The Bite of Barking Dogs

Thai dogs like to bark. They bark all night and no one says a word. The little chow across the street once yapped for 17 hours non-stop, until its voice gave out like a raspy 50 year-old Gitane smoker.

Thai dog’ favorite targets are those unfortunate rubbish divers eking out a living in search of recyclable bottles, paper, and treasure. Mop and Demo on my soi don’t give these green warriors a minute’s rest and Yai, their owner, says, “They not like kam-moi.”

She had trained the two dogs to regard strangers as thieves and most other Thais are equally adept at training their dogs to bark at most anything and second after thieves has to be bicycles.

And no one can tell me why the chase bikes, not cars, rarely motorcycles, but the bikers bring out the shark in canines around the world.

Snapping at my heels, snarling with menace, the dogs really enjoy themselves with their owners saying, “Don’t worry, they don’t bite.” or “Mai huang, ma mai gatt.”

Easy for them to say. “Dog only bark.”

Research revealed that dogs typically chase cars due to a varied reasons.

1.) Territory

This I understand from Mop and Demo, but not from street dogs, unless they consider every place their territory.

2) Curiosity

Arf arf I wonder if i can get this stupid farang to fall off his bike.

3) Fun

Bicyclists are easier to chase than motorcycles. Arf arf arf. Maybe we can get him to fall off his bike.

4) Hunting.

Practice for when civilization collapses and dogs rule the world again.

5.) Mean.

Some dogs are like their owners. Mean. They both scare me.

6) Training

Go fetch the bicyclist.

7.) Pack mentality

Big dog is doing it. Small dog want to do too.

9.) Revenge

I wasn’t the one that kicked you.

So some dogs chase you barking. Not biting. Others run inside the gate. Nah nah na na nah. Cowards trail at a distance. Someone has kicked them good for chasing a bike and they’ve almost learned their lesson. Circlers will drive you crazy as will those jumping out of the bushes.

“Where the hell Cujo come from?”

My defense tactic revolves around lifting my legs or else gutturally snapping out, ”Hah.”

This guttural shout catches them off guard for a second, which is more than enough time to speed away faster.

My Thai neighbor thinks this is funny.

“No dog bark at me. Maybe Thai dog not like farang.”

She’s joking, but only a little.

Remember Thai Rak Thai.

Even dogs.