STORMY MONDAY thus depriving T-Bone Walker of his royalties. What a surprise from the record companies. CALL IT STORMY MONDAY It's a rainy one in New York. To hear CALL IT STORMY MONDAY, please go to this URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hVR8lg1YLuc