Moscow Street Scam

Last week Johnny Zombie sent me to Russia. Three of his company's clients were not paying this debts. He thought my visit would show that he was not forgetting or forgiving their obligations. $500/day plus expenses. I could use the money, but when I mentioned to trip to Ty Spaulding, he expressed his concern.

"Russia's not Iowa." This was in reference to my recent sojourn to the American heartland. Cornfields are not dangerous, unless if owned by Monsanto, however Hollywood has documented the threat of Russian gangsters.

"I know that." I had been stuck in Moscow airport in 1994. I had to drink 2 bottles on vodka with a Norwegian couple on the 8 hours lay-over. A near-death experience.

"Be careful. You have kids."

I heeded Ty's warning and survived the three meetings without a scratch. I didn't get drunk either. On my last day I played the tourist in Moscow. Nearing the Kremlin a man passed me. A wallet dropped from his back pocket. It was secured by plastic. Various currencies were visible. I alerted him to this loss with a shout and and retrieved the moneyclip for him. I'm basically an honest man and handed back the money. He thanked me and a clearly passer-by man said, "Good man."

The two men proceeded on their way until accosted by a third man. He quickly flashed a badge and demanded our papers. I showed him mine and he said, "Where is second packet?"

"There was only one." I realized this was a scam and my feelings were hurt to think that this trio thought I was an easy mark. They also figured I was dishonest, because this scam works best when you stick the wallet in your pocket. Guilty by greed.

"Let us see the bills in yours to check the serial numbers." The pseudo-cop was seeing this through to the end. His drunken comrade once more said, "This honest man. Good man."

"And not so stupid either. Let me see your badge again." I demanded and backed away from them. The 'policeman' didn't pull out his badge and I said, "Better luck next time."

I walked away with the trio going their separate ways, sure to reconvene for another attempt at shucking the unsuspecting tourist, whether Russian or foreign.

That was as close to danger as I came.

Other than contemplating crossing a broad Moscow avenue.

Certain death at the speeds they drive.