Men like to joke that they are lesbians.
"I only like to watch."
Lesbians don't find this humor funny and I've stopped saying it, but rejecting my lesbian persona hasn't stopped the overwhelming percentage of the world's male population from fantasizing about the existence of an all-women world like those 1960s science-fiction movies such as QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE. Their eyes study the night sky for Mylar-clad vixens from Venus, however other male obsessions are more earth-bound as proven by a Chinese newspapers reportage on a Swedish town of all women.
Men are banned from its confines and women are free to engage in lesbian pleasures to their hearts' content. Chako Paul supposedly was founded in the boreal forests north of the Arctic Circle. The thousands of denizens are protected by Amazon guards given orders to beat any male trespassers to near-death. Swedish officials have no knowledge of this town, despite many searches by amateur explorers addicted to lesbian sex.
These rumors abound in myth.
The boys in my hometown told of a stone quarry, Josephine, where girls swam naked. Any intruders would be trussed up by vines and then dragged across the stony ground by a rope attached to their penis. Everyone had a tale of someone's friend suffering this fate. It was strictly legend.
Several lesbians have told me about all-female gathering in the woods of Michigan.
The Michigan Womyn's Music Festival has been run since the 1970s. Its focus is more political than sexual, but all sex is political. Domination and submission as I learned while hitchhiking down the Pacific Coast Highway in 1974.
I had left Monterrey behind for the redwoods along the PCH. The air was cleansed by the tall pines and sea breezes. The road was sparsely traveled for late-May. Few drivers wanted to stop for a longhair. I had food in my bag plus a few joints. Night as falling fast and I almost gave up on getting a ride.
A red Ford pick-up stopped on the shoulder. Two hippies jumped from the back and ran into the forest. This strange behavior unsettled me. EASY RIDER had warned the counterculture about redneck revenge. I readied to bolt into the trees, except two smiling women sat in the front of the pick-up.
"Where you going?" The passenger was cute. Maybe 22. Brown hair covering half an impish face.
"Us too, but we're thinking about camping out in the redwoods tonight." The redheaded driver was a little heavy. Nothing like Mama Cass. They both wore overalls without bras. "You wanna drink some wine with us?"
"Sure." I liked wine and camping in the woods. I threw my bag in the back and we bought two gallon jugs of wine at the local grocery store. The girls flirted with me like we were old friends. There was no confusing their intentions and we headed into the forest to find a remote redwood grove. Whatever they had planned for the evening was better executed beyond prying eyes.
They cooked a vegetarian meal over a fire of redwood branches. The smoke curled up into the columns of ancient trees. We drank the wine from the jug and set up a comfortable seating area with our sleeping bags. The flames cast sly shadows on the girls' faces. After the first joint they took off their boots. Owls hooted overhead. They pretended to be scared and wrestled me to the ground. The large redhead pulled off my shirt. Her lithe friend stripped off my jeans. I was naked and within a second they were too, but instead of kissing me they embraced each other with a fervor I had only seen on the silver screen at porno theaters in Boston's Combat Zone.
"Join us." The redhead took hold of my penis and guided my erection inside her. We had sex for several minutes. Her vagina was too big for me and her girlfriend pushed me off to insert her fist.
"Fuck me now."
I finished within the smaller girl within a minute. They would not accept a flaccid penis in their presence and devoted their attention to getting me hard again.
This went on all night and near-dawn I realized why the two hippies had fled from the pick-up. This pair were sexual predators. They wanted to sap your body of everything. I was in a science fiction movie where women ruled men. They wouldn't stop until I was dead. This fear was paranoia-driven. We had smoked much too much reefer. Scared for my life I waited until they fell asleep and then sneaked from the redwood grove.
A farmer picked me up around sunrise.
"Whew, smells like you been rutting with hogs."
I was a little ripe and bathed in a river farther down the coast.
I reached LA that night and took the bus to San Diego, where my friend Andy was shacked up with some acidheads. They all laughed at my tale.
"You had these two women to yourself and you let them go."
"No, I escaped and I was glad to escape."
Two days later I was walking naked on Black's Beach north of La Jolla. Andy was checking out the naked girls. He pointed to a pair sunning underneath the cliff.
"Let's go talk to them."
"Not a chance." It was the two women from the redwoods. Man-eaters. I dropped my head and jumped into the ocean. I swam with the current and came ashore some two hundred feet from them.
Andy shook his head.
"I can't believe it."
But I had lived in a world of women. Not forever, only long enough to know it's not natural. at least not for men.