THE BACK OF MIDDLE AGE by Peter Nolan Smith

Three years ago my friend George Wrage celebrated his 50th Birthday. I've known him since 1978. We worked together at Hurrah. I was the doorman and he was the ticket taker. We came up with the scam of reselling tickets for sell-outs. It was a good gig until another doorman snitched us out after we refused to cut him into the racket.

30 years of friendship and now George is 50. He was 20 in 1979.

"I'm middle-aged," He announced on the telephone.

"40 is the old age of youth and 50 is the youth of old age."

"You read that online."

"No, I heard it somewhere. I think it comes from Victor Hugo." The Frenchman wrote LES MISERABLES as a novel, not a musical."We're both middle-aged now."

"You don't get any argument from me about that."

Neither of us subscribed to the recent adage that '50 is the new 40'.

50 is 50, unless you're doing AIG math.

"I figure I've been middle-aged ever since someone called me 'mister'." George was seven years younger than me.

"The first time for me was teaching school in Boston. I was only 24." I substituted at South Boston High School during the busing riots of the 70s. "That's a little early."

"Not for teenagers. Remember WILD IN THE STREETS." George loved that movie in which teenagers take over the country after the senate changed the voting age to 12. "Never trust anyone over 30."

"Teenagers think I'm ancient, but my official inauguration into middle age was finding a brochure for a grave in my mailbox." The wall tomb for my ashes had a view of the Hudson. "But now I'm wondering when middle age ends."

"It has to be 62 or 65. You get senior benefits at those ages."

"62?" It was only five years away.

I couldn't be that old and I looked in the mirror.

Without my glasses I looked the same as always, then again the best lies are the ones you tell yourself.

"60's coming up really quick. The only benefit I want is half-price beer."

"You can get that at happy hour." East Village bars sell draft Stella for $3 from 3-8.

George doesn't drink and hasn't in years. He doesn't miss it.

Not that way he drank.

"Yeah, so maybe I'm already a senior."

"Don't rush it." George hung up. He was at work. I was unemployed.

A neo-senior bum.

THere was only one way to handle that fate and head over to Solas on East 9th Street. Even at 3 in the afternoon the bar is dark enough to believe your lies after a few beers and I drank my beers to make girls pretty and me younger.

Sometimes the illusion works if I get the chemistry right.

Our Girl Yolandi Visser

White Trash and loving it. To see I FINK YOU FREEKY, please go to the following URL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Uee_mcxvrw&feature=related

7/11 Uprising

Slave uprisings was a great fear of the pre-bellum South. Plantation masters were vigilant against any uppityness from their workers. Instigators were severely punished by the overseers with whippings, brandings, and hangings, yet three major armed insurrections occurred in the early 1800s with the goal of fleeing the Deep South for Haiti, which had successfully overthrown its French Creole hierarchy. Whites in the South went to sleep with an eye open and a gun at their side. Blacks muttered threats of poisoning their masters, who comprised a very small percentage of the whites below the Mason-Dixon line. I understand their anger at their enslavers, but cannot condone killing. I can approve of underpaid fast food workers dosing all the GOP voters with rancid burgers, fries, and chicken tomorrow morning to prevent them from voting for Mitt Romney. So c'mon workers at 7/11, KFC, Mickey Ds, and BK, give the GOP a case of the runs. It's your patriotic duty and hell you might even get a raise for helping the fat GOP white men losing some weight. It's for their own good.

Rich And Poor - Josh Billings

"About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it." Josh Billings - American Humorist

ROOFIE THE GOP

This evening find the strongest prescription sedative in your medicine cabinet. Take out several pills and call up a GOP friend. Invite for a drink. Crush the pills into a powder. Meet your Republican friend at a bar. Slip him a Mickey. Preferably oxycontin. It's Russ Limbaugh's drug of choice. He'll have a good night's sleep. I wrote 'he' because only fat white males are voting for Romney and I'd hate to be accused of attempted date-rape of a fat white female Romneyette. Having accomplished your task, lock your friend in the bar's toilet. Then return to the bar to have a nightcap. Make sure the bartender isn't wearing a Romney button. Tomorrow vote early and vote often and vote Obama.

Stupid Answer

Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote Obama.

Racist Motherfuckers

I am a white male over the age of 30. My family came from pure Caucasian stock. My father's side dated back to the Mayflower and my mother's ancestor were Celts from the West of Ireland. Other than a strain of Moorish blood from the survivors of the Spanish Armada intermingling with the Irish of Galway I am as white as they get in this country. My home state of Maine is also one of the whitest in the nation, yet the 20th Maine stopped the slave staters dead in their tracks at Gettysburg. I am the last of my kind to be this white. My oldest sister married a Jew, my younger sister is wed with a black man, both my brothers have wives of Italian descent, and my children are of Thai descent. America is not 100% white if the children of the most white amonst us are not white. Which is why I get upset with how the Drudgereport.com and Fox News and the GOP play the race card year after year expecting us whiteys to turn on our young. Well fuck you, that ain't gonna play that way. Today Drudge report featured the folllowing; REPORT: Obama supporters step up riot threats... Black pastor receives death threats after reversing support... Black Americans still back Obama despite steep plunge in their economic fortunes... Not play the Ace of Spades? Damn straight they are. Racist motherfuckers. That's all they are, because they know that they aren't really 100%. No one is, except for me and mine, but then we are the last of our kind.