Ash Wednesday

Two days ago I tried to read TS Elliot's ASH WEDNESDAY
Until I reached God came in line 26
Praying for mercy
Once not a non-believer
TS turned believer once more
An Anglician
In his forties
He was
Unworthy of his God's love
His mercy
His forgiveness
This Ash Wednesday
I a devout atheist
Over 60 year
Up to St. Padraic Cathedral
With my young nephew Iggy
Non-baptized
I ask
"You want to be baptized?"
Any Catholic can perform the Holy Rite
Even a heretic
"I baptize thee___"
Next light a candle to Bridget of Clare
No donation
Briganti a pagan saint
A healer and poet
A saint an atheist can love__

Iggy and I line up for ashes
The ashes of Palm Sunday palms
Another forty days of Lent
Then Easter
Lent a time of repentance
The line moves fast
I seek not Elliot's God's mercy
Or that of God Almighty
I harbor no doubts
I know the truth
There is no God for me
I have been to the other side
To Nothingness
Now Faithful to nothingness
As Eliot is faithful
To the Blessed Virgin
In search of her color
Larkspur blue
His doubt disspelled
ASH WEDNESDAT
His words attest to his belief__
Me
Once a sinner
Now saved
Seeking no salvation from eternity
Now TS Eliot long gone
His words remain
Just like my lack of faith
Just like my devotion to no God
I shall
Not turn back to their God
Never
Because their God__
I cannot say why
But on this Ash Wednesday
In the Cathedral
In line up with the believers
And Iggy
Newly baptized by the heretic
Once an altar boy
Ahhhh__
The Old Faith
Waiting for my ashes
The young priest
A black right hand
"Repent."
Me
"Mea nonculpa mea non culpa Mea non culpa
The old altar boy does not repent
Because I remember
From whence I came
Not from ashes
I come from nothing___and there I shall return
But not on Ash Wednesday
Nor any time soon
And that I believe
Ad infinitum__

my tie is akilter

The word Islam in Arabic means 'submisssion'. The Sufis seek a nothingness through their chanting and dancing in order to fill that emptiness with Allah. TS Eliot's despair forced him to throw himself at the mercy of the Christian God.

“Lord, I am not worthy
Lord, I am not worthy
But speak the word only.”

“Where shall the word be found, where the Word
Resound? Noe here, there is not enough silence…
No place of grace for those who avoid the face
No time to rejoice for those who walk
Among noise and deny the voice.”

Maybe I am not worthy enough to reach that point to address their God adn I'm happy with that.
ps I wiped off the ashes as soon as I hit 5th Avenue.