Pierre of the Poo Poo Plaza

Opening a jewelry store in the Plaza seemed like a no-brainer to Richie Boy.

"Location location location." He chanted in extolling the main attribute of our new enterprise. "The Plaza is the oldest institution in New York."

"I think Fraunces Tavern has it beat by two centuries." I rarely drink at that bar any more. It's well out of my way.

"I'm talking about hotels."

"!905 was its opening." Several men's shelters on the Bowery could counter than claim, but none of them have the history of the Plaza; Eloise, the Oak Bar, and the Palm Court.

"History and location combine with class." Richie had high hopes for the retail collection in the Plaza. we had $3 million worth of jewelry. My co-workers were astute and i didn't have to be into work until 11. Closing was at 7. I loved and envisioned making a half-million in commissions within two years. My friends called me 'Pierre of the Plaza'.

Six months later the Plaza retail Collection is in danger of following the other failures of El-Ad projects; the Palm Court has been shut since December and the Oak room stopped serving food last month. The hotel's occupancy rate hovers at 20% and the condo tenants would rather shop anywhere other than a basement mall badly designed by the owner's 35 year-old daughter.

There was no Christmas for lovers of Eloise.

We made some sales in January, but goose-egged in February.

Zero sales.

El-Ad issued an edict telling us to not wear jeans or exit from the hotel entrances.

"Use the employee entrance at all times."

That was their only strategy for increasing traffic to the Retail Collection.

"Fucking idiots."

Our only hope is that they are forced to sell. This might save this hotel, however few buyers are willing to be stuck with the stricken landmark, which El-Ad bought for $675 million and renovated for almost another half-billion.

The question has to be asked, "Where?"

On cheap furnishings, bleak lighting, insipid music, and inept managers?

Someone put some of that half-billion in their pocket, although the flaks from El-Ad insist that nothing is awry. "We remain confident that the Retail Collection, which only recently opened to the public, will weather the current financial crisis and emerge as one of New York's leading shopping destinations."

I believe them but some of the more desperate retailers suspect they might be lying and their managers have been asking El-Ad for a reduction in the rents. El-Ad has responded in typically Israeli fashion.

Hostility.

They don't understand how far their failures have driven the stock of the Plaza.

"All you need is for one or two of them to go dark. How do you lease out space when others are moving out?" One source said in a New York Post article.

It's a disaster waiting to hit an iceberg and I'm waking from a dream with a new name.

Pierre of the Poo-Poo Plaza.