GPS Tracking Thai GF

If you google on detective and Thailand, the search engine will come up with hundreds of sites, offering services for finding missing persons, background checks, record searches, and surveillance of foreign visitors and local residents especially Thai wives, fiances and girlfriends.

Foreign men come out to Thailand, marry a woman half their age after knowing them a week, and then wonder, "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

Some hire an investigation team.

Most major Thai cities have detectives. There used to be one office at the bridge beside World Trade in Bangkok. A small building promising satisfaction to farang and Thai alike.

Their detectives will discover that your girlfriend has had a Thai boyfriend or husband, that she still see this Thai boyfriend or husband, and that some of the money you give her ends up in his pocket, despite her saying, "We finished long ago."

More troublesome is not knowing your beloved's location, once she's out of sight.

Everyone is trackable these days with a GPS tracking system. You can stick a device on the car or motorbike for her whereabouts around Pattaya. Farther afield you can stick a bugging GPS in her telephone. She might not answer it all the time, but she will not be without it. Just remember you might not want to know where she goes, unless you're going someplace you don't want her to know where you are. Then the GPS device becomes a defensive measure.

You can visit your mia noi in peace, knowing you're wife is still at Big C or have a relaxing massage comforted that she is still in Buriram.

The other possibility is to get her an ankle bracelet that cops use to insure parolees remain under house arrest. You'll have to get it covered in gold, because your wife won't wear just anything.

Once more this is mostly to prevent your getting caught with your pants down.

But remember Thai women are geniuses when it comes to find out where you have been.

If Osman Bin Laden owed a Thai woman money, she would have tracked him down in a matter of days, instead of the ten years that it took the USA to get a clean shot at him. ps here's a website for tracking your tee-lat online. http://www.track-your-partner.com/index2.php Good hunting. photo from stickmanbangkok.com

The Perfect Thai Girlfriend

The Standard English joke about the perfect western girlfriend is that her father owned a pub, she’s 3′4″ with a flat head so you can put your beer on her.

Simple needs, but in Thailand more than likely your girlfriend’s father is distilling moonshine lao khao or rice whiskey, she’s 5-3, and there is no way any Thai will let you mess with their head even if it’s flat.

So what qualities make for the perfect Thai girlfriend?

I googled ‘perfect thai girlfriend’ and the search engine came up with over 870,000 results.

The late Mangosauce’s contribution was his reverse alchemy factor where a Thai girlfriend can turn gold into Khorat dust. Funny, but more a warning shot over the bow than a helpful hint as to what pluses might answer a farang’s fondest desires.

Thailovelinks.com promises the perfect Thai girlfriend.

The girl on the home page seemed right for me, but she’s nowhere to be found within their promo pages, plus my attraction was only physical. Being near-sighted I don’t need a beauty queen. Pretty yes, but I don’t want to fight duels over the perfect Thai girlfriend every other farang on Walking Street.

The next website was asiastreetmeat.com.

No one is looking for girlfriends on this XXX offering.

Only girlfiends who serve their sordid yearnings well.

I’ve had several Thai girlfriends. Nice everyone of them, until they weren't nice. I had my own list for the perfect Thai girlfriend.

No tattoos / Especially if it’s a heart with a name scratched out.

Minimal to zero English / Not long on the bar scene.

No cigarettes or drinking / nasty habits in a woman and especially English men cunts.

Dead Thai boyfriend / hopefully by a meteorite to the head so everyone would be scare shitless at the mention of his name.

No children / Mam and I have four. Pen Pen Fenway, Fluke, and Noi. Angie from Nu. I can deal with that number. Seven too. But I'm very happy with my two grandsons.

No internet skills / Dead give-away of a foreign boyfriend, who strangely shows up when you are leaving town. “Not worry, he only friend.”

No Gold necklaces / Another indication of sucker boyfriend, although we have to defer to Mangosauce’s theory of a Thai woman anti-Midas touch on how to turn 22K Gold into Khorat dust. elements.

Your first date should be a short-time from Soi 6 although there no more blinding passion than lust at first sight.

And penultimately of all no slash marks across the wrists / the warning sign of a true dangerous maniac. Also great sex.

Lastly she also has to be beautiful, funny, and loving.

Needless to say no such creature exists in Thailand or America or the rest of the world, because no one is perfect.

Charles de Talleyrand manipulated kings, emperors, and statesmen during the 18th Century. This eminence gris had been in love with the most beautiful and erudite woman of the Paris salons. The starlette ditched him for a captain in the Swiss Guards, who was supposedly gay. Being smart she needed a challenge. His marriage to the daughter of country gentry astounded his friends, until he confessed, “One must have loved a genius to appreciate the love of a fool.”

And I’m no different.

No matter what qualities I admire in a woman they will be never enough to satisfy my dreams, because as the the great philosopher MICK JAGGER said, “You can always get what you want, but if you try some time you might end up with what you need.”

Deviant Londoners would love to see Mr. Jimmy, except the Chelsea Drugstore is a Mickey D. fast food chain instead of a nihilistic heroin connection featured in CLOCKWORK ORANGE.

Nothing is sacred anymore, especially the profane.

Thankfully some still exist, because sometimes you don’t need nothing if you’ve been to the Chelsea Hotel, where Sid Vicious the Sex Pistols bass player was found in bed with Nancy Spungen, his girlfriend. She had been stabbed dead. Room #100.

Sid and Nancy.

Now that’s perfect love.