Friday, April 11, 2008

Pattaya Manifesto for Paradise on Earth


Not only has England changed, but Pattaya has metamorphorsized from a neglected backwater to a premier destination for lager louts around the world. The green coconut farms are replaced by sardine-can houses, traffic jams stop traffic on 2nd Road, and the bars are filled with assholes.

Mostly I hang out with Thais drinking beer.

Sam Royalle also thinks the city has worsened and proposed a manifesto to rectify the situation.

Firstly UK government should stop issuing passports to UK citizens to they can't come here. Other Euro nations should follow suit.

Secondly a world wide ban on travel would be good for the environment. Everyone stays in the country they are in as from today perfect answer to the world's problems. Only travel allowed is on wooden ships.

Most farangs would have to leave. Sam figures we could run a lao khao or rice whiskey factory. Pattaya city council would enforce certain rules.

Paying a bar fine becomes illegal, all bar girls get a minimum government wage of 20k a month as long as they sleep with us. Beer is free. All pussies must be shaved, virgins must be initiated by a farang, all girls over 25 must be 3 holers, complaining is a capital offence, toilet paper and bum sprays are banned instead we each have our own arse licker / cleaner that lives in the bathroom.

I mentioned to him that this seems a little misognistic.

"I don't know what that word means, but it's banned from my vision of Babylon on Earth."

He looked at me with an evangelical beam in his eyes.

Babylon on Earth.

One man's vision.

So far away.

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