The Downside of Heaven

A holy man from Bali died from old age. He arrives at the Pearly Gates to be greeted by St. Peter.

"Welcome to Heaven." St. Peter leads the Balinese holy man inside.

"I thought heaven was only for Christians."

"No, no, heaven is for everyone. Over there are the Balinese. To the right the French. Back there the Muslims. Up front the Christians. Over there the Irish." St. Peter points out every segment of heaven, then as they walk through a forest, St. Peter whispers. "And over there are the Fundamentalists."

"Why are you whispering?"

"Because they think they're the only ones up here."

Read Stanley Elkins THE LIVING END

For a related article click on this URL

http://www.mangozeen.com/crack-island-by-peter-nolan-smith.htm

Freedom of No Choice for Eternity

The model from Paris has converted to Fundamentalism with a vengeance. Her eternal life dogma is based on solid belief. Only two choices allowed to all souls.

Heaven or Hell.

I asked her if there were any alternatives.

Her response "NO. Don't fight it cause there's only one way, and don't worry once you admit this believe me a huge load falls away and you get guidance from above its an amazing thing, your soul and eternity are no light matter, what difference does it make to me that you roast away in hell fire?"

Burning in hellfire.

Damn, better drink all my cold beers in the here and now.

Damn You Satan

The model from Paris shared an apartment on Ile St. Louis. Her husband paid the rent. He was an ex-legionnaire living in the South of France. She assuaged his suspicion about our having an affair by declaring at dinner on Cap d'Antibes that I was gay. In truth we were never lovers. I wasn't her type. She liked skinny painters and singers. Her face and body graced the cover of Vogue. She had her pick, but we were good friends.

"We'll get married when you're 65." She vowed over a bottle of wine at the Brasserie d'Ile.

"And you can push my wheelchair down the steps on Montmatre once I get too decrepit." I sat in the glow of the sun setting between the towers of Notre Dame. My fate seemed assured, although her recent conversion to Christianity has threatened my long-awaited demise.

Just yesterday I wrote a reminder of her promise.

"Pray for me when you push my wheelchair down the stairs. I'm nearing 65 with every breath I take."

Her response "You are nearing eternity and that's no joke buddy."

Buddy?

I think life is funny at least some of the time and wrote back, "I will embrace eternity with a smile on my face."

Atheists don't fear Hell until we get there.

Filming THE LAST QUAALUDES ON EARTH

Several years ago my doctor and I were cleaning out the medicine cabinets of his deceased father's office. It was in his parents' old house. where his old man had spent over 40 years caring for thousands of Staten Islanders. We were surprised to find three small boxes of Quaaludes. Their expiration date was 1979.

"You think they're any good?" My doctor asked examining one jar. Six pills were stuffed under a cotton ball. 'Ludes were the Eucharist of Disco. No girl could say no to them or after one or two. They were banned in 1979. To most people they were a myth.

"Only one way to find." I cracked open the jar and jiggled out one pill. It tasted like the last one I took at Studio 54. Like I needed another half. An hour later my doctor asked where I thought I was.

"In the bathroom?" Everything was so nice and fuzzy.

"You're in the living room pissing into the fireplace."

"So I guess they still work."

My doctor and I decided to save the 'ludes for a special occasion. Ten years ago. every time I tell anyone about the 'ludes they tell me a story and beg for one. I have been a strict guardian. After these are gone they will never exist again and I feel like a hunter getting ready to kill the last do-do birds.

Extinction.

My friend Randall Koral has decided to come out to Thailand to film THE LAST QUAALUDES ON EARTH. I asked about a storyline and here was his reply.

"Don't worry about movie-scripting. I have a better idea. Really simple. It'll be a docu-drama-epic-adventure. It's called "Lude: Four Days of Sex and Extinct Pharmaceuticals in Thailand" and it goes like this: You told me you had found the last three ludes on Planet Earth and I thought that sounded like a good reason to meet you in Thailand with my film gear, bringing with me the last rolls of Kodachrome 40 Super 8 film on Planet Earth. We celebrate Fenway's first birthday then we head off into the unknown. My interviews with you, with you speaking on camera about why Quaaludes and life, in general, were so great in the 1970s, will be shot in video. I'll shoot everything else — landscape, girlfriends, Thai friends, nightlife, daylife — in Super 8 with a good 1970s rock soundtrack. As long as we keep it simple it should work."

Getting your motors running.

I'm shooting for Best Short Documentary of 2010.

Holiday In Hell

A Muslim Iman dies and is astounded to be welcomed by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Sorry about the no 77 virgins. In this heaven we spend our days in the glory of God, who is non-denominational. You'll meet the truly blessed evolving into the truly blissed."

The Iman accepts this heaven in all its goodness, but after a few weeks he goes up to St. Peter and says, "Heaven is great, but all those years on Earth when I was preaching about the horrors of Hell, I was often curious what Hell was actually like."

"Pretty much as you envisioned it."

"IS there anyway I can see it?" The Iman was slightly bored with the communal utopia of Heaven.

"Of course there is." St Peter opens the Pearly Gates and points to a set of endless stairs. "You can visit Hell on a one-time visa. Two weeks. Do anything you want. You earned this holiday by all the goodness you create on earth. Get it out of your system and then return to the bosom of the Creator."

"And I can go now?"

"Anytime you want?" St. Peter walks the Iman to the stairs. He is greeted by doe-eyed houris and escorted to a bar where Jimi Hendrix is playing guitar. Hitler painting the walls and Marilyn Monroe working upstairs in the Satan a Go Go. It's all great fun and passes in the blink of an eye. The Iman says goodbye to everyone and climbs the steps to the Pearly Gates.

"So how was it?" St. Peter asks peering down the stairs.

"Not like I expected it."

"Well, at least you got it out of your system. Back to the eternity of bliss."

Unfortunately his holiday infected the Iman. He can't stop thinking about hell. Heaven is all communing with the great oneness. He goes back to St. Peter and asks if there's a way he could go back to Hell.

"Sure, but if you go you can't come back."

The Iman looks over his shoulder at the fleecy clouds and angles and prayers.

"No problem."

"See you on Judgment Day." St. Peter is all smiles and so is the Iman as he walks down the stairs, although this time the houris greet him with pitchforks. Fire laps his legs. His flesh is torn open.

"St. Peter, this isn't the Hell I knew. Why's it so different now."

St. Peter shouts, "That's the difference between going someplace on vacation and living there."

Teddy Bear Picnic

Dave Van Ronk was a growling folk singer from Greenwich Village. He played the east Coast due to a refusal to fly. His mode of travel was buses, trains, or a car driven by a young girlfriend. His bearish body hid a gentle heart which he revealed any time he performed the classic TEDDY BEARS' PICNIC

The Mayor of Greenwich Village certianly would have enjoyed the audience in the above photo.

TEDDY BEARS PICNIC

If you go down in the woods today
You're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down in the woods today
You'd better go in disguise.

For ev'ry bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

Ev'ry teddy bear who's been good
Is sure of a treat today.
There's lots of marvelous things to eat
And wonderful games to play.

Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They'll hide and seek as long as they please
That's the way the teddy bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for teddy bears
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today
Watch them, catch them unawares
And see them picnic on their holiday.

See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout;
They never have any cares;

At six o'clock their mummies and daddies,
Will take them home to bed,
Because they're tired little teddy bears.

If you go down in the woods today
You'd better not go alone.
It's lovely down in the woods today
But safer to stay at home.

For ev'ry bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic.

I couldn't find a Dave Van ronk version of this song, but check out TWLVES GATES TO THE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxAYR_mI8s8&feature=related

Clear Skies over Bangkok

Bangkok in monsoon season

21st Century Damnation

My high school scholarship was revoked after my failing religion and getting a D in German during the first semester of my sophomore year. My mother could understand the D in German. The only person in my family capable of speaking a foreign language was my Irish grandmother. Her native tongue was Gaelic. Nana took my brother and me into Boston once a month. Our first stop was St. Anthony's shrine. We lit candles for the dearly departed and then ate hog dogs at WT Grants before viewing a film a the Paramount Theater.

"What will Nana think?" my mother asked while waiting to speak with my religion teacher. Their conversation lasted about two minutes. She hung up the phone and looked at her second son with disbelief. "He said he failed you, because you don't believe in God."

"I got all As in the tests and did all my homework. I don't deserve that F."

"You don't believe in God." She was shocked to the core. The Church had burned heretics for challenging the divinity of Jesus. Atheism was an anathema for Cold War America. "Your teacher said if you recant your apostasy, he will give you a B and your scholarship will be reinstated."

My high school offered a good education. Better than the town school, but it was all-boys. Failing religion seemed like the fastest way to end my Catholic schoolboy career.

"I don't believe in God." I hadn't since my best friend Chaney drowned at the age of 8. A caring God would have helped him to shore. Te Christian god had exterminated non-believers. Genocide was wrong.

"Wait till your father gets home." These words were my mother's threat of last resort. I was scared of my father. Mostly because I wanted his love and had a tendency to fuck up. Not too much, but enough to annoy him. He was an engineer. They liked order. I waited for his arrival on the front steps. It was December. The air was cold. I almost thought about running away, but the low sky was promising snow.

Walking up to the house, he saw my face and groaned, "Now what?"

"I failed religion."

"How did you fail religion?" He was stunned by my admission yet listened to my explanation without anger. He had converted from the Episcopal Church to marry my mother. His faith was born of desire. Shaking his head he lifted me to my feet. "If that is what you believe, then that's up to you, but don't expect any Christmas gifts this year."

I got some anyway. My high school re-evaluated my stance after my uncle, a lawyer, instructed them on the freedom of speech and religion offered under the Constitution. His intervention prevented my attending a coed school. My teacher changed the F to a C. I was told to keep my atheism to myself.

And I have over the years, which is difficult in America, which has IN GOD WE TRUST stamped on coins. Friends and family are deeply religious. I tell them my lack of belief does not subtract from my spirituality. I have visited some of the most holy sites on Earth. I've read countless books on devotion. People have tried to reconvert my. I have remained true to my non-belief and was proud to hear President Obama include non-believers in his inaugural speech.

We are not a few weirdos.

Earlier this summer I was at a pool party. Two parents heard my discourse on organized religion and said that their 10 year-old son was a non-believer.

"Could you talk to him, so he knows he's not alone."

"No problem."

I said a few words, because few 10 year-old want to hear anything for a man in his 50s. I certainly didn't at his age. Of course many of my once=profane friends are finding religion as the years add up. One, an ex-model from South Africa, had been extolling the tenets of a snake-eater cult fin Oklahoma. I announced my non-believer status and she accused me of being spiritually lazy.

Sloppy maybe.

Well maybe lazy too.

Here's her last epistle in response to my discounting the dangers of 666.

Peter Nolan Smith
Seventh-day Adventists believe that the "mark of the beast" (but not the number 666) refers to a future, universal, legally enforced Sunday-worship. “Those who reject God... Read More’s memorial of creatorship — the Bible Sabbath — choosing to worship and honor Sunday in the full knowledge that it is not God’s appointed day of worship, will receive the ‘mark of the beast.’”[34] "The Sunday Sabbath is purely a child of the Papacy. It is the mark of the beast.

Actually some divinists consider the number should be 616

666 in its first century context refers to the Emperor Nero

Ex-Model from Paris.

getting off the straight and narrow with endless theological discussions, who cares, we got our good sense and Gods word, God created all this and I think in view of this is capable of guarding his word intact, no denying things are not going to get better just prepare to meet your creator, its between you and him, detractors are not whats missing and for good reason.... if you don't believe in God and his message all this is POPPYCOCK

Sounds like I'm headed for damnation.

Baby do you want to come along.

Penang Funicular Under Threat

In 1994 I was stranded in Penang, Malaysia. The magainze for which I had been writing a series of stories about SE Asia had folded without buying my return ticket to the States. I had enough money to stay at the Swiss Hotel $3/nigth, eat at the Chinese and Indian restaurants on Chulia Street, and drink beer. In those days making a phone call to Europe was difficult, but I finally reached Sam Royalle, who said he would wire the money. A week went by and then a second. I couldn't get in touch with him. I was down to my last $100 dollars and thinking about shipping out on a tramp steamer when I wire finally arrived at the bank.

I celebrated by taking the Penang Hill Funicular to the summit. The tram ascended from the ropical city to the heavily forested mountaintop> The temperature dropped at every stage and on arrival I was actually cold. A difficult proposition near the equator. The best attraction other than the view was the walk through the treetops on suspended bridges. Nothing like it in Thailand and I made a point of visiting the tram during every visa run to Penang.

But now this venerable funicular is threatened by renovation. Stations and trains to be replaced by new designs, so that the travel time to the top is a mere 10 minutes rather than the luxurious 30 minutes of the original tram.

Outcry from sentimentalist and traditionalists have protested this move as unnecessary, contenting that refurbishing would be more economically and environmentally viable.

Personally I say, "If it ain't broke don't fix it."

But then I'm an old guy and I liked most everything the way it is and that goes for me too, since I was considering a neck tuck. $6000 at a Bangkok Hospital. I intent to save the money for a motorcycle instead. That always makes an old guy look young, unless he wears leather. Then it looks like an old geezer on a bike.

Something very unnatural.

Protests aside, in Asia if something is planned and the money is there, then it's goodbye to the old, so if you're in Penang head over to the Funicular, the best ride this side of the Staten Island Ferry.

Some Old Dogs Never Sleep

Rumors continued to persist about President Obama's citizenship, despite Hawaii having issued a birth certificate in his name. The GOP opposition was so desperate in the 2008 election that they investigated his nationality without any satisfaction since the Hawaii Advertiser published the news of his birth. Verification of this rumor could have been a two-edged sword since John McCain was not born in the USA, but in Panama, although at a US Navy base.

The Canal Zone was once part of the USA.

No more, so John McCain is Panamanian by default.

It's a small world after all.

Dumb Cop Retraction

Last month I was talking to an ex-NYPD cop about the Amadou Diallo case. I offhandedly said that the officers involved in that fatal shooting were high on drugs and that the only good thing they did that fateful evening was not reload and shoot the downed African again.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. In any shooting the cops are bloodtested and that would have been published in every paper in the world if it was the case."

"I'm not so sure about that." My comment was based on a hunch rather than fact.

"You show me the proof." He was irate enough not to speak with me for the rest of the day. The police protect their own and the ranks have closed behind the Cambridge officer who arrested a Harvard professor for breaking into his own house. The rank and file have also called on President Obama to apologize for calling the incident 'stupid'.

"My sense is you've got two good people in a circumstance in which neither of them were able to resolve it the way the wanted to resolve it," Obama commented to the Press, although Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick called the arrest "every black man's nightmare."

Any with good reason.

10% of all blacks males between 24 and 29 are in prison, albeit more than a few for good reasons.

I used to lock myself out of my East Village apartment on numerous occasions. I would climb onto the roof and down the fire escape, then force open a window. It was a dangerous operation. A slip and I could have fallen 50 feet to the hard concrete, but not once did any of my neighbors called 911.

White guy doing something crazy, but one thing I learned long ago is when the cops ask you a question, it's yes officer and no officer. Obviously they hadn't taught that at Harvard. They certainly did at Boston College, but that never stopped me from being arrested by the police. The last time was in Thailand and believe me I was 'yes officering' fast I could so I didn't have to spend a night in jail.

And it worked, but probably not if I was black.

They have a hard road and no white person will ever know how hard.

S & M CIA/Thai Connection

The Washington Post has published an article claiming that the Thai government was aware of the secret CIA torture compounds at various sites throughout the country. The PM categorically denied the existence of these rendition centers for terrorists at the ASEAN summit in Phuket. His Deputy Prime Minister Suthep Thaugsuban also pronounced that the report was without value and eh was joined by the Foreign Minister in denouncing the Washington Post.

The CIA has made no comment on this subject, but it's fairly common knowledge that most governments had no idea about these rendition programs.

None at all.

See no evil, hear no evil, smell no evil.

After all the CIA destroyed all the tapes of these sessions.

So they can't really exist if it can't be seen on TV.

King Power 1968

King Power had humble beginnings at the old Don Muang Airport. These shacks served as the duty-free, selling durian fragrances and Zippo lighters. $1000 Gucci wallets and $100 eyeshadow were not available on the premises adn the salespeople greeted travelers with a real Thai smile.

Oh, for the good ole days.

Dearth of Farangs

The Wall Street Journal was crowing over the Dow Jones hitting 9000. This ebullient economic news had little effect on Thailand. The Asian Highway was empty coming down from Chai-Nat. Morchit, the main bus terminal, was quiet. The bus to Pattaya had open seats and the motorway through Bangkok offered no traffic jams. Once Thailand was one of the top ten tourist destinations for travelers.

Not anymore and the Tourist Board of Thailand announced that 2009 is shaping up to be the worst year in nearly a half-century. The Land of Smiles is getting a little long in the tooth. Today I walked down Jomtien Beach picking up hundreds on plastic bags so my son Fenway can see the sea as I saw it as a child. My effort was futile for the next high tide would deposit another million bags on the sand. At least it was clean for him.

Dirty beaches is only one part of the story. Scams, robberies, coups, political unrest, and the global malaise are to blame, plus the Thai people are exhausted from the onslaught of foreigners.

"Don't they have homes of their own."

And today Thai visa featured a story about the Penang Thai consulate refusing travelers. Small wonder no one is coming here. The welcome mat has been pulled from underneath their feet.

Some Things Never Change

Insult to Injury

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton broke her arm last month, but more painful had to be the insult coming from North Korea at the meeting of Asian leaders in Thailand. One of the Hermit Regime's diplomats called her, "A funny lady who looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping."

Obviously they are angered by Killary's usurping the same pantsuits as their Illustrious Leader and enlivening them with brilliant colors.

You wear it well.

Popularity Contest

Last month www.magnozeen.com was getting 1000 visits a day. I thought that people appreciate my entries on the good, the bad, and the in-between, however July saw a slip-off in visits. Don to 210 yesterday and I've come to the conclusion that I'm writing shit. So it's time for a change. I'm only going to write about other people without telling their names because I don't want to be sued for slander.

I can't afford to defend myself.

Not with two wives and two kids in Thailand.

Or better still is for any of the visitors to suggest a topic

Any topic at all.

I'll send the winner a tee-shirt.

Not used either.

Help me. I want www.mangozeen.com to be as popular as the Jonas Borthers' mom.

Amnesia of You

"As you get old you forget. As you get older you are forgotten."

The other day a woman sent a query to my Facebook page.

"Are you who I think you are?"

Cheyne had worked at the Milk Bar as a waitress. Cute mulatto singer from London. 21. I remembered her well. I wrote back that I had worked at the Milk Bar as the doorman. Her reply came as a surprise.

"I'm sorry I worked at the Milk Bar too, but I don't think you're the person I was thinking...It was all such a long time ago...Take care."

Not who I thought you were?

Cheyne must have wiped her memory clean of the night the little Brit accompanied back to my apartment on East 10th Street for a little wine. It was 5am. There was no questioning her purpose, however as we got out of the taxi, she said, "I've been here before."

It wasn't a case of deja vu. Cheyne had come home with my previous subleasee, a male nurse from Sweden. Ruben was a body builder. He was also into black chicks. A nice guy who always paid the rent on time. The girl entered the apartment and said, "Same as it was only Ruben kept it a little cleaner. You know I was wondering who lived here, but saw the records and figured it had to be some old hippie."

'Old hippie'.

Those two words castrated my libido. Cheyne and I did nothing but a little blow. That humbling episode was over 23 years ago. Her epistle on Facebook reveals she has forgotten about me 100% and those two words too. They were a curse, because I still listen to Quicksilver Messenger Service and Jefferson Airplane. I might not have long hair, but I am still an old hippie and a punk too.

I will never forget KICK OUT THE JAMS MOTHERFUCKERS.

'Dumb Cops'

Cops have a job. That job is to serve and protect the public. For the most part they sit in their cars cruising the streets. Hours can passed without an incident, although they are fully aware that anything can happen; a robbery, a family dispute, a shooting ad infinitum. The worst thing that can happen is to run into someone who says, "Who don't know who I am." especially when that person is a Harvard professor breaking into his own house.

What should have been a simple show of ID ended with the professor arrest for disorderly conduct. The officer didn't know that this professor was a friend of President Obama and the press would have his name all over the TV and newspapers within a heartbeat, especailly after the president called the Cambridge police 'dumb'.

Perhaps the professor had been angry. People get angry by cops confronting them on their own doorstep. I was drinking in front of my friend's gallery in New York. A police car pulled up to the curb and three cops got out with their hands on their guns. It was the first night in June without rain. The cops asked for IDs and told anyone with a beer in their hand to stand to the side.

"Is this Saudi Arabia?" One wit asked from the sideline.

"No, it's New York City and drinking out on the street is against the law." The driver of the car was adamant about this charge and gave the violators of that city ordnance a ticket. What was worse was his hostile attitude and we were all white. A black boy would have been locked up by the 5-0. Thrown in jail. And there's no doubt about that, so I can understand the professor's rage.

Over 2 million people are in jail in America. The vast majority black.

Cops aren't dumb. They're just upholding the state of things.

So President Obama wasn't wrong ain saying that arresting this professor was dumb.

I would have said it was fucking dumb.

Can't A Brother Get A Break

"I'm not black but there's a lot of times I don't want to be white." Frank Zappa on HELP I'M A ROCK.

White people had a hard time with Michael Jackson's transformation to a white person. Bizarre was most of their takes. "He was so cute as a young boy."

What they don't take into consideration is the treatment most blacks receive in the US of A, the land of the free such as in the case of Henry Louis Gates, a black intellectual who was arrested in Cambridge Mass. for disorderly conduct after breaking into his own house.

Black man white neighborhood.

Arrest quota add one old black man for the stats.

And this is the democracy the USA touts to the rest of the world.

No wonder it's a hard sell.

THe Land of the Free still has a long way to come.

And Damn!

The brother was wearing a pink LaCoste shirt.

F-22 Fighter Jet Stays on the Ground

President Eisenhower warned the US public of the 'military-industrial complex'. The coining of this term seemed better suited to a pinko than the standing GOP president. His caveat went unheeded for decades, as America expanded its global reach to every continent. The Pentagon never saw a weapon they didn't want and Congress always voted the money. Very few programs have been squashed as was the Air Force's missile-eluding F-22 Raptor fighter jets in favor of the smaller and less expensive F-35s preferred by President Obama. Air-to-air losing to air-to-ground.

Senators in key defense states are crying that jobs will be lost at a critical time by the cancellation of the F-22. A down payment on a single f-22 is over $60 million. Not to complete, but to insure the production process is greased with the right amount of federal money.

$60 million is the cost of 120,000 teaching jobs, however that doesn't even come close to what the entire defense budget could buy if it were trimmed by the White House.

$630 billion for 2009.

Or $2000 for every American man woman or child.

I could use the money, except I don't really pay too much taxes so I guess I can say much about how the Pentagon allocates its funds and that is the price of freedom.


The defense bill authorizes $550 billion for defense programs and $130 billion for military operations in Iraq and Afghanistan and for other anti-terrorist operations.

Cobra Swamp Airport Sting

The recent arrest of a British couple at Bangkok's Cobra Snake Airport has reached the ears of the BBC who has issued a warning to travellers about the dangers of being scammed at Thailand's largest airport. The couple had been arrested on charges that they had stolen a wallet from the notorious King Power Duty-Free. Security guards never found the purloined wallet. I have seen CCTV showing the woman suspiciously slipping an object into her pocketbook.

My aunt Gloria was a non-repentant kleptomaniac. She stole everything. Packs of gum. Lipsticks. Gucci scarves. She had money. Gloria stole because she liked to steal,. Her husband was a judge. I never heard of her getting caught. For years my friends used to shoplift film at duty-free shops in the airports. No one ever seemed to be watching, but the eyes-in-the-sky are manned now and these cyber-detectives are hot on the trail of any suspicious behavior.

King Power's technicians must have trained with the UK police or CIA for they have spotted many potential thieves and arrested them as a preemptive strike. I view Duty-Free as a rip[-off and avoid the shops in every airport. Various embassies are advising the same to their nationals about King Power.

Denmark warned its citizens to resist any urge to shop at Cobra Swamp Airport.

Don't look. Don't touch. Don't go.

I suggest the same to all passengers incoming and outgoing.

Gowanus Beach Club

Several weeks before my departure to Thailand Jocko Weyland told me about his project to provide the Gowanus Canal with pools by filling dumpsters with water. The idea was radical in both concept and location. The cost was minimal thanks to contributions to Macro-seas from a construction company with a surplus of dumpsters. Jocko showed me several photos of the pools. They were lined next to a building. One of them low enough to jump into the pool.

"Jocko, can I jump into the pool from the roof?"

"Er, I don't know." Jocko had concern for my possible injury, which was quite touching from the well-known skatebaorder author of THE ANSWER IS NEVER. "I'm not so sure about that, but I suppose it would be alright if you signed a release. When you want to do it?"

"Not until I get back from Thailand." I wasn't threatening my life with a trans-Pacific ticket in my hand. "I don't think anyone else would do it."

"Maybe not." Jocko was a big fan of my quarry diving story THE HOLE OF HEAVEN.

"It's only 15 feet. And there's sand on the bottom. How bad could it be?"

"Er, I don't know." Jocko was non-committal. Skaters are used to falling down hard but not from 15 feet.

"That's the only answer I need for a green light." I was pleased to think that I could jump into the water from a height. Nothing like that in Thailand or the rest of New York, unless it's someone jumping from a balcony in Pattaya or the Brooklyn Bridge. None of those jumpers want to live. Me, I want to live forever.

Go to this URL to read about the Gowanus Pool

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/20/arts/design/20pool.html?_r=2&hp

Pattaya Manifesto

Not only has England changed, but Pattaya has metamorphosed from a neglected backwater to a premier destination for lager louts around the world. The green coconut farms are replaced by sardine-can houses, traffic jams stop traffic on 2nd Road, and the bars are filled with assholes.

Mostly I hang out with Thais drinking beer.

Sam Royalle also thinks the city has worsened and proposed a manifesto to rectify the situation.

Firstly UK government should stop issuing passports to UK citizens to they can't come here. Other Euro nations should follow suit.

Secondly a world wide ban on travel would be good for the environment. Everyone stays in the country they are in as from today perfect answer to the world's problems. Only travel allowed is on wooden ships.

Most farangs would have to leave. Sam figures we could run a lao khao or rice whiskey factory. Pattaya city council would enforce certain rules.

Paying a bar fine becomes illegal, all bar girls get a minimum government wage of 20k a month as long as they sleep with us. Beer is free. All pussies must be shaved, virgins must be initiated by a farang, all girls over 25 must be 3 holers, complaining is a capital offence, toilet paper and bum sprays are banned instead we each have our own arse licker / cleaner that lives in the bathroom.

I mentioned to him that this seems a little misogynistic.

"I don't know what that word means, but it's banned from my vision of Babylon on Earth."

He looked at me with an evangelical beam in his eyes.

Babylon on Earth.

One man's vision.

So far away.

For related subject, click on this URL

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Rescue from Above

Business in Thailand is a mirror of America only more dire. No tourists. No jobs in hotels, restaurants, or bars. The villages are repopulated by returnees from Bangkok and the resort areas. Many Thais think that Thaksin can right the situation within hours of his return. They obviously have little grasp of the economic disaster constricting trade around the world. Even neither do the media experts such as Reuters who have touted the possible arrival of megaships from Israel to stem the downward slide.

Big ships need big cargoes.

Simple math until discounting that big ships buy at cheap rates especially when owned by Israelis.

Better for the Thais to look to the stars and call down UFOs to take the place of the disappearing farangs. Maybe they'll be suckers for the 'sick buffalo' story too.

Solutions for Two Places at One Time

My friends have quite aware of my two-wives dilemma in Thailand. They sense the strain of having to magically be two places at once. Their faith in my powers of bi-location are strained by the logistics of distance and solutions have been forthcoming from all parties concerned. The most ruthless suggest that I abandon one family. This is not a possibility. There are children involved in the equation. Others have proposed that I tell my wives the truth, except I don't know actually what truth I want to tell them. A majority have said the best answer would be to have both women live with each other to save time and trouble and money.

None of these options offer a safe out, so I'll continue to play the coward's game and be two places at once by being three. Neither in Chainat with wife #1 or NaJomtien with my mia noi.

I'm ready for a quiet night's sleep in Bangkok.

Away from both.

Telling each I'm with the other when I'm actually with neither of them.

I'll be with the old Roue of Soi Nana instead and he never cares where I lay my head.

Mia Noi DNA

Thailand is a surprisingly puritan country. Buddhist tenets demand propriety on all levels of life. Most people succeed in keeping the straight and narrow, however many men lose interest in their first wives and take up with mia nois or small wives. When my wife left to go up country, obstentively to care for an ailing brother-in-law (He actually had a serious motorcycle accident while going to help his brother with a sick buffalo), I was left alone in Pattaya, the last Babylon. A month passed without her return. Then two and three. My friends, Thai and farang, said she had left me for another man. I drove up there unannounced to see for myself.

No man in sight and I checked the house, but my wife wasn't coming back to Pattaya. She hated the town. The go-gos, the crime, and the dust. Ban Nok was her home.

"You live here."

"And do what?" I was too old to work a rice paddy. My business of selling counterfeit Ferrari shirts only worked in Pattaya. I bid her good-bye and returned to the tawdry beach town. Within a week I met Mint. She was 22. Skinny and willing to have a boyfriend full-time. I was old enough to be her father and wise enough to realize that everything she was telling me was a lie. I never asked questions and my wife stayed up country. Everyone was happy until Mint got pregnant.

"It's yours."

"Mine."

"Yours."

And we had a child. He looks a little like me with two arms and two legs. I'm willing to support him as my son. I'm easy going that way, but Mint said I want you do DNA test.

"Why?" I didn't care about his genes.

"Because everyone always asking me why he not look like farang. I know he yours. Only you. I have sex only with you." She was crying and explained that her family thought she had betrayed me. "Not true."

I told her that we would do a DNA test, if it would make her feel better.

"I not like to be mia noi, but worst not like someone think your son no good."

I don't like that either, but I have to admit I never heard any Thai girl using this tact to regain your trust. Cleverer than us by half.

Home By Christmas

The Pentagon has announced the capture of an American soldier by the Taliban in Afghanistan. The young man supposedly walked off base with 3 Afghani soldiers, although there were also reports that he had lagged behind a patrol. A video was released by the Taliban on which the soldier admitted, "I'm scared I won't be able to go home."

He added later in the 28 minute interview, "Yo my fellow Americans who have loved ones over here, who know what it's like to miss them, you have the power to make our government bring them home. Please, please bring us home so that we can be back where we belong and not over here, wasting our time and our lives and our precious life that we could be using back in our own country. Please bring us home. It is America and American people who have that power."

The Pentagon was quick to comment that exploiting a soldier in this video was a violation of international law. Somehow that same international law was never applied to enemy combatants during the GW Bush years.

Next we'll be hearing that the USA does not deal with terrorists.

Political flaks know what to say when they don't know what to do.

Talk talk talk.

Two Places at One Time

I have two wives in Thailand. Two kids too. One with each woman. This situation was manageable over the last year, since I was in New York and they were in Thailand. My predicament became more convoluted the day I took a flight to Bangkok. I would have to be two places at once and these two places in Thailand were 300 kilometers apart. The first week was easy. I told wife #1 that I was in New York. For week #2 I left wife #2 to see wife #1. Not the most ideal solution, but one wife #2 accepted for the short run. I thought to myself this commuting between wives might work like it had when I was living in Thailand.

Wishful thinking, for wife #2 objected to my second trip up north with the vehemence of a burning viper.

"Why I waste time wait for you? You go see another woman."

"I don't sleep with her." Wife #1 and I haven't experienced conjugal relationship for over 5 years. No one believes me. Not my friends and certainly not my mia noi.

"You not sleep with her. Why you stay with her?" Nothing like anger to make a beautiful woman get old.

"Because I don't want to hurt her."

"You hurt me." This assault continued throughout two days without stop and I looked back on my stay in Palm Beach last year with fondness, but not because I was staying in a mansion or driving a Benz. The house was empty of food, the car was a gas guzzler, and my finances were shot. Instead this was a period of peace and calm. No one yelling in my ear.

"I meet you I young. Now you make me old." Wife #2 was acting shrewish with good reason. She had been the Belle of Soi 6. Men threw money at the feet of her bed. I asked her to be patient, as I was packing my bag. "Everything will work out."

"Everything work out? How? My young years going fast. Where they go?"

"I wish I could tell you." In truth I forgot where my youth went, I'm more concerned where my middle-agedom has disappeared in these times. Still I refuse to think of myself as old. That is something I'll never call myself. I leave that term up to wife #2. She knows how it cuts the skin. At 25 she is right. Young is going fast, but that isn't a problem for me. I still think of her as young and always will. What else can a man my age do?

Find someone younger?

Too tired for that task.

I walked out the door and said I'll be back.

"Maybe I not here."

"Maybe not, but I doubt it." It was low season and low season in 2009.

No one was going anywhere this year, except me to visit wife #1 and my daughter.

Ban Nok here I come.

Thaksin Bio

His Excellency Police Lieutenant Colonel Honorable Professor Sir Dr. Thaksin Shinawatra, M.A.(Eastern Kentuckistan University ), Ph.D.(Sam Houston State University), Blah Blah Blah! is the ex- Prime Minister of Thailand and the leader of the Shocker organization [[1]]. As head of the Neo Shocker alliance [[2]] which controls (among others) Thailand's Super Heroes movement [[3]], he was the richest man in Thailand before transferring ownership of the alliance to his family, maids & drivers.

Nobody knows when he was born, but it is said that he emerged from hell on July 26, 1949. He has various nicknames such as "Maew", "Takky", "Ai Liam", "Toxin", "Chayote", and "Ai Hia".

* Thaksin Shinawatra's Education - trained as a tour guide for Satan at Hell University before appearing on planet Earth
* Thaksin Shinawatra's favorite fruit is chayote or ฟักแม้ว or if you pronounce it in Thai it's read FuckMaew(Maew = Taksin's nickname).
* Thaksin Shinawatra 's favorite food is deep fried chayote-tops in oyster sauce or ยอดฟักแม้วผัดน้ำมันหอย.
* Thaksin Shinawatra most distinguished and recognizable feature is his square face.(หน้าเหลี่ยม)
* Thaksin Shinawatra has the leading role in the most popular Korean drama series Daek Jung Meung [[6]]. The series is now on-air on every channel in Thailand.
* A soap opera "Ta Du Dao, Thao Tid Din", ตาดูดาว เท้าติดดิน , is scheduled to on-air on TV7 channel [[7]], the highest rating TV channel in Thailand. The series was adapted from Thaksin Shinawatra 's autobiography ตาดูดาว เท้าติดดิน [live the simple life, aim high]. Thaksin Shinawatra and his wife approved the scripts and chose the leading actor and actress by themselves. The series production has been finished for years but does not have the confirmed broadcast schedule yet. [[8]]

Thaksin Shinawatra 's Life & Family

The Shinawatra family, formerly known as the Cheng family came to Thailand, from South China. Their ancestors were private tax collectors, known for rackateering/collecting protection money. Amongst their Tax Investigations they visited gambling dens where people played cards and smoked opium. These places paid private tax to the Shinawatra family to avoid "accidents" and donated supplies of opium that his ancestors channelled into the houses of Ace Jack King and Queens. Investigator: Erik Young - United Nations Human Rights Ambassador Member State Assistant

His wife, Potjaman Shinawatra, a.k.a Or-Yai or Nai Ying, has long supported him both on the political front stage and in the Neo Shocker organization back stage. They had 3 children together.
* Panthongtae Shinawatra - Khun Oak, studied in Triam Udom Suksa [[9]], Thammasat University [[10]] and Ramkhamhaeng University [[11]], but nobody knows where he actually graduated from, if anywhere. He is believed to be gay and is still addicted to various drugs.
* Pinthongtha Shinawatra - Khun Ame. She was admitted to Kasetsart University's special program, but was accidentally transfered to study in the regular program which all other student had to pass the nationwide entrance exam to do. Eventually, she graduated from Kasetsart University [[12]], and is now studying in the UK. Perhaps she will be accidentally transfered to another university again.
* Praethongtharn Shinawatra - Oong-Ing, Thaksin Shinawatra 's favorite child. She is studying at Chulalongkorn University [[13]]. She got into this famed university with big help from a fax machine. Ironically, many of the professors at her university signed an open letter asking her father to resign. She was seen cheating on exams, but the worst that happened was she got a C.

Thaksin Shinawatra once said he would like to be the founder and the 1st chairman of TMA-TWAT (Thai Men Afraid of Their Wife Association of Thailand)

[edit] Thaksin Shinawatra's Habitat

The private residence of His Excellency Police Lieutenant Colonel Dr. Thaksin Shinawatra and his family is Baan Jan Song MA (Thai - บ้านจันทร์ส่องหล้า). It is located on Soi Charansanitwongse 69, Bangkok Noi, in the western part of Bangkok.

The property was up for sale in 2002. Both Mr Shinawatra and the real estate agents failed to mention that someone had threatened to blow up the house. It was on the market for 100 million baht at the time.

In early 2007 Thaksin purchased another property with a backyard near Kingston-upon-Thames Surrey UK, complete with BMW (Black Magic Woman). Mr Shinawatra also bought a Mercedes because it makes him feel like he is inside a woman. For some reason everyone in Kingston Surrey, especially the mothers, give him one of those facial looks "oh no it's you Shinawatra" as though they don't like him living near them. The kids glued a Steve Mcqueen poster on his back door and he don't feel safe there anymore and is going to China to live.

How I will donate all my wealth back to Thailand

1. Fax all my offshore bankers and instruct them to wire transfer all funds to The Bank of Thailand

2. Instruct lawyer to instigate a Mareva Injunction and an Anton Piller Order upon all major world banks in case I forgot where I hid some of the money

3. Explain to the Oxford Dictionary that a Thesaurus for the word Shinawatra is 'A poor man who was a successful gangster'

4. Quickly buy a Tuk Tuk so I will have a new income stream and rename myself Kato after Pink Panther Servant so nobody recognises me and I get some customers

5. If Tuk Tuk plan fails have an Afro perm and move to Kingston Jamaica and join the Yardies

6. Invade Singapore and make myself King
Why Mr Shinawatra joined the Thai Police

I only applied for a joke because I like shooting and chasing girls. I was surprised I was accepted because I didn't realise I was corrupt.

This info is tnaks to Uncyclopeida

http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Thaksin_Shinawatra

NO GUNS ALLOWED

The last Asean summit in Thailand was disrupted by thousands of red-shirted Thaksin supporters bent on the reinstatement of their deposed leader. This week they issued a formal request to US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to cancel her attendance since the current Thai government came to power through a coup. Ms. Clinton has responded to this request by saying, "I will not accept a letter from a terrorist."

The UDD supporters were miffed by this answer since they have been attempting to bring the present Foreign Minister up on charges of terrorism stemming from the PAD closure of Cobra Swamp airport. The situation warmed up in Chiang Mai when hundreds of red-shirts surrounded a police station after a sympathizing radio announcer was arrested in the Chiang Mai airport with a gun in the boot of his car.

When I first arrived in Thailand I loved the signs at hotels and restaurants NO GUNS OR GRENADES ALLOWED. I thought they were jokes, but was assured by everyone that the country was awash with weapons left over from the Viet-Nam War. Most were held by the minions of druglords, although I've seen plenty of guns in Thailand. The men are violent. Killers can be only 15 years old. I stay away from any sign of trouble with a fervor. It's none of my business.

No charges have been filed at the moment against the radio broadcaster, but the police are ever vigilant against any attempt of Thaksin supports to seize control of an airport. An open door could be Thaksin's entry into Thailand. His birthday is July 26 and men like him usually get themselves big birthday presents.

No Hands on The Wheel

One of my greatest fears about living in Thailand was getting hit by a car while crossing Sukhumvit in Pattaya on my motorcycle. The three traffic lights on that major thoroughfare are magnets for rear-end collisions, t-bones, head-on mash-ups, and any combination of those three involving pedestrians, cars, and motorbikes. The possibilities are endless and this morning, as I merged from Soi Wat Boom I slowed down to allow a woman driving a pick-up to execute a u-turn from the signal. She was speaking on her cell phone. This practice has superseded drunk driving as the greatest danger on the road and this woman piled into the rear of a motorbike, knocking the driver flat onto the asphalt. I pulled over to the side and yanked the bike off him. Trying to get the bike and man to the sidewalk proved a challenge as northbound vehicles disregarded our raised hands to skirt the accident.

If he had been traveling at speed, this collision could have been fatal. He was lucky to come out of it with a few scraps. The woman apologizes profusely to the injured party and the onlookers scowled at her, as if to say, "Where's your money?'

The man thanked me and I drove off every more careful to avoid becoming a statistics of the Thai Road Wars.

Yes I Would

Pattaya Redux

"Have you lost your Pattaya fever?" My friend Chas asked in his air-conditioned office on Sukhumvit Road. He had been a resident here for over 20 years. His Internet service company was doing well, despite the current economic downturn. His wife had cut her hair. The boyish coif was very attractive. He was a lucky man.

"Not really." I had two wives here. A kid with each. I moved back to New York after six years here to earn enough money for both families. This was my first visit in a year.

"Reading Mnagozeen I sensed a little disenchantment." Chas ordered us cappuchinos.

"My life isn't the same as before." I had a flourishing Internet business. A nice house off 3rd Road. I wasn't hurting anyone. "Now I'm a tourist instead of a resident. My days in paradise are shorter now."

"You could always come back and live here."

Chas had survived hard times in Pattaya. I probably could have too, except neither of my wives were too supportive. #1 wanted money and strangely enough so did #2. Not many other reasons for a woman in her 20s to be with a 50ish man, although some woman still consider me sexy in the right lack of light.

"Maybe I should have stayed, but it feels like Pattaya's time has come and gone."

"Not at all, mate." Chas beamed with the happiness of a man who has found his niche in life to be very comfortable. "You have to get it together in the States and come back out for another try."

"What and teach?" 30K a month for keeping spoiled beasts from burning down the school.

"No, there are plenty of other jobs."

"Like running a go-go bar?" Same Royalle offered a position as manager of his new bar. 60K/month plus commissions on the barfines and drinks. Maybe 100K in total. Almost enough. "Only one problem."

"You butterfly around too much?"

"No." I was relatively faithful to my wives. "I tend to drink and at a bar I tend to drink more. My body couldn't handle more than 6 months in a go-go. Not to mention having to listen to 40 girls' problems and stupid farangs all night."

"Maybe you weren't cut out to be a pimp?"

"I'm not saying that." Pimp would look good on my CV "Just I'd like to do something straight."

"You weren't always that way."

"Getting arrested by the Thia police tends to narrow the path."

"Arrested?" Chas laughed with derision. "You were held in custody for two hours. You sat in an air-conditioned office with beer. The police put you on national TV. Your bail was only $1000. No one asked you for a bribe. That's not being arrested."

"It was awfully easy."

"I'll say." Chas knew from his experience of being held by the Bangkok police due to a case of mistake identity. They thought he was who he was and Chas told them that he might be, but he had never done whatever they thought he had done. It was all a set-up by his business partner, but Chas had to spend a night in jail. "I paid $20US for a chair. No fans. No beers. No nothing."

"Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about." Chas proposed a rendezvous with our old crew. Walking Street and go-gos. "When a man's tired of Pattaya, then he's tired of life."

"I might have a few more lap dances in me."

Any man would once he hit the street without his missus.

What happens in Pattaya happens in Pattaya and nowhere else. I don't even bother to tell my stateside friends what, because they would believe me and neither do I some of the times.

H-Bomb Fear-Mongering from the Porsche Reich.

The Manhattan Project was in a desperate race with Nazi Germany to develop an atomic bomb. The 3rd Reich ran out of time when the Soviet Union captured Berlin. The USA was able to use this ultimate weapon on the Japanese, wiping out Nagasaki and Hiroshima. The only two cities ever obliterated by nuclear weapons. The reality of an atomic holocaust hung over the world during the Cold War. The collapse of the Soviet Union reeled back the possibility of world-wide destruction only to be replaced by the fear of Islamic terrorists creating a bomb and ever since GW Bush's declaration of the Axis of Evil the world press has been leaking stories about Iran approaching nuclear bomb capability.

The latest rumor-mongering was leaked from the Germany's foreign intelligence agency BND saying that Iran would be nuclear-armed within 6 months. The BND dismissed this report in STERN and said that Iran wouldn't be able to make a bomb for years. This information is backed up by the many different sources, except for the Israelis who fear the Islamic Republic of Iran more than a BBQ of pork baby back ribs being served to a Hassidic wedding party.

A-bombs and pork. Terrible and tref.

What ever happened to Naziphobia?

Does the world really think that they went away forever?

Or are they making spaceships on the dark side of the moon.

Swine Flu Fever

Ted Nugent had a big hit with CATSCRATCH FEVER IN 1979. No songs have hit the charts about the recent outbreak of Swine Flu, but the neo-pandemic has spread across the globe with alarming speed and TV sensationalism is having a hard time keeping pace with government response.

Schools have been closed after students are infect. With good reason for the young are at risk. My daughter's school in Thailand was shut after two students were suspected sick. She couldn't have been happier. Angie hates school.

The Thai government has called for the closure of Internet cafes as possible breeding grounds for the flu and have set up two answer centers to quell any outbreak of panic. Neither system is online yet, but the ministers have announced that they will be soon without informing the populace what actually are the symptoms of Swine Flu

I had a bad bronchial infection in May. It wasn't Swine Flu.

Swine Flu is like influenza; fever, coughing, headaches, pain in the muscles or joints, sore throat, chills, fatigue and runny nose. Diarrhea and vomiting have also been reported in some cases. Accroding the NEw Enlgand Journal of Medicine the people most at risk are those 65 years and older, children younger than 5 years old, pregnant women, and people of any age with underlying medical conditions, such as asthma, diabetes, obesity, heart disease, or a weakened immune system.

Treatment in most cases is fluids, rest, and more rest.

Any signs of complications should necessitate a visit to the hospital to be of the safe side, but is this the plague. Not so far. Thailand has reported 4,057 cases of swine flu with 13 fatalities.

The Ukraine one case. Let us all flee to Kiev. It's a nice city and the beer is cheap.


Ted Nugent had a big hit with CATSCRATCH FEVER IN 1979. No songs have hit the charts about the recent outbreak of Swine Flu, but the neo-pandemic has spread across the globe with alarming speed and TV sensationalism is having a hard time keeping pace with government response.

Schools have been closed after students are infect. With good reason for the young are at risk. My daughter's school in Thailand was shut after two students were suspected sick. She couldn't have been happier. Angie hates school.

The Thai government has called for the closure of Internet cafes as possible breeding grounds for the flu and have set up two answer centers to quell any outbreak of panic. Neither system is online yet, but the ministers have announced that they will be soon without informing the populace what actually are the symptoms of Swine Flu

I had a bad bronchial infection in May. It wasn't Swine Flu.

Swine Flu is like influenza; fever, coughing, headaches, pain in the muscles or joints, sore throat, chills, fatigue and runny nose. Diarrhea and vomiting have also been reported in some cases. Accroding the NEw Enlgand Journal of Medicine the people most at risk are those 65 years and older, children younger than 5 years old, pregnant women, and people of any age with underlying medical conditions, such as asthma, diabetes, obesity, heart disease, or a weakened immune system.

Treatment in most cases is fluids, rest, and more rest.

Any signs of complications should necessitate a visit to the hospital to be of the safe side, but is this the plague. Not so far. Thailand has reported 4,057 cases of swine flu with 13 fatalities.

The Ukraine one case. Let us all flee to Kiev. It's a nice city and the beer is cheap.

For more info on Swine Flu go to this site

http://www.medicinenet.com/swine_flu/article.htm

Airtrain to Cobra Swamp

The Airtrain to Suvarnabhumi Airport was scheduled to open this year. The operators have released another opening date of sometime in the 2nd quarter of next year. Siemens the system co-engineers say that they have tested the train several times and airport employees were given a free ride on Tuesday, however the 150 baht express fare would be out of most of their range, while the 45 cite line fare would only be 45 baht one way.

No one is saying when it will really open.

Anyone who has seen the Hopewell Monument knows nothing is done in Thailand until it's really done.

Knockout Romance

These images were accompanied by the Thai words: DO YOU KNOW? Coke+Ajinomoto Can be Used to Rape Ladies.

This rumor has been circulating through the Internet by non-scientific bloggers as if it were the truth. Coke and Ajinomoto have denied any link to date rapes, although some people's physical make-up would be more susceptible to the effect of MSG, but if it really worked than thousands of Asian women would b e passing out at every cheap noodle stand throughout the Orient.

Coke and Ajinomoto are almost inseparable at food stalls.

Better yet the two companies are linked in corporation so I'm glad to see anything bad happen to Coca Cola until they push for the re-introduction of cocaine in their beverage. That truly was the secret ingredient.

Thailand Where?

Americans' navigational powers for surfing TV may be legendary, however they are notoriously bad with geography. Not only haven't they a clue as to the location of foreign countries, but many can place New York City on a USA map. This problem was highlighted by a Youtube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1DRdGjOzwA in which common folks on the sidewalks are asked from which country would be the best to invade Iran.

They had no idea where Iran was, but even highly educated politicians are subject to this ignorance as witnessed by the Thai PM's website, in which he claims several parts of Cambodia as belonging to Thailand.

Siem Reap, Battambang and Preah Vihear were all mentioned on www.ilovethailnd.com as having been annexed by Thailand in 1794 and then forcibly returned to Cambodia by the 1907 Franco-Siamese Treaty. Many border areas of Thailand are still Khmer speaking, but none are restive for release from the Thai way of life.

Still nothing like raising the specter of nationalism to gain support for your government.

It worked fopr Hitler and just as well for GW Bush.

And no one does copies as good as the Thais, unless it's the Chinese.

The above map is from 1698. Not much sense in going to those records. Unless you want to redraw the entire map of SE Asia.

Dash Snow RIP

Dash Snow a young New York artist passed away thanks at a Hotel in Lower Manhattan. He joins the ranks of Jean-Michel Basquiat, Jimi Hendrix, and thousands other lesser known heroin users who miscalculated that last shot. Addicts throughout New York sought out the fatal brand for its strength. They would be smarter in this mix than the young man whose death was reported on Facebook seconds after the police announced the news. No more time to be out of the loop in this modern world. The body can't even cool to a morbid state before everyone is waxing on the loss. No more silently going out into the night.

All is known by all.

Unless you are unknown and then your demise is granted the grace of neglect.

"As you get old you forget, as you get older you are forgotten."

Only the good lookign corpses get the press.

Feets Don't Fails Me

Thailand's deposed PM narrowly escaped arrest in neighboring Malaysia, where he was awaiting a connecting plane to the island of Fiji. His supporters were relieved by his evasion capture, but from what I read about Fiji in Paul Theroux's Oceania I don't think Thaksin will stay their long. Bad food and sun-burnt Japanese honeymooners ignored by hostile islanders. Certainly not the ex-Manchester City owner's style.

The circle is closing the fugitive and his plan to seek royal clemency has been been declared illegal by the all-powerful privy council, due to the fact that Thaksin has to serve time to receive a pardon.

So for the future he's a man on the run.

And that cost money.

Big money.

When the Shah of Iran was hiding in Panama, the leader of that country charged him $1 million a day

No one's rich enough to not be hurt by that tax.

Not even Ai Hii.

Nick alias for the runner.

Go Get 'Em

The GOP has been attacking President Obama on a number of issues ranging from his economic stimulus to his backing of the ousted Honduran president. Obama had been criticized during his nomination process for not battling Hillary Clinton's negative ads. Some pundits deemed him too soft. This week the gloves were dropped with AG Eric Holder announcing that his staff would be seeking out information on the White House involvement with torture.

The first target; Dick Cheney.

The ex-VP has stated his views on torture on more than one occasion.

Most famously "I believe that waterboarding doesn’t fall under the Geneva Conventions and that it’s not a form of torture. But you know, it goes back to the Spanish Inquisition.”

One suspect was waterboarded over 100 times by the CIA.

They called it "water-boarding 101'.

The suspect talked each and every time, although he also lasted over two minutes twice.

I'm sure that Dick Cheney had seen tapes if not personally presided over torture session during his mysterious disappearances from Washington, so I'm all for the present AG going after him for crimes against humanity.

Go Get 'em.

Why We Fly

My defriending on Facebook due to my accusation of 'reporters' publishing accounts of the Airbus out of Brazil having received bomb threats thereby proving the plane was probably a victim of a 'terrorist' attack was to be expected. People have heard too many lies to listen to the truth, however this week the ghouls of the Internet published several photos of the plane's last moments. Of course they had been photoshopped, but enough enough believe they were true just like the FBI found 911 pilot Mohammad Atta's intact passport at the foot of the collapsed tower and the single-bullet theory.

Still the other day I was on a 747 over Siberia. The jet was fighting turbulence and the wing was waggling with every gust. I sat staring out the window wondering, "What keeps this plane up in the air?"

Thrust and aerodynamics.

I'm not buying those laws of physics anymore.

They maintain their airfitness by anti-gravity devices hidden in the jets.

Alien technology at its best.

King Power Scam

Andrew Drummond reports online that over 160 tourists have been scammed by King Power over the past few months. Sales staff have called police after tourist have wandered out of their sales area in the kilometer-long gauntlet of duty-free shop in Cobra Swamp Airport. Despite King Power's refuting the charges against two British citizens with a video of the supposed theft ( http://www.kingpower.com/2009/index.php#), the accused state unequivocally that they paid for the disputed item. Andrew Hammond's articles on this matter seem to uphold their protestations as does the settlement of the problem outside the normal court process.

Sin bon of 100,000 baht to walk free without any charges.

Do not go to jail. Go home.

King Power's way of saying Pai ke kii.

Which doesn't translate well into English.

To read Andrew Drummond's reportages on this matter go to this URL

http://www.andrew-drummond.com/2009/07/05/irish-scientist-escapes-thai-airport-shoplifting-charge-in-flight-to-freedom/

The Truth will set you free, but a chunk of change will set you free faster.

Always Tell the Truth

During my trip through the American Midlands my British friend and I met up with Colonel Rockford ret. in Iowa City. We started the evening drinking in a sports bar. We went outside to smoke and I overheard a trio of fat Midwesterners disparaging the President. My feelings about GW Bush are well-known, so I let them vent their frustration, however when one said that 'this country was founded on Conservative values'. I stormed over to say, "This country was founded on life liberty and the pursuit of happiness, so shut the fuck up about 'Conservative values'."

"What about the Freedom of Speech?" Colonel Rockford was a firm believer in speaking your mind as long as it was everyone else thought. He held that most people should speak much more than that.

"Fuck the Freedom of Speech?" I was more than angry after eight years of hearing Conservatives bullshit about family values. "I'll say what I want and I'll tell anyone to shut up when I want too. That's my Freedom of Speech."

"I don't think I saw that in the Constitution." My British friend politely interject and then added, "And to be truthful this country is very conservative. Look at what happened to your Senator Gary Hart in 1988."

"Gary Hart?" I hadn't thought about the Colorado senator in years.

"Yes, he was the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination in the 1988 election." My British friend's erudite tones had the rest of the smokers listening to his every word. "Right up to the moment when the Miami Herald published photos of Donna Rice sitting on his lap."

"On the yacht MONKEY BUSINESS." Colonel Rockford had a good memory for a man in his early-60s.

"Aptly named. The Senator denied there was an 'hanky-panky'. Even his wife said the relationship was innocent."

"The wife is always the last to know." Colonel Rockford lit another cigarette.

"His poll rankings sunk to the point where he only received 4000 votes in the New Hampshire primary,. but if he had said, "Sure I screwed her and so would you all, Gary Hart would have gotten every male vote and free love vote in America. And despite what some of you think." My British friend was staring at the three Conservatives with pity. "People in America and the rest of the world are sinners. Not Conservative, but fun-loving happiness seekers. But no one likes a liar other than those people who don't want to look at themselves in a mirror."

We returned to our drinks and my British friend said, "America may be Conservative but most Americans thought that Gary Hart's indiscretion had little to do with his ability to be president."

"But they got Dukakis to run against Bush." I remembered the photo of Dukakis' head sticking out of a tank. He wouldn't have looked just as silly with Donna Rice on his lap.

"Now that was one unsexy guy." Colonel Rockford shivered with the memory of that election. "I voted Communist that year. Gus Hall I think. And he was even more unsexy. All Gary Hart had to have done was say, "I fucked her and so would you." and he would have been president like your English friend said."

"The truth will set you free."


And as for having sex with Donna rice in 1987.

You bet I would have and I wasn't even running for President.