Thai Etiquette for the Head

Years ago a scientific lab of humanity conducted a study about how many times a day certain nationalities touched another person.

Italians nearly a hundred.

Spanish approximately fifty.

The French fifteen.

The Germans five and the English never, except in a fight.

The Thais are very particular about touching, especially in public.

The head should never be touched, since it is the most sacred part of the body.

When I first visited my wife's family in the country, we sat down for a long meal. The afternoon feast transformed into an evening drinking contest between the males. I had nothing to prove, especially since the whiskey made out of rice was stronger than White Lightning moonshine, and I was more than willing to finish dead last in the dim-lao> Olympics.

Throughout the night I kept sliding into a sleeping position and my hosts continued to offer me glasses of the foul liquor. At one point my wife's old man smiled at me and ruffled the hair on my head. I knew about the not touching the head thing and thought, "If you're drunk this rule is waived."

I returned the gesture.

Wrong move.

The father was older than me. He can do what he wants. Plus he was drunk. He started shouting. I didn't understand Thai then, but his demeanor suggested that he wanted to hit me with something harder than his fist. It took forever to calm him down and I swore to never touch a Thai person's head again.

My wife's brother considered the entire episode amusing and the next day gave his father a motorcycle helmet on which he had written in Thai and English 'DO NOT TOUCH'.

>Her father didn't think this joke was funny, but the helmet hangs on the wall ready for whenever I visit and at least once during the stay someone will place the helmet on the father's head.

He still doesn't think it's funny.

The New Road To Mae Sot

The Silk Roads cut across Asia and caravans carried the riches of the Orient from China and the Spice Islands. Modern man has dreamed of connecting the new cities of Indochina to India and beyond. Now the trans-Asia Highway is inching westward from Saigon to Phnom Penh.

The stretch from Siem Reap to the Thai border was horrid.

Dust in the hot season.

A mud trough during the monsoons.

Route 5 entered Thailand at Poi Pet.

Route 33 ran towards Bangkok.

The trans-Asia Highway turned north on Route 1, passing the ancient entrepots of the Silk Raod, finally turning west on 12.

Mae Sot lays on the border of Burma.

And beyond Burma.

India.

The mother of all civilization.

My Motorcycle Broke Down

Men truly are able to think of nothing.

And women think of everything.

Un Fils De Charleroi

My nephew Fabo is back in Pattaya.

On his last trip I wobbled off the motorsai taxi. He lost a lot of teeth. Fabo is from Charleroi. People don'' need much teeth in that city. Beer doesn't acquire chewing.

I wish I was in Pattaya with him.

I like drinking beer too, but not Heiniken.

Real Fake News

Over the years the mainstream media has cut back on reporters to rely on questionable news from dubious sources. Wolf Blitzer on CNN spent his time on TV for CNN before a blue screen and Bill O'Reilly pontificated on Fox News strictly offering his opinions. Neither seem to check the facts and MSM has followed suit to fill the 24-hour news stream drumming non-facts into the viewers' brains. This gap in the truth created an opening for alternative facts to flourish on the Internet.

Today the White House press secretary informed the press that Houthis rebel in northern Yemen attacked a US frigate, when they actually fired on a Saudi vessel.

Then there was a report of Islamic terrorists having burned hundreds of Nigerian Christians alive, only the photos of this horrid massacre came from a 2010 oil explosion in the Congo.

Of course who can forget WMDs.

Every war-mongering American seeking revenge for 9/11 bought that story, except there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11.

Our love for lies flourishes with our desire to believe what people want us to believe, however my stance of a conspiracy theorist has always been to seek the facts and rely on my hunches to tell a good story.

And people don't even read the stories behind the headlines.

They don't have the time or the inclination.

The Trump faithful have accepted that three million people voted fraudulently in the 2016 election giving Hillary the plurality.

The Left was brainwashed into thinking that Bernie Sanders couldn't win the presidency.

As much as I love a good headline, I love the truth more.

Especially when I'm drinking wine.

In vino veritas.

Isiah Thomas - MVP For The Boston Celtics

The Boston Celtics have been my team since the 1950s. I would lay in my bed and listen to the play-by-play radio broadcasts from Boston Garden. Johnny Most announced the game and his raspy voice transported a six year-old a hundred miles to the south. In my mind I saw Bill Russell, the Jones Boys, Tommie Heinsohn, Bob Cousy and the rest of the championship teams.

They were my heroes and in 1974 I was lucky enough to be driving taxi in Boston to support myself through college. That year the Boston Celtics were the best team in the NBA. I loved John Havilcek, Dave Cowans, Don Chaney, Paul Silas, Jo Jo White et al.

The 1980s was the Larry Bird era and we went back to the Finals with the Big Three of Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, and Kevin Garnett complemented by the QB point guard Rajon Rondo.

Two were traded to Brooklyn for a bucket of future draft picks and the team started to show promise, but nothing gelled until the arrival of #4 Isiah Thomas.

Holy Shit.

# 4 can play.

Last night he scored 44 points against a taller and tougher Toronto team to become the 2nd best in the East.

This weekend is the all-star.

And Mr. 4th Quarter wasn't a starter.

Then again neither was Russell Westbrook.

I'm all about # 4.

MVP.

IT can fly too.

The Wonders Of The Clitoris

Man has crossed deserts without water. He had sailed the seas without charts. Somehow Man has found where he was going without ever admitting he's lost. Man's greatest failure of discovery has not occurred on Earth or in Space, but his inability to find a woman's clitoris during sex.

# 1 the bud over a woman's vagina is not the clitoris, but the glan containing over 8000 nerve endings, which is twice the amount on the head of a man's penis.

The clitoris is located within the body and it wasn't until 2009 that French researchers Dr. Odile Buisson and Dr. Pierre Foldès gave the medical world it’s first complete 3-D sonography of the stimulated clitoris according to http://www.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/

So smarten up men and women.

Some things aren't where you think they are.

And that's why women fake orgasms.

Me, I fake them, because I take too long, but I always service the Holy Clitoris.

A woman will forgive you most anything, if you do your duty.

Well, not most anything.

But enough to make life easier for all parties concerned.