Smoother Streets - 2013

Hundreds of ghost bikes are spread across New York City to commemorate the bikers and pedestrians killed by motorists. Biking is difficult on the city's rough road. Potholes and repairs force bikers into the path of cars and trucks. Bikers were win this contest, however I noticed over the last six months that the Brooklyn streets have been smoother. I mentioned this improvement to LA Larry at Frank's the other night and he said, "That's because Mayor Bloomberg doesn't want the CitiBikes to get fucked up on the streets. He has a piece of them you know."

Everyone in the bar nodded their assent.

"Mayor Bloomberg is no pal of mine." I hated him for the racist policy of 'stop and frisk' and the record number of marijuana arrests aimed at blacks and Hispanics. "BUt I don't see him owning the bikes."

"He don't own them, but he gets his piece." LA Larry worked for the city. He had insider poop.

"He's a billionaire."

"Don't mean he leave small change at the bar. Rich people are rich, because they take all their money."

"Amen to that." The bar was vocal in their agreement.

"Well, I'm happy that the streets are smooth." I rode back and forth to work in Greenpoint every day.

"Well, lucky you." LA Larry didn't drive a car and he did ride a bike. His mode of transportation was the subway.

"I guess I am." We clinked glasses and changed the subject to baseball.

It was World Series time and the Red Sox are in it.

Time to see how lucky I am.

Ban On Fatsos

Last night I watched the late George Carlin take fat people to task for being obese. "I use the word "fat." I use that word because that's what people are: they're fat. They're not bulky; they're not large, chunky, hefty or plump. And they're not big-boned. Dinosaurs were big-boned. These people are not overweight: this term somehow implies there is some correct weight. There is no correct weight. Heavy is also a misleading term. An aircraft carrier is heavy; it's not fat. Only people are fat, and that's what fat people are! They're fat!" Fat people hate hearing this shit, but more to the point fat people are fat. Worse is that they make excuses for being fat, such as; I'll start my diet tomorrow, I have Bad Genes, I have slow metabolism, Everyone in my family is fat, I can't stand the taste of healthy food, Why should I lose weight, I'm married, At my age, it's hard to lose weight, I want to die happy, and hundreds of other lame excuses for weighing as much as five Chinamen. I'm overweight for a couple of reasons. I drink beer, wine, and alcohol, but no thing I don't drink is that oversized bullshit soda sold at 7/11, movie multiplex, or sports arena. This week my least favorite mayor of New York attempted to ban large containers of soda. Soft drink advocates screamed out bloody murder about this dictatorial mandate and ads hit the papers stating that America is not a socialist country and there is no proof that soft drinks cause obesity. People addicted to soft drinks whined that their freedom of choice was being eroded by Mayor Bloomberg's decision without taking a look in the mirror to see the truth. America is fat and fat people cost the rest of us billions of dollars, not to mention that their sweating is one of the major causes of global warming, but if this country was really serious about losing weight than we should open our borders to cocaine, for nothing takes off the weight faster than a coke binge and cocaine really is the Real Thing.